(Closed) how much to spend on gifts?

posted 9 years ago in Bridesmaids
  • poll: How much should I spend for each bridesmaid's gifts?
    just give them the jewelry (around $55) : (14 votes)
    33 %
    around $75 total : (9 votes)
    21 %
    around $100 total : (10 votes)
    24 %
    around $125 total : (2 votes)
    5 %
    around $150 total : (1 votes)
    2 %
    more than $150 : (6 votes)
    14 %
  • Post # 4
    Member
    14186 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2009

    Meh, bumping is how how you get responses =]

    I’ve always been one to believe in gift-giving cost matching. It really bothers me when BMs spend $250 on a dress and the bride gifts them something for $50 because they’re "on a budget". Well, i’m sure your girls are, too! I know it’s not about the money, but I like to be even-kilter. I took into factor what my girls are spending on me and used that as a guestimate on what to spend on them. I have a Bridesmaid or Best Man coming from out of town, but I also paid for a lot of dinners when I visited her over Thanksgiving and she and her mom are staying in my guest room. So really it’s just her plane ticket, but I bought one over Thanksgiving and I stayed with her, then too. I got my Maid/Matron of Honor an extra gift worth about $60 because i know she spent money on the shower and bachelorette party. I’m thinking that I’m going to gift her that privately though so that my other BMs don’t get jealous. It’s a sweeet gift. Since you’ve already bought them nice pearl/earring sets and their dresses weren’t super expensive, I’d say if you want to, a $25-50 gift would be sufficient. Or, something personalized. I really like those Lolita wine glasses and they’re about $25 apiece. And no, I do not think it’s tacky to combine gifts if you want to get them something nicer! Even a pedicure gift card I think would be super fabulous as a Bridesmaid or Best Man to receive. I did the combo thing for one of my BMs (the Out of Town one) for Christmas AND her bday which is in December also. I figured I could spend $50 on each, or get her one really awesome gift, and I got her a Coach purse. She looooved it. 

    My Fiance and I tried to "even out" on gifts, too. He put $50 towards their tuxes and bought them $50 ties. I paid for the girls’ dresses (mom made them so they were really inexpensive), hair, jewelry, and some DIY things like tote bags and wine glasses and some little fun stuff like that. We both ended up spending about $100. Since his sister is standing on his side (and you can’t get her a tie, lol), and she bought her own black dress (she’s 7 mo pregnant), we got her a really nice pearl necklace from Jared’s in our wedding colors (more like $180 but it’s his sister!) and got her husband (also in our wedding) a GC for a nice restaurant b/c he helped us with our rings. But we’re going to do the GC privately. Since Future Sister-In-Law is also a hair stylist i’m getting her a massage gift cert since she won’t take any money!

    Anyways, that’s what we’re doing.  By The Way,massage places typically offer 60 minutes for $35 or $39 for new clients. So if none of your ladies indulge, that’s right about in your price range, and who doesn’t love a 60 minute massage?!

    Post # 5
    Member
    119 posts
    Blushing bee

    I think the cost of the gifts should be in porportion to how much they are spending to be in the wedding. I think your $55 necklaces are in the right price range. BUT I also think it is nice to give something personal, individual and not-at-all wedding related.

    You hope that those girls will wear the necklaces again. But you don’t know if they actually will. I think you should spend $20 to $30 more dollars on a second gift, something that reflects each girl’s unique personality and taste. This will really appreciate the extra effort you put in to finding something that reflects your individual friendships.

    Post # 6
    Member
    1115 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2009

    Oh my gosh, this post has me absolutely freaked out. I only spent $35 on each of my bridesmaids for white gold/cubic zarconia earrings. Now I’m thinking that’s nowhere near enough bc four of them have to fly to be in my wedding AND their dresses were $220 each.

    Here is the thing though … 2 out of five have their dads paying for them to be in the wedding (all expenses covered), my mom is paying for the flight for one of them (and she was the one who freakin forced me into the $220 dress at the threat of not being in my wedding, one I already gave $50 toward her dress because she was whining about the cost of everything, and the last one was with the first one pushing the more expensive dress! UGh. I excused at least three of them from getting me any gifts and their plates are at $55 each (filet mignon or salmon), plus guest. Their bouquets are $35 each. I just don’t see how good food, beautiful flowers, and the $1,000 I dropped on booze for them isn’t enough?

    I don’t want to get necklaces, should I get them something else? If so, what? What if I pay for their hair or something? The only problem is MY WHOLE WEDDING IS BEING THROWN FOR UNDER $13,000. I don’t have any extra to put toward this really 🙁

    Post # 7
    Member
    40 posts
    Newbee

    I really do not believe that your bridesmaids are going to add up the cost of each item and think…hm…..that is enough! For a past wedding, I spent 180 on a bridesmaid dress, 35 on shoes, and 100 on wedding gifts, etc, and the bride gifted me a cookbook, an apron, and a set of olive oils (I love to cook). Needless to say, it was not a 300 dollar wedding gift, or even close to 100 dollars, but it was much appreciated and very thoughtful.

     For my bridesmaids, I had a black robe monogrammed with each girl’s initial (to wear when getting ready), and I gifted them fabulous pumps since the dresses are cocktail length (retail value, around 50 a pair). I am also going to get a tote of some kind and stuff it with a little something personal for each girl – maybe earrings, but each girl gets a different kind of pearl earring? My Maid/Matron of Honor is the only one I am splurging on – she gets a Kate Spade handbag with her robe and jewelry. She is out of town, and has been my major crutch for all things wedding related. Still, all in all, I will not spend 100 a bridesmaid – perhaps 50-75….when you have 5 girls – that adds up quickly!

    Post # 8
    Member
    5823 posts
    Bee Keeper

    I think that comparing what you spent on the groomsman to the bridesmaids doesn’t really compare since they can’t KEEP their tuxes.  The BMs keep the dresses AND the jewelry, so really I think you’ve already done more than enough for your whole party.  If anything, I’d give the guys something more!

    Post # 9
    Member
    119 posts
    Blushing bee

    I excused at least three of them from getting me any gifts and their plates are at $55 each (filet mignon or salmon), plus guest. Their bouquets are $35 each. I just don’t see how good food, beautiful flowers, and the $1,000 I dropped on booze for them isn’t enough?

    Well the flowers are for you, and the food and booze are the same as for any guest. I’m not trying to tell you that your gift is inadequate. Only you can know what will make your friends feel special and loved. And surely your girls aren’t going to add it all up monetarily. It just kind of bugs me in general when the bride and groom spend a fortune on things that please themselves and cheap out on the gifts for people who are supposedly their closest friends.

    I really do not believe that your bridesmaids are going to add up the cost of each item and think…hm…..that is enough! For a past wedding, I spent 180 on a bridesmaid dress, 35 on shoes, and 100 on wedding gifts, etc, and the bride gifted me a cookbook, an apron, and a set of olive oils (I love to cook). Needless to say, it was not a 300 dollar wedding gift, or even close to 100 dollars, but it was much appreciated and very thoughtful.

    I did not mean to sound as if I was saying that the bridesmaids gifts should cost the same amount as the dresses/shoes/jewelry/hair/makeup/ect. You can see in my first post that I suggested the original poster spend $20 more on a little something extra, because I feel that it is important to recognize the individuality of each bridesmaid/groomsman, if possible.

    I think the gift your friend gave you (apron, cookbook, olive oils) is PERFECT, because it A) has nothing to do with her wedding and B) demonstrates a knowledge of your intererests and tastes, which is what I was telling the original poster to do.

    Post # 10
    Member
    359 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2009

    Including parents, and child, and Maid/Matron of Honor and Brest Man, I’m at just over $300. Only because I want them to really love their gifts, and a lot of custom engraving was involved. This total also included all shipping charges too. Now I just need something for gramma…

    They are all flying out, and everything except one dinner is on their own dime. I love them all.  

     

    Post # 11
    Member
    1115 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2009

    Ivy, I take a little offense to your comment. What about the fact I told them not to get me gifts? AND you are acting like I spent a ton on things to make Fiance and I happy, and nothing on them (who are guests as well as maids). $13,000 is not a lot to be serving filet mignon and salmon to everyone, not to mention booze. If it was just for me, I could have just had the better food for me and the head table, and served everyone else chicken and soda, but I went out of my way (skimping on things like my cake and programs/invites etc.) to make sure everyone had a wonderful evening with good food and friends.

    Post # 12
    Member
    652 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: July 2009

    i personally would not combine it with a christmas gift, but thats my opinion, i think spending around 150 would be what I would do, which is what I am planning on doing for my BMs

    Post # 13
    Member
    119 posts
    Blushing bee

    Panda,

    All I meant by my comment was that most of that money is being spent on things that are enjoyed by all of your guests (food/drinks) or are really just for your own enjoyment (flowers).

    To me, great bridesmaid’s gifts are about demonstrating that your friends mean more to you than ordinary guests and also that you are familiar with their individual tastes. That’s why I love the cookbook/apron/olive oil gift Ivy mentioned above.

    It’s not about the money, it’s about the demonstration the bride understands they have gone out of their way for her. And she should thank them for their efforts with gifts that have nothing to do with her wedding, because in my mind everything but the food/drink/music at your wedding is more about you than anyone else.

    Heck I’m spending $75 each on gifts for readers and the officiants and my wedding budget is $10,000. It can be done.

    Post # 14
    Member
    599 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2009

    For me, the important things in my life are my friends and family and I would rather spend $600 spoiling my girls than spend $1800 on flowers or decorations. I didn’t even include gifts in the budget, and I plan on trying to scrimp on areas that are more what I call "selfish" parts of the wedding (like photography, decor, planning, etc). I have been saving for their gifts for ages in a "gift" account I have, from even before I got engaged. This account is for any gifts in general, but I will be using it now to fund the Bridesmaid or Best Man gifts.

    I think I have it narrowed down to what I will get them, I am pretty excited about it because I think they will love their gifts. Its a bunch of little things that I have tried to get to reflect their tastes and personalities. To me, this has been one of the most fun and guilt-free parts of the wedding planning!!

    Just try to focus on how much you love making them happy and touched, not the money! Of course, as always, this is only my opinion, different things take priority to different people. Good luck and don’t stress too much! They’ll still love you!

    Post # 15
    Member
    128 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: April 2010

    I agree with mskalinin. Personalizing each gift for your bridesmaids has no cost, for me anyways. I’m making them necklaces, getting a pashmina, pjs or something along that line. One of them is into singing, another into cooking, the other loves to go to festivals, and my Maid/Matron of Honor is in Illustration and Design. Just getting them something unique with what they like/do will make it extra special.

    Post # 16
    Member
    101 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: September 2009

    I think it also depends on how big the bridal party is. I mean, if you have three maids, then you might be able to afford a $100 gift for each of them. BUT if you are like me and have eight, it’s a different story. I picked out cheaper dresses for my girls, really cheap (and optional) hair and makeup, and left the shoes open to their choosing. In reality, I am pretty sure they are spending less on things for my wedding than I did being in all of theirs. Not that it really matters, but I’m just saying that I don’t think there is a set amount that is the “right” amount to spend on gifts. You do what you can afford.

    While I would love to splurge on gifts for them, I simply can’t afford to spend $800 or more for it. I disagree with the person who placed more value on how much she spends on her girls instead of her photography. To me, this is MY wedding, and with only a certain amount of money to spend, it is the one time I feel I can spend this money on “selfish” things.

    My girls know they mean the world to me. No gift will ever show them that any more than I already have. Instead of buying something really expensive, I am going to focus on making the gifts things they will really like and hopefully be able to use more than just once. I also plan to make them something personal since I am pretty crafty.

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