- This Time Round
- 7 years ago
- Wedding: December 2012
Your key word is “sacrifice”. That is so true. It’s actually what this topic boils down to. Going either way, is monetary “sacrifice” symbolic of love for one’s partner? Does it mean he loves you less if he doesn’t think a pricey ring is representative of his commitment to you? Some guys just don’t see it that way, and it certainly isn’t a status symbol for everyone. I don’t know any guy who would give half a flying fig what his friend proposed to his lady with or how much it cost lol.
Gifts to me don’t have to be large in value… in fact some of the best gifts I’ve received in my life have been inexpensive or FREE
And I certainly don’t begrudge money that I choose to spend on others… including Mr TTR
BUT money isn’t everything… as I said in my first reply… we just don’t feel an inate need to spend it to make each other happy.
Which makes this relationship soooo different from my first marriage… Mr TTR & I are quite content to just have each other in our lives “experiencing things” (even if it is just a walk, bike ride etc) that we don’t feel we have to fill any sort of space up with “purchased things” as a show of love & adoration to one another.
That is the day-to-day us.
But when it came to our Engagement, I am quite old-fashioned, I do believe that there has to be that element of “sacrifice” because getting Married IS A BIG DEAL…
Some people make that “sacrifice” monetarily… some thru giving a family heirloom to their intended (the “sacrifice” here is you are giving away a part of your heritage, not really sure if you’d ever get it back if things went off the rails… just like until recently… a man gave a woman an ERing, and it was legally hers to keep)
This is all very symbolic…
Men & Women are very much independent creatures… BUT Marriage is a HUGE Commitment, something that altho most women grow up wanting / wishing for… men are more likely to “grow into” as they age & mature (and find the right woman)
Women tend to need the “commitment” from a Man in some ways far more than a man needs one from a woman
And part of this is in our hard-wiring… a woman wants someone she can trust to be around when she is raising babies that the two of them brought into the world
So in many ways an ERing is an early sign that the man takes his responsibilities / commitment seriously
Sure it could be an inexpensive ring or no ring… but if you read the Waiting Boards here on WBee… most women are pretty old-fashioned in this regard and do feel that there must be “something” beyond just the Proposal itself. A sign of commitment if you will. Something to show the world that the two of them are linked in a significant way in life (no doubt WHY ERings for men have taken off in popularity in recent years… and WBands for men are now very much the norm in NA)
As for your statement that men don’t compare ERings…
Sorry, I don’t agree at all.
Men are highly competitive (especially so the younger the man). They may not compare ERings outside of their social circle, but they certainly do amongst their peers… much in the same way women do…
Thing is tho, they do so often without vocalizing it. They just give each other’s Fiancée’s Ering the eye… so you’d rarely hear a man admit that, or talk about it openly… but ya they notice for sure.