Post # 1
I love my betrothed, and he loves me, and we’re both excited to be marrying each other… and yet I’m a little concerned at his whenever-I-get-to-it approach to asking the people he’d like to be groomsmen. Our 2-year engagement has allowed for a leisurely pace in many planning areas, up until recently. I’ve got 5 bridesmaids (have had for over a year and a half), and he plans on 5 groomsmen. He even knows exactly who he wants. The catch?
Our wedding is coming up in under 2 months (July 15), and Fiance has lined up his best man and one of his two brothers. That’s 2 out of 5 potential groomsmen that he’s talked to about being in the wedding! He’s tried intermittently to get in touch with his other brother. It’s the two mutual friends he wants to ask that worry me, because he hasn’t called or e-mailed either one yet to talk to them about standing up with him at our wedding. I’m nervous that they won’t be able to accept because they won’t have time to get fitted for suits or tuxes, save up toward rental costs (if any), etc., or that they’ll feel offended or put out by the lack of notice — and they’re my friends, too, so it doesn’t affect only my betrothed. I’ve tried talking to Fiance about it, and he agrees that he needs to contact them “soon”, but he doesn’t follow through (we’ve been in this pattern for a few months now). He doesn’t think there’s any reason to worry, and says there’s still time to wait for the next day off when he feels up to it, because it’s much easier for men — that they only need about 2 weeks to get tuxes or suits sorted out. To be honest, I’m freaking out a little. Is he right? Am I worried over nothing? Is there still time for him to ask them?
If not, what do you suggest?
Post # 3
I am pretty laid back myself, but this is cutting it close. I think he needs to ask them now.
Post # 4
I’d be worried too. Good luck… 🙁
Post # 5
Oh my God, are we marrying the same man? Because my fiance is doing the SAME THING! And it is driving me crazy!!!
We’re each having 3 people stand up for us. I asked my bridesmaids over a year ago. He finally got around to asking his brother a few months back when we were visiting, he asked his friend in town after some prompting by me. But his out-of-town friend.. nothing. Our wedding is in less than two months!!
I finally sat him down and told him, “Listen, you HAVE to ask him. Like, right now. I know your friend would be sad and you would be really disappointed if he couldn’t make it because of something else he had scheduled. It’s rude to expect that he will be able to drop everything to be in your wedding last minute.” And then I handed him his phone.
So maybe it was a bit pushy, but my GOD he was being ridiculous.
Post # 6
Oh, wow. That is cutting it a bit close. I would definitely sit down and talk with him, because they should be going to pick out tuxes soon since your wedding is in July.
Post # 7
Yikes. How are they going to get suits/tuxes w no notice? That is not enough time.
Post # 8
I think you need to give him a deadline…like..this week!
Post # 9
- Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry
This sounds familiar- I found out two weeks ago that Fiance hadn’t talked to one of the groomsmen or the usher. Argh!!
Since my wedding’s almost the same date as yours, I concur that yes, this is cutting it WAY too close. Do these friends even know when the wedding is? Fiance needs to call them THIS weekend.
Fiance is correct that they can get their tuxes in two weeks, but do they have that extra $100 saved up for a tux? Have they received an invite- were they even planning on being at the wedding?
Use the script FluffyFTW gave you, and you have every right to be PUSHY. And I think you might need to prepare yourself for an uneven wedding party, just in case one of the guys can’t make it.
It makes me feel a little better that I’m not the only one whose Fiance did this. 🙂
Post # 10
My fiance found out that he was to be his brother’s best man the week before the wedding. It was maybe a month before that he told him he was in the wedding. Their first wedding (long story) he found out the night before that he was the best man. Luckily he had packed a suit, as they were in CHINA!
Guys are different. I was more peeved than him ’cause I had to sit alone with my soon to be SIL’s friends.
Post # 11
We have a year and a half engagement, and my Fiance as already asked his groomsmen so they have plenty of time to save and make plans. I would be going nuts if he had waited that long. I feel if I was in your shoes, I would sit him down and give him the phone to call. That, or do it myself. Seriously. They’re your friends too. They need to know ASAP so they have time to get a tux.
Post # 12
Wow…I would be having a panic attack if I were in your shoes. How are these guys going to have time to get fitted for tuxes? I don’t know which tux company you are using, but the one I’m using (fairly popular) says 3 months notice. Tell your Fiance he HAS TO call up the guys and ask them TODAY.
Post # 13
Gah. I had to cajole, and then beg, and then threaten. ONE freaking attendant we’re each having, and my bff has known from the get-go, and Fiance just wasn’t getting around to it. He said he couldn’t figure out how to ask. The friend he wanted to ask was already doing everything for us a best man could do (he and his wife are maybe the nicest people in the world and are knocking themselves out to help us). It was getting awkward, though, with the best man thing unsettled.
I finally gave Fiance a deadline and told him if he hadn’t asked by that deadline, I was sending the friend the prettiest pink flowers I could find with a super-sappy note asking him to “share in the joy of my special day.” Signed, my Fiance.
Fiance didn’t believe I’d really do it, until I made him watch me log on to FTD.com and start choosing between gerbera daisies and long stemmed roses. He texted the friend right then and there. Done!
Post # 14
My husband asked one of his Groomsmen the week of (someone backed out for personal reasons, and he wanted even sides). Worked out just fine! Most guys (in my experience) are more laid back about this stuff & are just thrilled with the prospect of getting to chill & drink with the groomsmen for a weekend.
Post # 15
It sounds like he needs a deadline. He will probably even agree to one. But then make him stick to it!
Post # 16
We only just got engaged and we have got 8 months to go and I’m already freaking out about this haha. If FH still hasn’t asked his guys by that stage I will be asking them for him. That is cutting it very fine!!!