(Closed) How Much to Spend on Gifts When You Can’t Make the Wedding?

posted 8 years ago in Gifts and Registries
Post # 3
Member
2781 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I tend to spend around the same amount. They’re saving on not having to feed me, sure, but I’m also probably saving in travel and accommodation costs. But it does depend a lot on the registry and what they’re registered for.

Post # 4
Member
1051 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

I’m kinda with you on this one.  I think I probably do spend less if I don’t go.  Although, the only weddings I don’t make it to are people I’m not as close to.  For family and good friends, I find a way to get there.

Post # 5
Member
5670 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2010

I can see where you are coming from, but I usually spend the same amount whether I go to the wedding or was invited and can’t make it.

Post # 6
Member
1465 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Spend whatever you can afford without going broke. Everyone has different financial situations and personal guidelines as to what to spend so there is no universal rule across the board. What you might normally spend, someone else may see as either being stingy or extravagant but it’s not their money to play with. Only you can decide how much to spend.

If I’m not able to attend a wedding, I just buy a card and mail it. The idea that your gift should cover your plate really does not make any sense, and unless you are paying the bill yourself, there is no way that anyone other than the bride and groom will even be made aware of that cost.

Post # 7
Member
2208 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I tend to not send the same amount. If Fiance and I attend, we spend in the $150 – $200 range. If we don’t attend, we go more with a $50 – $100 gift, depending on the relationship. If it is one of 42 cousins (yes), closer to $50, but if it a friend of us both, more like $100.

Post # 8
Member
1684 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2010

I def. spend less if I don’t go to a wedding. Usually I give between $300-500 as a present if I attend. If I’m not able to attend the wedding I usually buy one of the higher priced items on their registry or a formal table gift like Waterford candlesticks or something.

Post # 9
Member
3162 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I spend less if I don’t attend because, generally speaking, if I’m not going to the wedding I’m not super close with the person anyway.

Post # 10
Member
5670 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2010

The only thing I would add, is if you don’t go the wedding people may not realize that’s why you gave less. So if you usually give $200 and only give $100 because you didn’t attend, you will probably only get a $100 from the couple if they are invited to your weddding, even if they do attend.

Post # 11
Member
1570 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 1996

I can’t speak from experience, but etiquette nixes the idea that a wedding gift is a person’s way of paying for their meal. A gift should be given freely as a symbol of goodwill and blessing for the new marriage and the couple’s life together, regardless of what you’re getting “in return.” I know my parents always picked something really nice off of a couple’s registry to send them regardless of whether they attended the wedding, and I hope if there’s ever a wedding I’m not able to attend that I’ll have the class to do the same.

Post # 12
Member
2015 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

If I don’t attend the wedding, it usually means I’m not close to the couple, and that’s largely how I determine how much I spend (combined with what we can actually afford). When I don’t attend a wedding, I usually spend less on the gift, but that’s because I don’t usually spend as much on a couple I’m not super close with as opposed to a best friend or family member. I hate admitting it, but it’s true.

Generally speaking, though, I always try to be as generous as possible, but a girl has limits!

Post # 13
Member
2398 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

Maybe I’m weird, but I tend to want to spend more on the gift if I can’t attend. 

Post # 14
Member
2186 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

maybe this isnt kosher – but if i dont attend, i usually just send a card. 99% of the time if its someone that is a close relative or friend theni will make it come hell or highwater. so if i dont come then i dont bother with a full out gift. the only time i have bought a gift when i didnt attend is when i had something at work i coudlnt get out of but really would have gone otherwise, then i spent what i normally woul dhave spent $150.

Post # 15
Member
8353 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2011

I spend the same as if I would have gone to the wedding or not gone to the wedding. However, it does work out to less, if I don’t go, because I am not purchasing a new outfit, etc.

Post # 16
Member
10218 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2010

I usually spend the same or more if I cannot attend (but around 50-75 bucks and things off the registry)… I tell y’all what, after reading some of the responses I’m tempted to send y’all invites :D.. j/k 😀

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