(Closed) How much $$$ to give at a “cash preferred” shower?

posted 8 years ago in Parties
Post # 47
Member
74 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@MsFoxxy:  @naturalysam:  I agree with MsFoxxy – according to all sources I have read/heard, it is bad etiquette to include registry information in wedding invitations, but not shower invitations. The term “bridal shower” came from the idea of “showering” the bride-to-be with gifts. Giving gifts is the whole point of a shower. So it is not in as bad taste to expect gifts at the shower as it is to expect them at the wedding. For this reason, I have always been told it is fine to include registry info in the shower invitation but never in the wedding invitation.

I personally would never ask for money, but I agree that it might be cultural and people should respect that and not be so quick to judge. Not everyone does things the same way, and that should be fine. In my opinion, to suggest you wouldn’t go to a shower simply because it is asking for money instead of gifts is very harsh. You are generally invited to the showers of people who care about you, so to disregard that relationship just because they didn’t do things the way you would is very judgmental and unsupportive.

Post # 48
Member
1577 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@tink1983:  Totally agree.. I was very surprised at all of the people who said that they just wouldn’t go at all over something silly like asking for $$ instead of gifts.  Especially since showers generally aren’t even hosted by the bride.  Why not go to support your friend regardless of how you felt about the invitation?  It’s just a piece of paper.. who cares if you don’t agree with what it said.. it’s not your party!  Especially since, apparently, it has to do with the bride’s culture.

Post # 49
Member
615 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

I wouldn’t go. Period. I would refuse to support or humor a bride who thinks that is acceptable behavior.

But that’s just me.

Post # 50
Member
3175 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

@maraschino:  Personally, I think that’s rude. After all, the BRIDE herself isn’t hosting the shower. Why punish her for etiquette faux pas?

OP, I would give whatever you would generally give for a wedding gift. I think anywhere between $20-50 is appropriate in this case. A GC would be equally as apporpriate IMO.

Post # 51
Member
7899 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort

@obsessivebee:  The problem is that showers are for gifts. Specifically for gifts. 

To the OP: I kind of feel like I’d give a GC because I think cash for a shower is just WEIRD, and I think $20 is fine considering your circumstances.

Post # 52
Member
2135 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

So I am going to be that person who will defend the bride (potentially). I get that it is rude to ask for cash, but maybe there is a good reason. I only say this because I have been thinking lately about how difficult it will be to register for my own wedding/shower in the next few months. In my case, Fiance and I are totally broke and will be moving into a bedroom in my parents basement, where we will probably live for a few years. Living in a bedroom (not having a whole house/apartment to ourselves) will make traditional registering very difficult. So, I am just saying that maybe the bride has reasons for her cash only shower.

Post # 53
Member
2414 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I would give as much in cash as I would spend on the gift. I generally spend $50-$75 on bridal shower gifts. But yea, the “cash preferred” is weird.

Also, I’ve never EVER received a bridal shower invitation WITHOUT registry information on it!

Post # 54
Member
183 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

@nutMeg13:  I totally get that. Some people have special circumstances, and people should be more accepting. You would think people would be more accepting with all the talk about accepting diversity that goes on today. 

 

@mrsSonthebeach:  I was always under the impression that a shower was a celebration for the bride. I know that involves gifts, but cash can be a gift. 

I don’t understand why cash can’t be a gift at a shower but it can be for birthdays, Christmas, etc. Also, how are gift cards any different? You still don’t get to pick out the gift. Is it just that you don’t want the bride to have the freedom to get what SHE really wants as a gift from you? I thought the point of shower gifts was to make a nice gesture towards the bride, and a cash gift can do that too.  

Post # 55
Member
3175 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

@obsessivebee:  Yes, cash is an acceptable gift for any occasion. Soliciting cash gifts is not. A registry says “Here are the brands of gifts I like if you’d prefer to get me one of these, but get me what you want” saying cash only means “I don’t trust you to pick a gift & think you’re too stupid to know that money’s an option, so just give me cash”. 

Like I said, though, the bride’s not the host in this case, so cut her some slack.

Post # 56
Member
615 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

@les105:  I totally get what you’re saying, but I find it hard to believe that the bride had zero say or knowledge of the “cash only” factor. As a bride, I would be positively LIVID if someone – anyone – had the nerve to dictate to my loved ones what is/isn’t acceptable as a gift.

Post # 57
Member
3175 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

@maraschino:  I guess maybe my response is colored by my experience, as my shower hosts put something I would TOTALLY be opposed to etiquete wise on my invitation to “do me a favor” because I live so far away. It was sweet & thoughtful in a way, but it certainly doesn’t reflect my values & I wasn’t about to contact all my guests to tell them the generous people who offered to host my shower were being rude.

Post # 58
Member
5889 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2012

$0

Post # 59
Member
5493 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2011

First of all I would not judge the bride or the hosts of the shower for the cash gift requests becaue it sounds like they come froma different culture with social norms that are different than the American standard.

Second, I would give a cash gift equal to how much I would have spend on the gift.  For me $50 is around what I would spend for a shower. If you are in position to spend $20, then $20 it is.

Post # 60
Member
1340 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

I’m glad that you’re considering attending the shower–people have cash showers for all different sorts of reasons, so at least you’re open to it. As a fellow student, cash isn’t exactly free-flowing around our household, but I think $30-$40 is appropriate in this situation.

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