I have 5 kids who are now between the ages of 7-17. I have been a Stay-At-Home Mom, a working, married Mom and a working, single Mom.
I’m sorry, but I think you’re expecting too much. When I was a working Mom with kids in diapers, if he was not working and I had to get up in the middle of the night when I had to be to work in the morning I would have been livid. That’s ridiculous. I had to get up for work! That never would have flown with me. Can you try to imagine if the roles were reversed? When I stayed home I never expected him to cook or clean, that was my job. I didn’t work outside the home because working in the home was my job. Does he ask you to come to work and help him out? When I was a working, single Mom EVERYTHING under the sun was my job and I managed to do it.
I’ve had needy kids and I’ve had kids who would play by themselves for hours without so much as a whimper. With the exception of my first child who attended daycare for 1 year, none of my kids ever went to daycare or had a nanny and I also had no family anywhere nearby to help me out. Either way one baby is a lot easier than a workplace. Time for the tough love…I think you need to suck it up a little bit.
That said, he should help a little. But not do 50% like other posters have said. I do not understand this logic. Have women all turned into wimps who can’t handle anything or is it just that they don’t want to? The fact that he has the baby while you run errands, takes trash out and what-not is helping out.
Have you considered the fact that he’s a man and men are often uncomfortable with babies? I would think that once the baby starts walking, talking and is able to be played with (in the rough house way that men play) his father probably will spend more time with him. My father was so confused about changing diapers, when my mother left him alone with me one time and I had a major poop explosion, his idea was to wrap a t-shirt around me and tie it up with a shoelace. Did that mean he never took an interest in me? Nope. I remember all through my childhood playing ball with him, going to games, etc. Things that he knew about and was comfortable with. He’s a dude, ya know?
On the flip side, there was a time when my ex-H (while we were married) had lost his job. So I went back to work and he stayed home (at that time we had one school aged child, a 2 1/2 year old and a 6 month old infant). During that time everything at home was his job. He actually changed 90% of our daughters diapers during that year. I didn’t clean or cook or get up during the night because I was the only one with a job.
I understand that you’re frustrated and that you feel like he’s not paying attention or putting in enough effort. Motherhood is a serious job job. I think the bigger issue is that he’s not giving you the hug you need, telling you what a great job you’re doing and noticing when you need a break (all of which you should have a serious, sit-down conversation with him about so he can get the picture). But you really can do this and men are dense sometimes. You (and every woman) are much stronger than you give yourself credit for and you do not have to do everything right this second. If you’re having a frustrating moment and you need to walk away from that fussy baby to collect your thoughts that doesn’t make you a bad mother. You are not at your child’s beck and call, so don’t teach him that you are. Try and have fun with motherhood. Join a mommy’s group or take a walk. And really, it only gets easier the older they get. I promise!