(Closed) How much to give when you don't have for yourself?

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
3357 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

ANY gift is acceptable, because it’s a gift, even if it’s just a card of congratulations.

EDIT: I am apparently not well-versed about bridal party “obligations”.

Post # 4
4439 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2013 - Harbourfront Grand Hall

@Aquaria:  I think $50 but lots of people in the party don’t give gifts.

As for the rest of your post that’s what you (your SO) sign on for when you agree to be a groomsman!  You definitely didn’t have to attend the shower and bachelorette party if you don’t know her.

Post # 5
3692 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

I’d have declined to be in the bridal party, to be honest.  I’ve declined wedding invitations altogether before because Darling Husband would’ve had to buy a new suit (formal dress code) and we couldn’t afford any gift at all.

Post # 6
1966 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Any gift is acceptable.  Your husband should decline being a gm. Its very expensive to be in a wedding, if you can’t afford it I’m sure the friend will understand. 

Post # 7
2390 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Gifts for a bachelorette?  I’ve never heard of that.

Anyway, you certainly don’t have to give a gift – give a card.  Maybe this makes me a jerk, but I’ve never given a gift when I’m in the bridal party – I figure I’ve spent enough money by that point.


Post # 8
2183 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2011 - Florida Aquarium

I think if you’ve given gifts for her shower and bachelorette, a sincere card wishing them the best will be more than enough. The groom knows your situation and should be happy just to have your husband standing next to him.

Honestly, I didn’t even realize the bridal party was supposed to give gifts. They pay so much already, and they are important in your life so you ask them to participate in your wedding. How is that not a gift enough? My maid of honor and my husband’s best man gave us gifts, but it was totally unnecessary, and they were the only ones in our bridal party to do so– but they had the means and really wanted to (both had just gotten new jobs and were excited to have money to spend hahaha).

Post # 9
9139 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

I would also rec your husband decline being a Groomsmen.  It’s one thing to spend $100 to rent a suit and show up, it’s another to be expected to spend hundreds of dollars to attend mutiple events related to the wedding, especially if it’s a destination wedding.  As for a gift, I would send a heartfelt card wishing the couple congratulations and leave it at that if your husband decides to stay in the bridal party.  If he bows out and attends as a guest then there is nothing wrong with a $50 gift if that is all you can afford.

Post # 10
3230 posts
Sugar bee

Not all brides will think this way, but I think just having you there to celebrate is enough. We registered for gifts but really don’t expect anything. Gifts are only a bonus to us.

Post # 11
1710 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013 - Walt Disney World

Honestly, I agree with PPs.  Your husband shouldn’t have accepted the invitation to be part of the bridal party if it was too much of a financial burden.  And, if you don’t know the bride that well, I wouldn’t have gone to the bridal shower or bachelorette parties.

Any gift you give to them should be accepted with grace and appreciation.  I think it is fine to give them a card for their wedding, especially since you already gave them gifts.  (I also always thought that the bridal shower gift is essentially the wedding gift, but that may be just me, idk).

I never really understood why people obligate themselves to do things they can’t afford; this is not a direct response to the OP, just my observation and I’ll use my own wedding as an example.  FI has 4 GMs (1 Bridesmaid or Best Man and 3 GMs).  He is paying for half of their tux rentals in lieu of a gift for them (since he did chose rentals that are a little pricier than a traditional rental and he can’t think of good gifts for his guys).  Anyway, a few of them expressed the cost of travel and hotel for the wedding and getting days off.  I keep telling Fiance, if they can’t stand up for him we would understand (we are certainly not demanding their presence there) and he does express that to his guys but they insist on coming.  

I think after all is said and done, you give what you can and are comfortable with and the bride and groom should be gracious, no matter what the gift is.

Post # 12
1710 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013 - Walt Disney World

@MRSsrm85:  +1 We don’t expect any gifts from our bridal party.

Post # 13
2905 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I think a small gift would be nice but not necessary. You can find a nice picture frame or bottle of champagne for around $20. Maybe a cute picnic basket or something small they could use on their honeymoon? But honestly, a card is probably sufficient. 

I spent a lot of money on my brother’s wedding, and wound up spending $60 on their gift. I usually spend in the $200-$300 range for family wedding gifts, but I had to get something much less expensive as I was broke from the dress, the shower, the weekend bachelorette and so on.

I’m not expecting gifts from my bridal party and understand that their presence is my gift – in the dresses they bought and altered, their work and money that went into throwing my bridal shower and so on. Most rational people will understand that. I do hope they get us a card! But that’s the limit of my expectations from them. 

Post # 14
6256 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2014

I am of the belief that if it’s a destination wedding, your present is me showing up. If you want lots of gifts, marry in the local church/VFW and register at Target.

Requesting gifts for a bachelorette is asinine. The entire point is to celebrate the last day of being single/to drink/to have a girls’ night. None of that should require me making a trip to Victoria’s Secret, though I will be happy to pay for the bride’s drinks, food and cover charge for the evening.

Post # 15
7211 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2015

@EffieTrinket:  +1

Even if I’m getting married locally, I assume Out of Town guests will get a card or just something small… or all go in together on something. 

If your husband’s friend knows his situation, he shouldn’t be offended if you don’t get them big gifts. He knows his wedding is already a burden on you. Don’t worry too much about it. 

Post # 16
4436 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I would have declined as well. I’m sure they would understand, considering they are aware of your financial situation. They should appreciate the fact that you are low on funds and either offer to pay for some of the costs, or accept that you just can’t go.

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