(Closed) How much would you be willing to spend on a single item for your boyfriend?

posted 7 years ago in The Lounge
Post # 92
Member
9950 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

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@Aquaria  you said:

Your key word is “sacrifice”. That is so true. It’s actually what this topic boils down to. Going either way, is monetary “sacrifice” symbolic of love for one’s partner? Does it mean he loves you less if he doesn’t think a pricey ring is representative of his commitment to you? Some guys just don’t see it that way, and it certainly isn’t a status symbol for everyone. I don’t know any guy who would give half a flying fig what his friend proposed to his lady with or how much it cost lol. 

Gifts to me don’t have to be large in value… in fact some of the best gifts I’ve received in my life have been inexpensive or FREE

And I certainly don’t begrudge money that I choose to spend on others… including Mr TTR

BUT money isn’t everything… as I said in my first reply… we just don’t feel an inate need to spend it to make each other happy.

Which makes this relationship soooo different from my first marriage… Mr TTR & I are quite content to just have each other in our lives “experiencing things” (even if it is just a walk, bike ride etc) that we don’t feel we have to fill any sort of space up with “purchased things” as a show of love & adoration to one another.

That is the day-to-day us.

But when it came to our Engagement, I am quite old-fashioned, I do believe that there has to be that element of “sacrifice” because getting Married IS A BIG DEAL…

Some people make that “sacrifice” monetarily… some thru giving a family heirloom to their intended (the “sacrifice” here is you are giving away a part of your heritage, not really sure if you’d ever get it back if things went off the rails… just like until recently… a man gave a woman an ERing, and it was legally hers to keep)

This is all very symbolic…

Men & Women are very much independent creatures… BUT Marriage is a HUGE Commitment, something that altho most women grow up wanting / wishing for… men are more likely to “grow into” as they age & mature (and find the right woman)

Women tend to need the “commitment” from a Man in some ways far more than a man needs one from a woman

And part of this is in our hard-wiring… a woman wants someone she can trust to be around when she is raising babies that the two of them brought into the world

So in many ways an ERing is an early sign that the man takes his responsibilities / commitment seriously

Sure it could be an inexpensive ring or no ring… but if you read the Waiting Boards here on WBee… most women are pretty old-fashioned in this regard and do feel that there must be “something” beyond just the Proposal itself.  A sign of commitment if you will.  Something to show the world that the two of them are linked in a significant way in life (no doubt WHY ERings for men have taken off in popularity in recent years… and WBands for men are now very much the norm in NA)

As for your statement that men don’t compare ERings…

Sorry, I don’t agree at all.

Men are highly competitive (especially so the younger the man).  They may not compare ERings outside of their social circle, but they certainly do amongst their peers… much in the same way women do…

Thing is tho, they do so often without vocalizing it.  They just give each other’s Fiancée’s Ering the eye… so you’d rarely hear a man admit that, or talk about it openly… but ya they notice for sure.


Post # 93
Member
9950 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

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@weddingmaven  100% agree… same as OUR WBands

They may have come as a “Gift” but they are symbolic of both of us and our Commitment to one another.

I never look down at my Ring Finger… and just think of myself… I always think of the two of us and when each was given to me.

 

Post # 94
Member
1120 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

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@sillysillybee  I would spend any amount that I could afford on my Fiance. He would do the same for me.


Ditto that.

Post # 95
Member
445 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

I think th emost I have spent on him was a few hundred (£) and the same from him on me.

I would hate him to spend thousands on something just for me – it is my money as well, for a start but i would rather the money be spent on other things. 

(my ering is a famiy ring so no cost but had he bought one, he wouldnt have spent ‘silly’ money on something) our 2 wedding bands are expensive but they are for both of us. 

ALso we are lucky to be in the postition of not  having to think about cost which we find makes us less likely to spend a lot on ourselves individually.

Post # 96
Member
52 posts
Worker bee

I gave my boyfriend $1500 towards a car purchase last year. It was kind of assumed that that was his ‘engagement ring’ 😉 although I do use his car occasionally, and he’s amazing for being my personal chauffeur, so it is something we both use.

 

Although, he doesn’t know it, but I plan on buying tickets for both of us to travel to Ireland for his birthday. Which is about $1200 for the two tickets? 

Post # 97
Member
3968 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

@Aquaria  I find this question really interesting, because if my SO spent $10,000 on a ring, I would literally fold into myself and be way too uncomfortable with it. We agreed no more than $2000 and even then, I fought tooth and nail to input some money because it just seems TOO MUCH to me.

I’ve bought my SO a $300 headset for his Xbox as a surprise last year for no other reason than I wanted to give it to him. I plan on buying him an Xbox One for his birthday in April, so I guess upwards of $500? If he really wanted something, I would bend over backwards to make sure he could get it. It wouldn’t be right away, but I’d eventually get it to him. He would do the same. He has sacrificed for the past three months to make the payments of my ring, but I have picked up the slack in other places. 

I also think it kind of depends. Some can spend $500 without batting an eye, but for me, I’ve already started putting money aside because otherwise I couldn’t afford it. My best friend just threw down $1000 for a suped up laptop/tablet thingie for her Fiance, but again, did so without batting an eye. They can afford it. I can’t. 

Post # 98
Member
1798 posts
Buzzing bee

I certainly don’t think that my SO needs to spend three months salary on my e-ring, and I’d actually be pretty upset if he did considering that we don’t have a ton of money right now to be spending on jewelry. He already has my e-ring, and I believe it cost around $1,000, and it is absolutely perfect for me. We have been together for over five years now, and in the past I have spent about $500 on him for a single gift. I would definitely spend more if I had the money, but at that time (I was like 18 when I bought that gift) that was a fortune to me. 

Post # 99
Member
351 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

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@This Time Round  I hate to pick on you because I agree with much that you said (my DH and I also value experiences much more than “things” as well…in fact my DH generally says not to buy him anything that “casts a shadow”); however, I must disagree with your generalization that men like to buy their spouses fancy e-rings to show off their worth as men.  Thankfully, my DH isn’t like that at all.  He has an ego like we all do but his self-worth is not dependent upon how much he can spend on an item of jewelry.  That’s a contest that only Warren Buffett can win.  I have a beautiful e-ring but it was only a fraction of what we could have spent on a ring, and my DH didn’t even pay for it.. I did (why not…our money after we married is our money, not his and mine.)

As for OP’s question, I appreciate the OP pointing out this contradiction.  I feel that too many women out there are willing to complain about women not being treated equally but are willing to sit back and enjoy those differences when they benefit them.  Neither me nor my DH would buy a $10,000 gift for each other but I wouldn’t hesitate to spend a lot on a trip for us both.

 

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