Post # 1
I am curious what am I expected to spend on a wedding gift when I am in the wedding party. Because of many reasons (lack of friends, different cities etc) I will not be hosting a Jack and Jill or bachelor party. I am going to take the groom party for breakfast on wedding day to make up for the parties.
I want to get them something meaningful though money is always practical. Part of my gift is I am buying and or making jewelry for the bride and bridesmaid. So far I got the bride an evening bag, earrings and bracelet from Holt Renfrew for her wedding dress; chandelier earrings for her second dress and I am making earrings, a simple necklace and bought bracelets for the bridesmaids (I agreed to do this as part of my gift to keep their expenses down). I used some swarovzki crystals, austrian crystals and some more reasonably priced crystals, embellishments – I am not sure how but even though I got some great deals I spent a lot. I wanted something meaningful and bought the bride real gold earrings in the hope that they will have a golden marriage full of the richness of life. For the groom I bought a watch in the hope that they will have a timeless love and marriage. And to keep their memories – I am organizing a photo booth and getting people to write cards I bought a silk covered photo album from this amazing gift store. So I will spend over $500 on the gift. Is that too cheap for a wedding party member.
Yes, I am paying for my outfit; the wedding is not where I live but I would have been there anyways because of family, and I am their wedding planner plus doing the flowers and decorating three cakes. Do not think the wedding planning is a gift. I admit because I am their friend and they don’t have friends where they currently live I spent 8 hours looking for the dress with the bride and 8 hours with the groom looking for his outfit and all the groomsmen and family members suits/tuxes. This is a bit crazy but they live in another city with me and I had to find a venue, church, caterer and bakery for the wedding cake in the city where they are getting married. But the groom is a very good friend and has helped me so much in my life so I owe them. I don’t want to be cheap.
Post # 2
I think your gifts are over the top already, and there is no need to spend anything additional. The bride and groom usually get larger and more sentimental gifts for their attendants, not the other way around.
Post # 3
Chris4 : I think you have done/given plenty.
There are other occasions for gift giving, save some for later.
Post # 4
Did the bride pick the gifts you got her? I would want to pick my own wedding jewellery and so I do think it’s a bit strange that you bought gifts specifically to be worn with her wedding dresses.
Again, does the groom know part of your gift is to take him for breakfast the day of the wedding? It’s likely he has his own timeline for the morning.
This all seems very OTT, even for very close friends.
Post # 5
- Wedding: August 2018 - Esplanade Lakes Ballroom, Downers Grove IL
You are spending $500 on a gift PLUS flying + offering your services + taking the groomsmen out? WHOA, that is a LOT. In my experience best friends spend about $100 on a wedding gift and $80 for a shower gift…now I wonder if I was cheap lol.
Post # 6
You’ve already done things you shouldn’t have felt the need to do….buying all her accessories, the photobooth, etc. At this point, give a card with a nice message and call it a day. Did you feel like these were things you had to do or did the bride ask you to do them?? Like, I hope you don’t think being in the wedding party means chipping in for the actual event like you have and that you just wanted to do those things on your own!
Post # 7
I am very grateful for this friend. And maybe I am hoping the bride will like me too. He has helped me a lot with things especially setting up Ikea furniture lol. I have taken him out for dinner and stuff for helping but the wedding planning hopefully makes up for that and doing the flowers, decor and cake decorating.
I offered to pay for jewelry and stuff which the bride helped pick out or design since I made some parts because they are way over budget and especially making some stuff helps out. As for the breakfast well because of location and they don’t have many friends in the city we live – a party for them whether it be bachelor or Jack and Jill (I took them out for dinner and got them a wedding book and flowers for the engagement) so the breakfast hopefully makes up for my “groomsman duty” lol. I guess when I read in one post that people were saying that as a couple they were giving 200 dollars or 300 I thought wow I better get my act together.
Post # 8
It sounds like you are their parent who host the wedding
Post # 9
For a wedding planner, you seem to have difficulty setting boundaries and not being taken advantage of. I find what you are doing for this couple to be in excess of what anyone could imagine, much less demand.
Post # 10
Thank you so much for your comment. You have a lot of them; we need people like you who has such wisdom. So true because when it comes to our friends we are so different. They are very good friends and to be honest you cannot do the same job (I actually got my certification only to help people especially poor or financially strapped as I don’t want to charge) as I would professionally. It is hard not to put your own comments when you are friends versus a “customer”. But I note a lot of people think $150 for one person is an appropriate gift so…and I am not hosting some of the more recently “traditional” guy things. But it is good to hear different approaches.
Post # 11
I think you’re an amazing friend. He definitely means a lot to you.
Post # 12
You have already spent enough… stahhhhppp
Post # 13
Ok I actually dot-pointed all this out because woah:
– You bought the bride an evening bag, bracelet and 2 pairs of earrings
– You bought the groom a watch
– You’re taking the groomsmen out for breakfast
– You’re making earrings and necklaces for the bridesmaids and buying them bracelets
– You’ve organised a photobooth
– You’ve bought a silk photo album
– You are their wedding planner
– You are doing the flowers
– You are decorating 3 cakes
– You spent 8 hours each with the bride and groom looking for outfits
– You found them their venue, church, caterer and bakery
…this couple appear to have outsourced their ENTIRE wedding to you. I do not think you’re a troll but this is kind of troll level over-the-top.
So no, you don’t have to give or do any more things. You can stop now.
Post # 14
Either you are overly attached to this “friend” or he’s taking advantage of you.
Post # 15
Nooooooooo you already bought him dinner for helping you assemble furniture. I don’t think the wedding gifts should be about repaying your “debts” to him.