(Closed) How much should I include her? (bit long)

posted 8 years ago in Logistics
  • poll: Should I include FMIL in the planning?

    Yes, include her a lot, I'll tell you where

    Yes, include her a little, I'll tell you where

    Just keep her informed of basics

    Don't include her

    Other?

  • Post # 17
    Member
    2496 posts
    Buzzing bee

    View original reply
    @Eckle:  You’re very welcome! Sounds like a tough situation, but not one that can’t be dealt with. Best of luck to you.

    P.S. Love succulents. I hope to see a future post about your centerpieces!

    Post # 19
    Member
    2889 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: July 2013

    First off does she even want to be involved. Has she asked? If or when she does ask: Honestly if it was me I would put her in charge of favors. If she follows thru great if not no biggie no one will miss them. This should be an area where there isn’t to much drama. Even if she wants to give out KJV Bibles as long as she is paying for them who cares. Just mention her contribution in your program or have the DJ thank her for you. Then she gets credit and is mollified and wacky favors dont reflect on you. Just what I would do so dont know if it helps.

    Post # 20
    Member
    3637 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2015

    View original reply
    @Eckle:  I would keep things basic and see how that goes. If she has experience in plants like you said, then ask for her advice on that (people love to be asked for advice because it makes them feel that you respect them, this can’t hurt with trying to mellow her). 

    Of course you’ll need her help with that side of the guest list, so you should keep the lines of communication somewhat open. 

    Like I said, start with a little and see how it goes. I wouldn’t be quick to accomidate her though, if she can’t support your marriage why should she have a say in planning the wedding? 

    *hugs* I hope it goes well and it’s great the your Future Father-In-Law is happy about it. 

    Post # 22
    Member
    349 posts
    Helper bee

    I am usually a people pleaser who wants to keep the peace at all costs, but I’m going to go against my natural instincts and encourage you to keep her at something of a distance for now.  Decide with your Fiance all the basics of what you want, especially whether you’ll be having a religious or secular ceremony.  Since this may be a major point of contention, make sure you and your Fiance are on the same page; then you can tell them what you have decided once it’s a done deal.  That will still give her time to come to terms with her anger and disappointment, and hopefully get on board as your Future Father-In-Law has done; if not, it’s her loss.  You sound like a very thoughtful, intelligent young woman (I may be biased, as I work with scientists!) and she is fortunate that her future grandkids will come from such a great gene pool.  Don’t let her spoil this for you; her bitterness shouldn’t spoil the sweetness of this time with your Fiance.  Good luck!

    Post # 24
    Member
    349 posts
    Helper bee

    View original reply
    @Eckle:  LOL! You should only have kids because you want them, can afford them and will love them.  Just remember, your Future Mother-In-Law is in their gene pool too, although hopefully her disapproval trait will be recessive!

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