(Closed) How much would you be willing to spend on a single item for your boyfriend?

posted 7 years ago in The Lounge
Post # 32
Member
854 posts
Busy bee

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@Aquaria:  my DH and I had combined finances from about four months of dating on. We were together for five years before getting married. It’s not terribly common but happens 

Post # 33
Member
854 posts
Busy bee

I don’t mind spending any amount on my DH. If I have the money and I think he’d like it then I get it. We don’t keep track of who bought who the best gifts. He got me a gorgeous necklace this Christmas and he got an amazing watch.

Post # 34
Member
12244 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

@Aquaria:  Huh. Well, I’m a 1 ct, 2 months salary, 10k ring Bee, and I NEVER thought about it like that!

I did once pay for the renovations on a house for an ex, and then we broke up. That was a horrible 5K mistake (but we’re all young and impossibly stupid once, right?)

But if DH was ever like “You should buy me a small car and never use it.” I’d be like “Yeah, blow me.”

Maybe I would feel different if I made what DH makes (which is 4 times the most I have ever made ever), but I don’t think so. I know he planned on spending 5k on a ring, so spending 10K was not totally insane for him or anything, but…

Yeah, the more I think about it, the more insane it is!

Post # 35
Member
2513 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I would spend what we could afford. Our finances are combined. If they weren’t, I would spend what I could afford. I enjoy buying things for him when I am able (which isn’t often). As long as no one is going into debt and savings aren’t being depleted, it’s all good.

I think some of the posts OP refers to are women who are not expecting a 10k ring but have discussed engagement and are shocked to find out that their SO has spent $1,000 on a TV or this or that, but he hasn’t bothered to put any money aside for a ring months or a year or so after telling them he was working on purchasing a ring. They post because they are questioning whether their SO really intends to propose. We see a few of those threads on here all the time, and I always assume they are stalling.

Post # 36
Member
1310 posts
Bumble bee

I think this issue is more complex than just a matter of spending money, because a lot of things come into play, such as symbolism (not just love but a man’s ability to provide and to earn money), tradition, pride…and, as a PP mentioned, I’ll be having his babies, which I think is the biggest gift I can give anyone, so I think it’s a fair exchange.  I understand that having children is a win-win situation, but I’d be happy to adopt and not have any biological children, but SO (and many men) want biological children only.  I’m happy with that decision but it will certainly be a huge physical toll on me. 

But ultimately, I think that in a relationship, things can’t always be weighed on a scale.  It doesn’t work that way with someone you love.  Same goes for family members and best friends.

We will probably going with moissanite, although I’d love to own a diamond.  The kind of ring I’d be happy with would cost $5-6K.  I’d have no problem spending that amount on my SO even though I make half what he does (because it would be within my ability), be it on a wedding watch or on a vacation as a present.  So it’s a two-way street.

Post # 37
Member
1882 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

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@Aquaria:  I’m engaged now, but when we first started going out, the gifts were small, around $100 – cologne/perfume, a new coffeemaker, a cashmere sweater. Once we’d been officially dating over a year and had fallen in love, we spent about 1K on each other for birthdays. This generally included dinner at a nice restaurant with cocktails and wine, and a nice gift such as a new Italian leather work briefcase (for him) or pink sapphire earrings in a diamond halo (for me).

I am big on things being equal and felt that it was super unfair he spent 10K+ on my ring and got nothing in return. So he is getting an nice engagement watch once he finishes researching which one he wants. 🙂

 

 

Post # 38
Member
9806 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

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@Washingtonian:  Sorry, but diamonds are not investments.  At least not any of the ones that most people are wearing as engagements rings.  Try selling your ring for more than you paid for it, it’s not going to happen for most people.  There are some that can be investment-grade pieces, but let’s be honest, the overwhelming majority of people buying a diamond are not buying those.

That being said, I don’t care if someone wants to spend $20k+ on a diamond if that’s important to them.  But I don’t think looking at it as an investment is appropriate for most people.

Post # 39
Member
2831 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

You are right; which is why we both purchased my ring and didn’t break the bank while doing so.

Post # 40
Member
9081 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

I’m willing to spend as much as I physically have to give. I’ll never have 10,000 to spend on one item, but I am generous when it comes to my husband. If I have 200 dollars, I’ll look to buy him something cool for that much, or a bunch of little things.

Post # 41
Hostess
3571 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

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@Aquaria:  Dh and I had fully combined finances while we were living together. 

In terms of monetary value on something only he can use, I would say it would really depend on the item. I think it’s hard to draw parallels with engagement/wedding rings because wedding rings are an item that a woman is expected to “use” (wear) every single day for the rest of her life. I honestly can’t think of an item for a man that he would use every day forever. Maybe an expensive watch? But would he really wear that EVERY day for forever? 

That said, I have a very inexpensive wedding ring (I had no engagement ring so my solitaire is my wedding ring). I believe my ring was just under $900 and I feel I got really lucky. It was basically my favorite ring I saw out of looking at tons and tons online AND we could afford it. I think that’s a good deal for something I’m going to wear forever. 

For DH? I’d spend about the same if I thought it was something that would hold tremendous value for him and that he would consistently use it. If he was going to use it forever, I’d probably be willing to spend more. It would entirely depend on what we can afford, whether the item advances us toward shared goals or detracts from them, etc. 

 

Post # 42
Member
1477 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

I guess we were weird. We were together for several years before getting engaged and we decided to get married very quickly, so we combined money, bought a ring we agreed on, and called it a day. He was not obligated to buy me a ring. 

 

In terms of gifts, he bought me a ridiculously priced ring this christmas with money that was specifically his (a work bonus) and I once bought him the best specs iPad there is (with my bonus). We weren’t even close dollar wise, but our gratitude and appreciation were equal. 

 

Oddly enough, the best and most treasured gifts we have ever given each other were under $100. 

Post # 43
Member
6014 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

DH used my grandmother’s diamond and only paid for the setting and the band.  I’m thrifty and liked that my grandpa had bought it.  However if he was going to spend 10k on a ring for me, who the heck am I to tell him no?  He dropped 30k on a car makes him convulse when I joke around about driving it.  I think I’ve driven it 3 times.  I’d have had that 10k ring for ALOT longer then he’s going to have that car.  I don’t begrudge the girls that got those big rings, I’m sure at the end of your life … meh it all works out. 

Post # 44
Member
2869 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@Aquaria:  Yes those posts (he shouldn’t be buying stuff for himself, etc) absolutely rub me the wrong way. I don’t really know how much my husband spent on my engagement ring but I am going to guess over $2000 and less than $4000. I would probably spend up to a thousand but he doesn’t wear jewelry anyway, I’ve already gotten him a watch which he wears) and I would have no idea what to spend the 1000 on. It is easier to find a few smaller gifts.  

Post # 45
Member
7199 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2015

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@Polygon:  +1 My ring is mine but its definitely a point of pride for him so it makes sense that it cost more than a typical gift. 

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@Aquaria:  If I lived in a world where it was expected that a woman bought a man a car before they got married I would save for whatever car he wanted and sacrifice my own wants until then. That said, I think my Fiance spent too much on my ring and it was well below $2k. I’m currently unemployed but once I have a decent job again I would totally buy Fiance a $2k gift if it was something he really wanted. 

 

Post # 46
Member
2871 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

If it’s meant to be a mangagement present, something that will last our lifetimes that we can hand down to our children, I’d be happy to spend what we’re comfortable with. 

 

The last present I got for Fiance was an unlocked Nexus 5, which is the priciest item I’ve ever bought for anyone. 

 

That said, I also donate 10% of my gross income to charity, so *shrug* as long as it works for us. 

 

 

 

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