Post # 1
Background – We got married in September and did not have a shower and did not register. Almost all of our guests gave us money, so I have a good base point for gift amounts for my friends who are getting married after me.
My first post-wedding friend is getting married in November and her shower is going to be in August. Here’s my question….
Example: If she gave us $100 with no shower gift, should I give her a $25 shower gift and $75 for a wedding gift or should the shower gift be considered completely separate from the wedding?
I don’t want to look cheap as in “we gave them $100 for their wedding and they only gave us $75”. But I’d technically be spending 25% more on all of my friends than they spent on me because I chose not to have a shower.
Post # 3
Hmmm, I never thought of this before, but I have always viewed the shower as a separate expense. I give the same amount regardless of whether there is a shower.
Post # 4
I feel like I have spent $1000’s on my friends weddings and showers, so I know what you mean.
Typically, if Im invited to the shower I get a gift from their registry thats in the $40-$50 range. The only time I spent more than that was when I was in the bridal party. For the wedding I generally give a minimum of $100 for the two of us. If its a very close friend or family member then maybe a little more.
Post # 5
I’m jealous that you have a base point; I feel like I’m always flailing when I buy wedding gifts! We try to base what we give on how close we are to a couple, but other factors (like: how embarrassed would I be if mine were the least expensive gift opened at this shower? Who else is attending?) sneak in.
Usually we shoot for $75 as a shower gift and $75 each for the wedding gift–so about $225 total. We’ve only had close family and close friends get married so far (I also splurged a little extra on my big brother)…I assume for less-close friends we’ll give a little less.
I guess I partly consider the shower gift as part of the total gift, but acknowledge that I’ll be able to spend less without a shower–after all, the shower is a separate party.
Post # 6
@Bostongrl25:I have never had to throw a shower for a friend, but my mom has hosted for a lot of her friend’s children and has spent anywhere between $200-400 on their parties. She was a bit offended when her friends did not add that amount to our wedding gift, because they did not have to host a shower for us. I didn’t really expect them to, but I can kind of see her point, because she sees the money spent on a shower and wedding as coming from “one pot”, it just depends on how you divide it.
Post # 7
I always determine what the cost of my gift will be, then I buy two gifts that total that amount. One is given at the shower, one is at the wedding.
I actually posted this question like a year ago, and the response I got was similar – take total cost and divide it however you like, but with keeping the total gift amoun the same.