How much planning really needs to go into a proposal?

posted 11 months ago in Proposals
Post # 16
2892 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

sciencefig :  It really just depends! My now husband and I already had a big trip planned so he waited until we were overseas to propose, nothing big or elaborate when he did it- he waited until we had some privacy on this outing I had arranged and popped the question. No speech prepared, no photographer.

Don’t overthink it.

Post # 17
24 posts

agree. don’t overthink it – be excited about it and do what YOU and he would love:)

good luck and let us know how it goes!!

Post # 18
2013 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

Ha no effort at all. All he had to do was invite me somewhere that meant something to us.

I too would have a fit if he invited my family,  a photographer and my friends. Not me at all. 

Post # 19
680 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

I believe my husband put some effort and planing into his proposal. In the end I was quite sure he’d propose on our one year anniversary trip to London. That’s where our relationship started and we planned all along to go back there for our anniversary. On the morning of our anniversary he brought me flowers and we went to see the Bond in Motion exhibition (my husband is a dead ringer for Daniel Craig). Then he took me to Hyde Park and told me he had a photographer coming to take pictures for our anniversary. I was a bit miffed as would have dressed differently but he wanted me as I am. Then we stroled around the park with the photographer in tow who took all picture unposed. They where great btw. (For those in GB: Adams Wedding Photography) then we ended up by the Fountain of Joy of Life where he proposed.

I didn’t even think about pictures being taken for one second. I believe the Adam was quite a bit away from us. It was amazing. (I vividly remember a woman sitting at a park bench near by reading a book and not noticing a thing) Then we went to the Tower Bridge to take some more pictures. Again, not the classic America Engagembt pictures (which I don’t quite get anyhow). 

I loved everything about the proposal and as a bonus we have amazing pictures capturing real emotions. Every time I look at them I am again and again overwhelmed with emotion. 

The pictures where he’s actually down on one knee, talking to me are taken from far away to give us privacy. But due to the amazing quality I am able to zoom in on them and see our faces very clearly.

So it always depends on what people like. I would have been horrified if he’d asked me in front of friends and family but I would have enjoyed a dance and singing proposal at a public place. 

Post # 20
585 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

Varies tremendously. My husband didn’t have a ring and proposed at home suddenly, because he felt he couldn’t wait to ask me any longer. So no preparation there! I loved it. It made me feel so secure in how much he wanted to marry me.

Post # 21
14 posts

sciencefig : You could write him a letter and read it to him/give it to him if you’re not feeling up to giving a speech on the spot or you can stick to saying something short and from the heart. Has he given you any hints or mentioned what he thinks is nice in a proposal? Also, what do you like to do? For example, if you’re a great cook you could cook a delicious dinner and then propose. If you celebrate anniversaries, how do you/he like to celebrate those? Maybe use that as a way to think of ideas of what he might appreciate 

Post # 22
206 posts
Helper bee

sciencefig :  It depends on the relationship. I told my SO I wanted it private, no photographers. He also wants to plan it out and surprise me. But some women seem to want to plan it out and give the guy a script (I’m exaggerating of course but sometimes its ridiculous how involved the woman is). I say you do you. The proposal is about you too. If you want to plan a date or wait until the moment is right then go for it. You should also know your SO’s personality enough to sort of know if theyre the proposal on the couch type l or the flash mob proposal type.

Post # 23
1721 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2019

It depends. If your fiance is planning to propose to you at a concert with Bruno Mars playing in the background, a twenty-gun salute, a kitten, a giraffe dressed as a bride, and Britney Spears flying above you on a trapeze with a banner saying “SARAH WILL YOU MARRY ME” then yes, it’s gonna take a lot of planning. 

Post # 24
1058 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2019

It definitely depends on the couple, and what each person in the relationship would like.

My Fiance proposed while we were on vacation. He didn’t make a big production out of it and didn’t make a big speech, he just gave our waiter the camera to videotape the proposal, and asked me to marry him. I didn’t expect a big speech because I knew he was bad at that sort of thing. He did say some really lovely things to me after the proposal, when it was just the two of us talking together, and I liked that so much more than I would have liked him making some big, romantic speech in front of a bunch of people.

In my circle, no one does the big, elaborate proposal. It’s usually at a nice date or on vacation, and pretty low key. I’ve never heard of anyone having a professional photographer, although many times they’ll ask someone to take a picture of them and that’s when they’ll propose.

Post # 25
48 posts
  • Wedding: February 2020 - San Diego, CA

Our proposal may be what some consider “over the top” since my fiancé did hire a photographer. I never mentioned it to him as something I wanted as I had always thought I wanted a private proposal. However, we were on vacation in New York City, and he thought that it would be nice to have a mini engagement shoot since the views would be gorgeous!

To be honest, I’m so glad he did hire a photographer— she captured lots of crying face pictures! Haha but just being able to share that with all of our family and friends, who were across the country from us, was nice.

We have friends and acquaintances that have also hired photographers for their proposal, and I think it may be a bit more common in Southern California. However, I don’t think a big elaborate crazy proposal is necessary. It really is something that depends on what BOTH of you want/like. My day consisted of walking around DUMBO, proposal, a short 30 minute photo session with the photographer, brunch with some bubbly, and then going to a sports bar to watch like 5 hours of football. Then we went back to the hotel to nap, and woke up an hour later to go to shake shack. It was actually perfect. Haha

I would suggest just making a short speech before saying “will you marry me?”. Even if it’s just “I love you so much and can’t imagine growing old with anyone else.” I know someone who didn’t even say “I love you” or his now-wife’s name during the proposal. Then again, he decided to propose 2 weeks before her birthday because she had told him that she wanted to be engaged by 30 so he felt obligated to propose and according to him “the ring is her birthday present so I don’t have to buy her a birthday gift this year”. Lol.

Post # 26
925 posts
Busy bee

My now-husband proposed to me while we were lying in bed one morning, no ring or anything. He just wanted to ask and I was perfectly fine with it. 

Post # 27
10878 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

sciencefig :  

A speech is not required.  This isn’t the movies.

Is there a particular place that has special meaning for you both?

Dh surprised me with a proposal after we had gotten my ring and I was wearing it. We were hanging out at my house, wearing sweats.  All of a sudden, he moved the coffee table, got on one knee, and said:  “Will you marry me?” It was totally unexpected, I thought that was all settled already.

Such a lovely gesture. And, he kept it about as simple as it gets.

Best part:  he proposed on April Fools’ Day.

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