Post # 1
I’m looking for advice/opinions on how long it took you and your partner to move from the “we want to have kids” to actively TTC?
The reason I’m asking is this: a month ago I had my first ever pregnancy scare. At that time I was terrified and thought there could be no worse thing than to be pregnant right now as we had just moved to a different country. I was very relieved when it was negative. However, since then, a few thoughts kept popping up: Before that scare, I was definitely on the fence about kids – I like them and think being a parent is a very special kind of challenge but I wasn’t sure if it was for us any time soon – DH and I are both kind of drawn to the DINK lifestyle and freedom, plus hyper socially aware so not sure about adding to the world population. But now I’m not sure anymore … I think a part of me realised what a special thing it would be to share with DH and he would be an amazing dad etc. plus one bee commented and said how hard it actually is to get pregnant, which made me realise that it could take YEARS from TTC to actually having a baby. Plus, even though it would be scary to be pregnant in a different country, it won’t be so strange forever – if we were to TTC next year for example, I’d be much more comfortable here ito language and support. I’m working from home for the time that we’re here ( a few more years) so that is also quite easy – back home I’d have to go back to a normal office job which would make pregnancy more challenging, plus it might (definitely will) annoy my boss if I took maternity leave within a year or so of being back. I’m starting to feel like a good time might be next summer or so (ie 2019). It might seem like a long way off (it is!) so tell me if I’m crazy for even thinking about it now!
So, since I’m moving to the “I think I might be getting ready to think about TTC” I want to know what you ladies did to prepare before you actively started? Health? Finances? (I’m about 5/10 pounds more than my ideal weight but technically a healthy BMI) and our finances are secure but by no means flush with cash. Did you start saving? Any other tips?
This feels really exciting and scary!
Thanks in advance for any tips!
Ps I hope it is okay to post in the TTC section even if my question is sort of “pre-ttc”!
Post # 2
I didn’t catch whether your SO is on board with wanting a kid. Did you talk to him already about all these feelings and he’s on the same page? Just curious because it would change how you prepare if he’s not anywhere in the realm of wanting a kid anytime soon.
As for your initial question- we decided to start TTC and I had my IUD removed a week after. The first cycle trying I got pregnant. For us, we had a conversation much like the one you need to have (if you haven’t already) talking about timing and goals. We decided we’d like to go abroad for a few years after my current job ends (2020). We didn’t want an infant and we also preferred not to wait until after we returned since that would make me about 34 when we started trying and I already have health challenges. Therefore, starting right away meant likely having at least a one year old before we moved.
Post # 3
We had discussed our TTC plan probably around the time we got engaged, so May 2015. We decided we would get married (July 2016), do some traveling and having fun for a year, then start TTC in Aug/Sep 2017. We were fortunate to get pregnant with a sticky baby by Oct 2017 and I am currently 17 weeks.
We have also been together for 8 years, and discussed wanting a family, so for us it was just timing.
Post # 4
We always knew we wanted kids. It was always a question of “when,” not “if.” I was ready to start trying a few months before DH. When he decided he too was ready, we started trying immediately.
It sounds like you’ve done a 180 from not being sure you ever wanted kids, to badly wanting them ASAP in a pretty short amount of time. I would talk to your partner and think this through carefully before making any decisions.
Post # 5
thanks so much for your thoughtful responses!
My DH has been more pro having kids than me, even if it was through adoption and he is very involved in his godchildren’s lives but he has always said that if I didn’t want kids he would be okay with that too. It’s not that I absolutely didn’t want kids at all, just that I thought it was something way further in the future and not something I was thinking of at all to even decide about. But having been forced to think about it a bit more last month was a big reality check, I realised that it is something I do want and probably should think about preparing for a bit more.
Over the past month I’ve mentioned on several occasions to DH the things I’ve been thinking about, but haven’t full on said that I would like to TTC sometime next year. I think he would think it is a bit too far in the future to worry about it yet – we are savers anyway, so I’m not sure what we would do differently or what else we should think about (hence my post). But obviously it is necessary to have a good (maybe more serious/formal) discussion with him about our goals/timelines so that we are on the same page. Was anyone’s DH surprised by almost two years of prep time?? Did it drive anyone crazy to decide about it and then wait? Maybe it is simpler if you always know it’s a definite thing?
I agree with Tiffanybruiser that it’s a big jump for me – I think about 18 months should be plenty of time to make sure it is the right decision – and time for baby fever to pass if it is just a “phase”. I’ve had a bit of baby fever twice before, but it was more along the lines of “oh, babies are so cuuuute!” and not actually seriously thinking about making the decision to get ready for it, which is more what I’m feeling now. It’s starting to feel like towards next year might be the perfect time for it (in our bigger picture) of course subject to other things being in place – ie stable relationship, health and finances.
You guys have given me quite a bit to think about and talk to DH about, thanks for that Bees.
Post # 6
Oh just one more thing, not sure if it’s clear from my post, sorry, but I’m still not feeling ready for kids asap – I would want to get a bit more settled into my new life here and work on my language skills so that I would be able to get good healthcare – would stress me out so much if I couldn’t understand the Dr. I also need time to grow into the idea of myself as a mother and some time for me and DH to feel ready together – so I’m thinking towards the middle of next year. I just wanted to hear if anyone else felt similarly and what they did to prepare for TTC – emotionally/physically/financially. So we’d continue using birth control diligently til next year!
Thanks for your reply and input!
Post # 7
About 3 years. Now-DH and I decided we wanted more kids (I have a stepson) about a year into dating. We knew we wanted to get married and I wanted to finish grad school because I was working with chemicals that we’re dangerous for fetal development. We started TTC after we got married, I got a full time job, and I started grad school part time to finish my thesis. It took us 8 months (9 menstrual cycles) to get our BFP – longer than anticipated, but the timing was perfect. We got our BFP 2 days after I turned in the final draft of my thesis for graduation! It’s now about 4 years after we decdide we wanted more kids, and our baby will here in April ☺️
Post # 8
I should add, when we got married, we decided to “talk about when to TTC” a month before our first anniversary because I thought I would be done with my lab work by then. Then, when we hit that point, we realized we couldn’t start trying yet, and decided to start trying 7 months later. So I started prenatals vitamins. We ended up starting to TTC only 4 months later because we were so excited. Lol
I recently gave my best friend the advice to set a timeline to talk about it – this way there is time to figure out the when and where you want to be.
Best of luck with this decision and journey!
Post # 9
blue_eyes0203 : SeaOfLove :
congrats to you both with your pregnancies! Hope it will be uneventful, healthy, happy(ish?) months! 😉 Xx
Thanks again to everyone for sharing a bit of their process leading to TTC, it’s been great to read.
Dh and talked about kids and if/when we’d like to start a family during our engagement and we both said 2 years in would be a good time, but because we were both a bit clueless we didn’t specify whether we would start trying or start talking at the 2 year line – and I think that could potentially be a big difference. Anyway, we had a very nice conversation about it all last night, and he agreed that next year might be the right time for us, all things considered. We’ll both think more about it and talk again over the weekend – I think like SeaofLove said – to basically just think about the timeline together first. (Btw I had no idea you could/should take prenatal vitamins before you actually get pregnant! I have so much to learn!)
Post # 10
DH and I always knew we wanted kids but were very unclear about the timing. We currently live abroad and knew we wanted to be back closer to family before having our first for similar reasons to you (language, understanding how the systems work hee, etc). If we were planning to stay here longer we’d probably just go ahead and have the first but we knew we were going to be moving back in the ’17/’18/’19 time area so just stuck it out.
In summer ’17 we had a talk of “probably TTC within the next 2 years maximum” and then about a month ago we decided to stop preventing in August ’18 with the hope that I’ll be pregnant by the end of the year. Ideal would be to get pregnant in Sep/Oct as I’d like to have my maternity leave over the summer 😀
So it will be about a year from our first rough timeline and 8ish months from when we pinpointed a more exact date to start TTC.
As for changes in behavior – not much really. I’ll probably stop drinking alcohol and caffeine in August but that’s about it until I actually test positive. Really those changes are things I would like to do anyway but don’t have a good enough reason to motivate the behavior change.
Otherwise, our situation sounds simlar to yours: we’re savers by nature, we’re financial secure (but not flush), I’m in healthy weight and have a healthy diet. I could probably be a bit more fit but I’m by no means a couch potatoe.
Most changes will come once I test positive. I’ll take pre-natals, I’ll be stricter with my diet and we’ll start putting away daycare money each month just so that we adapt our budget and lifestyle to that extra expense. We’ll then use that money to finance baby supplies, potential birth expenses, and have a little savings pool to use as extra babycare (e.g. nights out) for further down the line.
Post # 11
I like your idea of saving extra in the pregnancy months to get used to additional expenses – seems smart. DH suggested we start a small side savings account for more “lighthearted” pregnancy splurges – so not the seriously needed stuff for me or baby that we’d pay for either from our earnings or savings but more like extra money for pregnancy massages or pregnancy yoga or cute maternity clothes etc, which I thought was sweet. I’ll use your idea too!
Seems like generally we’re in the same situation! I would also be around 34 if I wait until we go back home to ttc, and that just feels too long – plus I’m worried I might have some issues conceiving – my dr has mentioned some potential problems to me.
Do you know of any good books to read about healthy eating habits pre-ttc? I guess hormone balancing food will be good in general. I heard “Taking charge if your fertility” is quite good, but it’s not available on kindle. I might get it delivered via Amazon, but my last purchase took more than 2 months to get here… any other recommendations for books perhaps?
Thanks for your response and happy waiting til August – make sure to enjoy everything you love about childfree life before then! 🙂
Post # 12
Well we’ve been talking about wanting kids for years but we still had things we wanted to do first, like we got married, bought a house and have been slowly painting and renovating one room at a time for the past 2 years, my husband just finished grad school. Originially I thought summer 2018 we would TTC, but now that it’s fast approaching, we decided to do some more traveling instead. We are going to Japan in March and then Costa Rica in July (which has zika) so now we will TTC probably summer 2019. But that just gives us more time to save money and mentally/emotionally/physically prepare. It seems like a long way away right now but I know it will be here before we know it. Perhaps us pushing back our timeline is our subconsious way to say we just aren’t ready yet, which is fine, we have no need to rush.
Post # 13
We talked about wanting to try for kids early on in our relationship and I stopped BC about 6 weeks before we got married and we immediately started trying.
Post # 14
- Wedding: September 2017 - Pearson Convention Centre
We talked about waiting a year before trying to conceive so we will start trying this summer and see what happens
Post # 15
This is so interesting, thanks for sharing, Bees! I think it’s great to decide on a time but keep it flexible. If it doesn’t feel quite right, I wouldn’t want to push it.