(Closed) How much should we care about what the MOH and Bridesmaids think of their dress?

posted 11 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 17
Member
1088 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

Well, let me tell you this:

I had a very strong vision of how I wanted my girls to look on our wedding day. I told them what I wanted them to wear, and they were like, “Great! Sure!” Well, come to find out, they all started talking (not to me) that they hated my idea and were really hoping I chose something else. Long story short, I gave them a color, and told them to wear whatever the heck they wanted.

*FYI, I wanted them to wear classy looking silky ivory halter (totally re-wearable) tops with skirts that hit the waist, finished off with a chic belt (that I offered to pay for). No dice! My Maid/Matron of Honor even tried it on, and I fell in love with the look, and it was incredibly affordable. Plus, I wanted something really different, but classic.

I was initially really upset because like seriously, I had really, really wanted them to go for a certain look, and I kept thinking to myself, “Why won’t they just at least try it!? I mean, it’s MY wedding!” Then I realized how ridiculous I sounded, and in the end, just wanted them to feel good about what they wore.

They all ended up picking the same dress, believe it or not, and even though I wanted them all to wear their hair down and natural, they all chose up do’s. Oh well! Quite honestly, I don’t think some of the girls looked all that great in it, and it was kind of a generic Bridesmaid or Best Man dress, but they looked happy and comfortable, so whatever! That’s what was important.

Post # 18
Member
2297 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

I have to say, I went with a completely opposite approach.  For each of my weddings, I had only one female attendant, and told her to pick out something she liked and just let me know what it was.  I understand that you can’t do that when you have a bunch of attendants and want them to be coordinated.  However, I would still recommend trying to accommodate at least the majority.

Post # 19
Member
21 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: February 2011

     I agree with  sailor:   The bride should be able to pick whatever COLOR she wants, the wedding colors are hers to choose =] The style are negotionable to a point, I understand bending a little to make Maid/Matron of Honor happy maybe using another one of your wedding colors for her and gold for the BM? Ex: I was going to go with brown and pink as wedding colors, I asked Maid/Matron of Honor wich she preferred and the Bridesmaid or Best Man got the other color! ( i have changed my colors since then, but thats why Im waiting til later on to pick Bridesmaid or Best Man dresses, I change my mind so much =] )

Post # 20
Member
3572 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I spent a lot of time trying to make my BMs all happy, but it was impossible and in the end I just picked what I liked. As long as its not really expensive or really hideous I feel like BMs need to shut their mouths and deal with it. I had one Bridesmaid or Best Man say she preferred blue over green, I picked a green dress and it turns out the color looks amazing on her. I would NEVER complain to a bride about not wanting to wear a certain color.

Post # 21
Member
106 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I’m a bridesmaid in a wedding this summer and I can’t even begin to tell you how much I hate the dress I have to wear. I cringe everytime I think of it. HOWEVER, I would never ever tell this to the bride! It’s her wedding and she has a vision and when I agreed to be a bridesmaid, I knew that meant agreeing to wear whatever dress she liked. I think it would be nice to let bridesmaids have some say in the style or fit of the dress, that way they can be comfortable, but arguing about colour is just rude in my opinion. The bride usually has a colour scheme in mind and bridesmaids dresses are a big part of that, so unless you’ve tried on the dress and it really does look awful (and the bride would usually agree to change colours if that was the case) then there’s no reason to be complaining. Most people don’t actually wear their bridesmaid dresses again anyways.

I would just stick with the gold colour because you love it, and let her pick a gold dress in a style she feels comfortable in. It’s a compromise and she should be grateful that you are letting her do that. Good luck!

Post # 22
Member
767 posts
Busy bee

I think having the other bridesmaids in gold and her in black with gold or something would be a good solution.

Post # 23
Member
413 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

Well, my bridesmaids were told to pick whatever dress they wanted from Bill Levkoff as long as it came in satin and eggplant.  I know for a fact that 4 out of 6 of them would much rather have preferred black, but guess what?  It’s my choice!  I have been in MANY weddings in which I either hated the dress, the color or both but I NEVER would have said that to the bride.  Why?  It wasn’t my wedding!  If that’s the color you want, then you should stick to it.  She can pick the style, if that’s an option for the color.  I think because she’s your sister she’s in the position to whine and complain about it.  Because she’s your sister I say, tell her “too bad” this is what you’re wearing, if you don’t like it, tough.”  She’s your sister, she’ll get over it.  And to not even try it on is a little childish in my opinion and sounds like there may be some jealousy going on.

Post # 24
Member
329 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Maybe you can go shopping with your sister to look for a gold dress that you both like.  She should at least try them on.

Post # 25
Member
3674 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2010

if you’re making her spend a lot of money, you should care a little bit at least what she thinks of her dress. but really, she should just suck it up.

Post # 26
Member
3330 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

From the way you said “like always” it sounds like you’re usually good with compromising. I think you should go for the gold this time :). It’s your wedding day – don’t expect slaves out of your BMs of course, but it’s totally acceptable for you to expect them to comply with your wedding colors!

Post # 27
Member
85 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I love love love gold as a color, so I know what you mean.  But…it’s just not everyone’s cup of tea.  Personally, I think a black dress with a gold sash and gold shoes would be hot as hell.  Black dresses can be really sexy, and the gold would give them the blingy touch it sounds like you’re wanting for your Vegas location.  Put some gold accents with your bridal gown to match, and you’d be a sexy group of ladies!  Have a great wedding!

Post # 28
Member
44 posts
Newbee

Personally I think you should care a lot. Unless you are going to buy them the dress. It is a big expense and they should have some say and maybe be able to find something they like and can wear again. Vegas and black cocktail dress is a great combo. What you should do is make a deal, she tries it on and hates the color you agree to consider other things. Gold shoes and jewelry with a black dress would be a good option. I know I will and have put in a stipulation when asked to be in a few weddings that the dress has to be reasonably priced and/or rewearable or I won’t do it. Maybe that’s a bad attitude but I know how I’d treat my Bridesmaid or Best Man and what I do for friends whose wedding i’m in so the  compromise there is reasonable to ask. I’d wear whatever if it was being paid for though.

Post # 29
Member
1073 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

I agree that cost is a pretty big part of it- if you’re paying for it then she needs to suck it up no matter what it looks like or how much she hates it! But if not, and if she is expected to fork over some considerable cash for it, I think you should care at least a little. Maybe you can get her to go try on some gold dresses with you? It’s entirely possible that she (like me) may actually look horrible in gold dresses, and that’s probably not something you want to look at in wedding photos for the next 50 years. Plus, if she hates it THAT MUCH, her dissatisfaction will show up in the pictures.

That being said, I’m a bridesmaid right now and the dress we have to wear is… not my favorite. It isn’t terrible, but it looked MUCH better on the girls who are tall and  several months pregnant than it did on my 5 foot tall, size 6 frame. But that’s life, and I would never dream of telling her I wouldn’t wear it. In the end, it isn’t really about me- my wedding is coming up soon enough, and I’ll make sure that happy bridesmaids are at the top of my list.

Post # 30
Member
646 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

Im gonna go against the grain and say pick the dress you want. I’ve been a Bridesmaid or Best Man many times and sometimes the dresses were fine and sometimes they were just plain ugly. But i wore them because i loved the Bride and if it took wearing an ugly dress for a few hours to help make her day perfect then thats what i did.

It would be different if she didnt like a particular dress and you could compromise on a different style but you shouldnt change your color bc she doesnt like it. There has to be a gold dress out there that is acceptable. She is the Maid/Matron of Honor so maybe her dress could be a different color but its up to you not her.

Post # 31
Member
151 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Eh goes back and forth.  I tried to choose a dress that they could all wear again, but you cant please everyone unless you go with a color and let the girls all choose their dresses.  I, particularly, wasn’t into that so I chose a dress and told them to buy it.   If they didn’t like it – they never said.

My MOH/Sister was the only one to comment negatively.  She called a few weeks later and said “I was just at JC Penneys and saw the same dress with straps so I think I am going to buy it with my coupon and return yours. Don’t worry I will e-mail the girls to let them know of the dress in case they want straps too.”

I was like well does it have the same diagonal seaming?  What about the ruffle? and she is like no, but it is purple satin.   I was like no – wear the one I had you buy.  Since I chose dresses that cost them $42.00 at the Limited – it shouldnt have been an issue with money! I told her we can add straps to the dress we already purchased and she still doesnt understand.

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