(Closed) How much would you give in this situation?

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
6349 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2014

It would depend how close I was to the person, but likely around £100 ($150) between us if we weren’t close to them/REALLY couldn’t afford any more, or £200 ($300) between us if we were very close to them.

I probably wouldn’t factor in the cost of staying there/buying food etc, and I would just treat it as a mini-break, unless I really couldn’t scrape together the extra.

Post # 4
Member
3968 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@musician32992:  Honestly I think it depends on the area you’re in. My mother gives $100, or $150 if it’s someone we are super close to. Obviously they are in a better position. Lately (me- part-time employed, he, grad student with a boatload of student loan payments) have been doing about $50 together because it’s all we can do. I honestly think the gesture is what matters, and with the cost of attending, showers, bachelorettes in some cases, you do what you can, and if anyone is offended by your gift, the poor taste is on them. Just my opinion. 

Post # 7
Member
9142 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

@musician32992:  $40-50 each is fine. But if you’re not close and it’s so expensive to go then why not send your regrets? 

Post # 8
Member
3968 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@musician32992:  Honestly, give what you can. If you have to scrape, don’t do it. You’re not super close to them, you weren’t even planning on being invited (meaning you’re 1) not close and 2) weren’t able to plan financially for this). Whatever you have put together for them will be lovely. I personally don’t feel the amount is what is important, and if they’re nice people, they won’t do anything less than thank you profusely for it.

Post # 9
Member
5191 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2013

@musician32992:  that’s an undertaking for someone in your financial situation. Are they registered? I would just give a gift from the registry and a nice card. They should appreciate the effort you’re putting into attending their wedding. 

Post # 10
Member
144 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Well I am sure everyone is going to think I am crazy… As they did over my opinions on bridesmaid gifts… But coming from a girl in suburban Ohio… When my FI’s brother got married we got them an actual gift rather than money… We went in with my FI’s sister and got them a really nice picnic basket with plates, utensils, a spot for wine, a cheese cutting board and knife, etc. They had to spend the first 6 months living in hotels due to the groom’s job, so we thought it would be a nice way to keep/carry some food (they moved every 3-5 days). I put $30 towards it, my Fiance put $30 towards it, and his sister put $30 towards it.

 

 

 

For my cousin’s wedding this summer my Fiance and I are probably spending around $30-50 on a gift/giving them money.

 

Post # 11
Member
722 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@musician32992:  I think $50 is fine, especially because of your situation! They should understand, regardless, and just be happier you guys are there to celebrate with them!

Post # 12
Member
1994 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

Well if its someone I’m close to they would get about $150.00. SO and I aren’t financially strapped, but we are in the early stages of our careers, and that would probably be all that we could comfortably be able to afford. If its someone I’m not that close to, then they’d probably get a set of mixing bowls, or whatever I can find on their registry thats $50.00 or less.

ETA: In your situation I would just get them something from the registry.  

Post # 13
Member
1649 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2000

Depends on how close you are, I’d give $150-200 if I had to travel. 

I recently declined a cousin’s out of state wedding and just sent them $100 with a nice card.  Still cheaper than having to spend money on airfare and hotel, but still a gift.  A win, win for me!

Post # 14
Member
171 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

I’m still in school and my SO is making minimum wage at best, so in that situation we would probably just ask our parents to put our names on whatever they sent, especially if we were shelling out all that cash to actually go.

 

If we were close to them I would still probably only spend $50 total between both of us.

 

I agree w/ PPs, though…if it’s too much of a hardship and you can either spend on the room or spend on a gift, why not send regrets and a nice gift?

 

Post # 15
Member
3968 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

While I realize not bringing/sending a gift is an etiquette no-no, as a bride, I’d rather a good friend spend $300 on coming to my wedding taking the time off, making that effort to be there, and send me a $20 item on my registry versus getting a $200 gift and them declining because they are feeling pressured to give a larger gift rather than attending and giving a “smaller than average” gift. 

Post # 16
Member
3686 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I’d give the same amount that I would give if the wedding reception was next door to my house. Is there any way you could go just for the main ceremony/reception? It seems unnecessary to have a whole weekend if the two of you can’t afford it.

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