(Closed) How much say does the MoH get?

posted 4 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 2
1245 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014 - San Francisco, CA

Zero. The MoH gets zero percent say. It sounds like “technically” asking for your advice is really you getting suuuuper eager to share your opinion (and maybe judgment from the way you talk about her?)  Unless she specifically says “Lilly, what do you think? I don’t know if they’re formal enough and need your designer eye!” then just smile and tell her how gorgeous it is. She’s already made her decision, you adding what you THINK it should be would just hurt her feelings.

  • This reply was modified 4 years, 5 months ago by  rachel85.
Post # 3
3276 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

My Maid/Matron of Honor doesn’t know any of the details of the wedding, as a lot don’t. You don’t say anything. Just offer to help, if she says no then don’t worry about it. All I want my Maid/Matron of Honor and BMs to do is attend the shower which they did, and show up to the wedding in their dress! She chose those things because she likes them and it’s her wedding so just leave it be. 

Post # 4
578 posts
Busy bee

How much say does the Maid/Matron of Honor get? None. If she asks for your advice, you can politely give it, but you shouldn’t over step. If she is really proud of them and she and her Fiance like them, I probably wouldn’t say much of anything beyond, “It’s really cute. Great job!”. Not everyone likes “adult”/”elegant wedding”. If her style is different from yours, so be it.

Post # 7
9549 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

Not everyone is into elegant. I wasn’t when I was planning my wedding. Things like centering text are appreciated when you’re asked to look at something. But overall design stuff is touchier. If you really think she really wants an opinion I’d  stick to small suggestions (along with the things you like) or somthing like “Well, our style is so different, t’s not waht I’d design, but I can totally see you in this”

You’re under absolutely no oblingation to make sure that her wedding is up to snuff. And she will undoubtably make  decisions that you wouldn’t make. And that’s okay. So think about if she really wants input or if she’s just trying to show off her latest project before you start giving suggestions about big design changes.

Post # 9
4412 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

lilly221:  Even with changing from “say” to “opinion” you still get zero. Your job is to support your friend and the choices she and her fiance make for their wedding. Just say “They look great!” and leave out anything else.

Post # 10
1318 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

The reason i chose my Maid/Matron of Honor other from her being my best friend is for her honestly. If i ask her what she thinks of something, i absolutely want her to say what she thinks and even constructive criticism is fine. I would say it depends on your relationship with her.

Post # 12
1513 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

I agree that it really depends on your relationship. Personally, I want my Maid/Matron of Honor to be honest with me. That’s not to say that I will always agree or take her suggestions, but I will take them into consideration. I value her opinion, but we do have very different styles.

I think it is good to point out things like “centering of text” in a constructive way, but it terms of style, that is more subjective and a touchier subject. 

Post # 13
19 posts



Maid/Matron of Honor gets no say sept for maybe how you want to wear your hair and if you feel something is to short or to low cut and makes you uncomfy to wear


I have been moh a few times, you just voice if you feel uncomfy in a dress (i am 5’9) i voted for long dresses cause i hate feeling trashy in a dress that looks classy on others who do not have such long torso’s and legs lol


that being said i voted! meaning it was up to the bride, she asked you what you thought, do be truthful with out being hurtful maybe toss out she could be a little more sophiscated and show her a few idea’s but be aware if she is proud of it she likely loves it so do be real with her but be soft and if she is not biting on the suggestions at all then drop it and go you know i like this this and this about it


as a former Maid/Matron of Honor and a bride to be now that would def be what you should do be real but if you read her face is a no go to suggestions build her up after cause you dont wanna hurt her feelings


Post # 14
554 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

lilly221:  I agree with PP, it’s not really your place to “have a say/opinion” etc without being explicitly asked. And often we have different styles/visions, (you said her Save-The-Date Cards were very “her”) but it sounds like you also want to maybe protect her from them not being great style-wise?<br /><br />Maybe if you want to subtly offer suggestions without stepping on toes, you could ask if she’s interested in a group pinterest inspiration board that you (& others?) could contribute to (but stick to her theme/ideas, eg you don’t want to be filling it with black tie inspiration if she wants rustic) Good luck!

Post # 15
7311 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast

It’s hard when you are asked for an opinion of something where the style is totally different from yours. I was in your spot for a wedding last year. The bride had astyle that was very different from mine. She wanted saturated colors, modern lines, uplighting, etc., whereas my style is understated, classic, even muted. It’s not that either of us were “right” or “wrong”, we were just different. What helped me in being the best listener and advice giver I could be was to completely set my style preferences aside and embrace her vision. She wants saturated colors and modern lines? I can get on board with that. Once I started seeing things through her eyes, I was able to be much more helpful to her in acheiving her vision.

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