Post # 17
I’d spend a lot on a trip for us, but I can’t think of many material items I’d spent more than about $1500 or $2000 on outside of a car, furniture, house, or a boat (or the like). Well I would spend more, but they’d be useful items, at least to me (like furniture, knives, cookware, etc). I’m not into jewelry, so we only spent $1500 on my ring, and I wouldn’t have wanted to spend any more regardless of how much I had/made. It’s just not useful to me and I don’t place any value into it.
I can’t think of anything for $10 or $ 20k that I could buy him that he would want…outside of what I mentioned above. FWIW I told him I didn’t want an engagement ring and would have just preferred a nice wedding band but he insisted.
I’m not waiting, but my mentality was the same before we were engaged.
Post # 18
The most I’ve spent is 3500 on a watch (wedding gift), only felt fair after he dropped 10k+ on a ring. Although at least I wear my ering, he almost never wears the watch.
Post # 19
@Aquaria: Typically I spend much more on him than he does on me. I got him a laptop for xmas, SnapOn wrenches for his birthday, LOTS of little things here and there (before we were engaged). He spent ~10K on my ring because he wanted to. But I’m paying for 10K more of the wedding than he is because I want to (I sold my first house and am using some of that money for the wedding). I think it evens out.
Post # 20
@Aquaria: Interesting thread…I guess, until the Bee, I never heard of that rule. We went in, he set a limit, and I stuck by it.
In terms of how much I’d be willing to spend on him, well, if he asked I would do it if I had the funds available. I paid of his student loan which was quite a few thousand dollars. In the end it benefited me too, but so does my ring technically. Like someone said, he uses it as a source of pride, and it means something to both of us, even if he doesn’t wear it, so I would be willing to match what he spent or more if needed.
Post # 21
i think an engagement ring is separate from a normal gift. i’m not saying that a girl should expect a $10,000+ ring.
but women today want to be independent financially or share finances with their future husbands but still expect old fashioned ways when it comes to erings.
if DH had spent his own money, i would probably have a very nice $500 ring. fortunately, my mother gave DH my grandmother’s diamond and another ring to trade to help save him money. i was able to have a higher valued ring (my mother wanted to me to have a gorgeous piece of jewelry that i will wear the rest of my life.)
and since DH doesn’t make a lot of money, i wanted a certain wedding band and bought my wedding band myself. we discussed that DH would buy his own wedding band since i bought mine.
so as far as a gift, it really depends on my and our financial situation. if DH’s dream gift was something he couldn’t afford but I knew was on his bucket list, I would probably spend up to $2000, (i make double what DH makes.). any more than that, then i hope it is something we both can enjoy, like a vacation.
Post # 22
@Aquaria: It totally depends I suppose.
When my bf (at the time- now my husband) and I first started dating, he lost his job. After about 2 months, he was running low on funds, so I gave him $500 to make the last 2 payments on his truck- then we was all done with it.
I have never asked for the money back– it doesn’t really matter at this point, we are married and combine finances 100%.
He didn’t ask for the money to make the payments- I offered it to him. I knew that we’d either end up together forever, or if we didn’t, that he would happily pay me back- because that’s just the kind of guy he is. Even though it was money to pur towards a “debt”, I still consider it a gift– so I guess that means that I am comfortable give a gift of at least $500 to my BF (which sounds so weird- but you get the point).
When I was in my 20’s, I gave a BF a $4,500 gift. I’ll be honest- yes, I had the money- and no, I didn’t really give it to him thinking we were going to end up together forever….it was just what I wante to do at the time.
And guess what- there was a time when I regretted it. I don’t care anymore- it’s been many years. But I have always been a generous person when I’ve had the resources to be generous. I’ve changed my tune a bit as I’ve gotten older- and I have a 5 year old, so I have other things I need to put finances towards.
Post # 23
@Aquaria: I would spend any amount that I could afford on my Fiance. He would do the same for me.
Post # 24
There aren’t too many things either of us have that would equal the cost of my engagement ring. It wasn’t a 10k ring either. It’s also a bit different, buying for a bf/gf vs. buying for someone who’s about to become your Fiance. I paid off my DH’s student loans, which cost more than my e-ring & wedding band combined, but he wasn’t my BF at the time, he was my Fiance.
Post # 25
Once it’s in my budget, I already have plans in place to get him a $500 briefcase. I don’t want an overly expensive ring, and I’ve made this known to him. All in all, we don’t have particularly expensive tastes, and once our finances are combined (pre nup on family/trust money and property only, so our relatives will never feel they have a stake in our relationship) it won’t matter anyways who spends what.
This. Paying for things and buying me gifts are a mark of pride for him. If I pick up a cup of coffee, he (who hates coffee) will try to pick up a pastry or a bottle of water in an attempt to be the one who pays, and always has a tiny moment of sulking when I insist. Being able to provide for me and take care of me is important to him and boosts his confidence. Not because he has to, or because I make him (I’ve always gone Dutch in past relationships) but because he likes it.
Post # 26
That is a really interesing pespective!! To answer your question, I would say that due to my frugal nature, I would probably spend (at most) $1000.00 on a single item – if he desired it. I would spend money (say $4000) on a VK, of which I have in the past, but (let’s be honest) that was a selfish gift to him because I NEEDED it as well 🙂
I did not demand a certain ring, or the cost of which I thought he should pay. He did spend quite a bit more on it than I would have ever expected, but he did not go broke doing it either (ie, he makes a great living, and had saved for it too). Was I shocked that he spent so much on a gift for me?! YOU BET I WAS…shocked, grateful and humbled really. At the same time, I have to recongize that although I am the one wearing it, this ring is also about him too/for him too. It is our way of symbolizing our continued commitment. I think it is his way of ‘showing off’ a bit too, because a lot of people assume his job title equates to low income…
For us, as a couple, this purchase (of which I get to wear) is no different than him going out and spending 5k on a new four wheeler, or putting a 10k deposit on a new truck. At least, that is how he viewed this large purchase, because when he opened the box I insisted it was too much!!
Just my spin 🙂
Post # 27
Interesting thread. I’m waiting, and I’ve never spent more than $ 400 on my SO. We always have a spending limit when it comes to holidays. I know the ring he wants to get me is very expensive, and I’ve been thinking of what I could buy him as an engagement gift. It still honestly wouldn’t equal the price of my ring, but he doesnt like me shelling out that much money and it would make him uncomfortable.
Post # 28
i always think it’s funny for me…i have no qualms spending lots on the ones i love, but the minute they want to do the same for me, i feel awful!
I keep insisting to my SO that i don’t need some $10k + ring, i really really don’t, i was perfectly ecstatic with the thought of a moissanite ! BUT like so many have said, it’s a point of pride for many of our SO’s, it definitely is for mine. However, I would have no issue spending that same 10k on him in the form of a watch i know he has been in love with, so i guess i shouldn’t be shocked if the price tag on my future ring is near that. I’d be perfectly over the moon with a ring at no more than 3 thousand. So has it stuck in his head that Tiffany is the “be-all, end-all” of rings, and although they are pretty ( of course they are!) i have a small Tiffany necklace and bracelet (bought them at the New York store on a trip together, so they are special), i keep trying to get it into his brain that spending the amount it costs for a Tiffany engagement ring is insane! There are a ton of rings that have the same settings and look as Tiffany, just with a different name, besides, no one is even going to know it’s Tiffany unless i told them, so what’s the point in paying for the name? i just don’t get it! It’s not helping the budget when his younger brother gets married in a week and i believe he spent 10k on a Tacori ring for his fiancee, so as the older brother i think my SO doesn’t want to be shown up!
Post # 29
@Aquaria: if our finances were the same, I would absolutely spend the same on one item for him as he spent on my e-ring. But I’m a grad student earning negative money (haha). However, I would gladly spend a comparable amount on an item for him. My e-ring cost him about 90% of one month’s salary after taxes. For me, this would be about $900. But we’d also have to look at what I can comfortable afford based on my total financial situation (such as savings and investments) compared to his situation. I’d say that in my current financial situation, what I could comfortable afford for one item that would compare to the “damage” of my e-ring for him would be about $500. All of this is without saving up, mind you. He just spent an amount he was comfortable with that he had at the time, so it would only be fair for me to do the same. But like I said, if we had similar salaries and financial situations, I would have no problem spending more money on him if there was something he would want. I’ve wanted to get him a really nice watch, but he’s annoying and is perfectly happy with the $50 watch I bought him a few years ago lol.
Although, I do agree with PPs that it’s a point of pride for him to spend xyz on me. Also…to the PP who said that she’ll worry about it when the guy can get pregnant and give birth: +100! haha
ETA: this is assuming the item is something he’d wear every day for the rest of his life. Like a ring of his own or a watch. It really isn’t the same to just drop $$$ on any old item.
Post # 30
I don’t really think what you said is fair to generalize.
My SO is 8 years older than I am and in a completely different financial situation. I told him to set the price point. I told him I was fine with a smaller diamond but he kept pushing for a bigger one. I do agree with others that it is probably a pride thing. If he can afford a $10k ring and wants to spend that much, then that’s his choice. He knows I don’t have any money to spend on him, but if I had some, I would be willing to spend as much as I could, because I like giving gifts. When we get married our finances will be combined and I’m sure there are a lot of things we will both buy that the other will never use.
Post # 31
@Aquaria: I think people forget that diamonds are investments. They do not depreciate in value, they typically appreciate with inflation.
That being said, I don’t feel bad sporting a $10000+ ring. I did not enjoy buying my Fiance a $550 camera for xmas either…lol.