- 1 year ago
[This post could go to Waiting or Rings as well, but this seemed like the best location. I guess there’s a Proposals board too, but it doesn’t see much action?]
I’m in the opposite role of most people on Waiting – I’m the one who’s going to propose, and I’m trying to figure out how to do it right. What I’m looking for here is input on your diverse perspectives (and I know they’ll be diverse!). I know nobody here can tell me the right choice, because nobody here knows my SO and I’m not 100% sure of the right choice even knowing her as I do!
Background: we are both ready for marriage (we’ve discussed this over time, and have recently both made clear that we’re ready). I’ve previously gotten her input on various ring aspects in a conversation provoked by a movie. The hard part is that she really loves good surprises and she can also be quite picky. I’m serious about surprises – she was disappointed to learn in advance what I’d gotten her for her birthday, even though it was literally one of two options that I’d discussed with her already. But she almost never wears jewelry, and I’ve never bought her any, so I don’t know if our tastes will perfectly coincide. (I do know what metal she’d want for the ring, and what shape center stone. She was open to but slightly hesistant about a blue sapphire center stone, so I’m pretty sure she’d go for what I like, which is blue sapphire side stones. Blue is her favorite color.)
Here are the options I can think of. Feedback (or additional options) would be appreciated.
1. Full disclosure and input. Get her to choose the ring, tell her when the proposal will be.
- pros: we get the right ring, and she’s not anxiously waiting.
- cons: no happy surprise. Why even wait for my planned date at that point?
2. Input on ring, proposal a surprise. Get her to choose the ring, but keep the where and when of the proposal a secret.
- pros: we get the right ring, retain some surprise.
- cons: she might be anxiously waiting. Between now and the intended proposal are several notable days (holidays, her birthday, our dating anniversary). A number of bees have mentioned being disappointed when proposals didn’t come at these key moments, when a ring had already been chosen.
3. Ring and proposal a surprise. I handle all the details without her knowing anything.
- pros: a happy surprise, with finished ring in hand.
- cons: she might not like the ring.
4. Proposal a surprise, ring chosen later. I propose with a placeholder, and we choose the ring later.
- pros: a happy surprise, she gets the right ring.
- cons: delay of several weeks in getting ring after the proposal. She has nothing to show people when she announces it, and no pics of the ring in our special proposal spot (a country we’ve been talking about visiting for many years, even before we started dating).
I’m leaning towards option 3. I’d have a moissanite put in a custom setting by a local jeweler, so it wouldn’t be returnable, but it would be modestly priced. I would be fine paying for a center stone replacement or a resetting if she really doesn’t like it. I know her ring size, so that’s not an issue.