(Closed) How Much to Gift Back?

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
Member
1485 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2005 - A Castle

I don’t think you should base it on the fact that they only spent $35 on you. Ask yourself what you would have given them before you got their gift and be the bigger person. 

Post # 3
Member
222 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

Maybe it’s just me, but I wouldn’t expect a gift from anybody who has to fly and / or pay for a hotel room for my wedding. I say a card would be sufficient but I don’t know if that’s proper etiquette. 

Post # 5
Member
7959 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

I believe it is proper to give a gift that you feel is appropriate for the occasion without regard for how much that person may have spent on a gift for you.

Perhaps your friend is in a different financial situation? 

Post # 7
Member
2268 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

$50 in a card and call it even. I never take traveling into consideration when I’m giving a gift.

Post # 8
Member
546 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

We’ve gone to several weddings since being together and my Fiance usually gives 100-200 depending on how fancy and/or how close we are to the couple.  None of those people are coming to our Destination Wedding, which is understandable, but none of those people gave gifts to our only “at home” celebration (engagement party).  If I recall, maybe one of those couples gave a $20 gift card.  If I look at the numbers, we’ve probably spent $1000+ on friend’s weddings, not counting two coming up in Oct that’ll cost us at least $800 more with hotels plus gifts, and get nothing more than $20 in return from ALL of those people combined for our own wedding. 

They’re our friends.  We care about them, and we gave gifts we felt were appropriate.  Not even ettiquette based, but based on the couple and wedding formality.  Does it bother me?  A little, now that you bring it up.  Ultimately it doesn’t affect our friendships and it won’t change how we gift in the future.  Half of the couples didn’t even send out thank you cards.  It happens.  You can’t control other people.  We act how we feel is right.  If you think that $35 is appropriate to gift, do it.  If you think it’ll be interpreted as payback for their gift to you, they’re probably right. 

Edit: just saw your update about financial situation.  I do often take that into account, but I’d still give what I felt was right regardless of their gift to me.

  • This reply was modified 6 years ago by Artie52.
Post # 9
Member
1485 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2005 - A Castle

View original reply
jjn876:  Ouch…I’m sure that stings. Just give what you feel is appropriate without trying to be vindictive about it. A lot of times people are well off because they are cheap assholes. 

Post # 10
Member
151 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2016

Did you enjoy the gift from them?  Was it thoughtful?  I would give a gift that you would be excited for them to receive 🙂 It’s not so much about the cost of the gift but more so about their enjoyment of the gift for me.

Post # 11
Member
9201 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

View original reply
dracarys:  and a lot of times they appear to be well off but are actually swimming in debt! Unless you have access to their account statements you can’t assume much about a persons finances based just on what they choose to show off.

Post # 12
Member
2065 posts
Buzzing bee

View original reply
jjn876:  Keep in mind that appearances can be deceiving and they may not be as well off as you think.  Student loans, big spenders, planning their wedding?  Second, a lot of people don’t gift at all for a wedding they are not attending so maybe they went ahead and sent you just a little something even though they are not attending because you are attending theirs.  And the comment about people being well off because they are cheap assholes … how about they are well off because they are thrifty and/or invest and don’t spend frivilously including not sending out big chunks of their cash as gifts. 

Would I give them $200 or more … no … I would follow their thrifty plan and send a gift in the $50 – $100 range unless you find something meaningful for a bit less.

 

Post # 14
Member
1029 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

If you’re good enough friends to fly for their wedding, give a small <50$ gift and a card with your heartfelt congratulations.  

If they’re rich, will they be having a big, fancy wedding? You’d pay 100$+ for a fancy night out on the town at home, anyway.    

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