Post # 1
I asked my SIL to be a bridesmaid last year & she happily accepted. Later she got pregnant & is due about 3 weeks before my wedding.
How much would you hate being a bridesmaid that quickly after having a baby?
I know my concerns would be:
Having a newborn around that many people
Having to wear a bridesmaid dress & taking photos
Wearing a strapless dress with huge milk boobs
Being away from baby during photos, ceremony, etc
My SIL is very quiet and doesn’t really voice her opinions. Should I talk to her about how to make the day easier for her and baby?
Post # 2
cls9q: I declined to be a BM soon after one of my babies was born, but that was mostly because I was very self conscious about my post baby figure. The big issue in your case is it’s only 3 weeks PP. I couldn’t do that, just for the issue of all the energy needed, but it’s up to her. But if she’s in the wedding, it should be possible to time feeds so that her DH can look after baby during the ceremony, and it should also be possible to co-ordinate photos around feeding.
But talk to her – I assume this is your brother’s wife so perhaps talk to him first. But one way or another, you definitely should have a talk to her; and hopefully you can accomodate her.
Post # 3
“strapless dress with huge milk boobs”, omg. Best mental image ever.
Post # 4
cls9q: I went to a wedding almost now 5 months ago, but the MOH had recently given birth and one of the BMs was 39 weeks pregnant. The baby was the same age as what your SIL’s baby would be. And the MOH had no problem, she brought the baby in the stroller (it was a really nice one with a bassinet) and had already pumped some milk out, and she may have nursed as well (not too sure, she was drinking alcohol, so she may have just pumped and dumped). And she had a blast. I think they stayed there for two-three hours at the wedding and the baby just slept most of the time. They kept him out of the area with the music (open reception area), but he seemed fine. At three weeks, they’re really just sleeping and waking up to eat and pee. unles she has expressed concerns, I think she’ll be fine. But it doesn’t hurt to ask her what you could to help.
Post # 5
Yes that would be nice of you to talk to her if you are worried she won’t talk to you about it!! Maybe you could alter her dress slightly to have straps if you think she will need them. You will also have be happy about allowing someone to care for her baby close by to her during the wedding. Make sure you don’t get annoyed at her if she has to breast feed the baby at random times during the day 🙂
Post # 6
I would ask her if it is going to be too much for her. She will be exhausted from caring for the infant. If she wants to do it, ask if there is anything you can do to make it easier.
Post # 7
She might not even want to or be able to stand up in a wedding 3 weeks PP. I’d definitely ask her how she’s feeling about it.
Post # 8
cls9q: I’d ask her about it and be prepared if plans might change. She might be up for it now but if she has a difficult pregnancy/birth she may not be able to do the things she plans to.
Post # 9
I was in the same situation. I was going to be a BM in a wedding 3 weeks after my due date. I ended up giving birth 2 weeks late and was not able to be at the wedding at all, much less a BM. The problem with a wedding after her due date is that you don’t know when she’ll give birth — if she’s 5 weeks postpartum, it’s no prob; if she’s 1 week postpartum, it might be harder.
I know that for me, I was breastfeeding nonstop in those very early days. I didn’t even put on a shirt. It would have been very hard to be in a wedding. I’d talk to her.
Post # 10
cls9q: If she delivers a couple of weeks late, and/or has a C/section, I don’t think her standing up for you would be feasible.
Post # 11
I was a BM 5 weeks after my due date. I was induced at 41 w so I had a 1 month old baby as a BM.
OK, it wasn’t really the most fun I’ve had at a wedding because I had to focus on my baby so much. So I didn’t really get to dance much at all. But it would have been the same if I’d just been a guest.
If she gives birth 1-2 weeks late that will be very tricky. I went out to eat for her bachelorette when baby was 2 weeks old and I didn’t want to be gone longer than 2 hours max. I’m not sure I could do it with a 1 week old! Of course, you never know and she could give birth 2 weeks early and have a 5 week old. 5 weeks is very different from 1 week! No way to know.
Basically my husband and baby came with me to our hair appointment and stayed with the guys while we were getting ready. He would bring her to me when she needed to eat and I’d feed her. I did pump a few bottles earlier that week so she had 2 bottles (one during pictures and one during the start of the reception). I pumped once during the break between ceremony and reception because she wasn’t hungry. I fed her a couple of times later during the reception as well, I didn’t really drink. My parents were also invited so they and my husband held the baby the whole time during the beginning of the reception (intros, dinner, toasts, etc). After all that stuff I spent most of my time around them. They kept her away from the loud music, she slept a lot of the time. A baby that young will sleep most of the time. We left about 10 I think.
I didn’t mind having her around people, but I just let people hold her that I have known a long time.
I would probably be most concerned with feeding the baby. I didn’t even try to pump until my baby was 3-4 weeks old. But I probably would have been fine doing it earlier. She probably can’t be gone from the baby for more than 2 hrs so you probably want to break up your pictures or get her done first so she can go back to the baby.
My dress fit (we bought it in a bigger size) but it wasn’t a very flattering shape- I hope you have a good dress picked out! A nice flowy high-waisted dress would be good.
Post # 12
cls9q: I would absolutely talk to her about it – let her know that you still want her as a BM but totally understand if something happens (she has the baby two weeks late + a c-section and can’t attend). Let her know you are totally flexible and want to do whatever is easiest for her.
Like others have said, she could have the baby early, or two weeks late and not be able to attend.
Post # 13
Thanks for all the advice bees!
I definitely plan on talking to her, but at the same time I wish she would have brought it up instead of me having to. I guess we both have a lot on our minds though:)
Post # 14
cls9q: I was at a wedding where one of the bridesmaid was a relatively new mom. During the ceremony another baby started crying and her milk let down and started leaking through her dress. It wasn’t even her baby! She was super embarrassed and everyone noticed because she kind of gasped and tried to hide her chest with her bouquet. I felt terrible for her!
Post # 15
I had a bridesmaid with a 4 week old and another with a 8 week old. They were fine!
The babies slept through most of the wedding/reception. They breastfed while getting ready and had a place they could go breastfeed during the reception. They made sure to breastfeed right before we left for pictures and ceremony and the babies stayed with their dads dring that time. I let them pick their dress, so they picked something that was forgiving in the boobs and stomach areas. I also invited both of the bridesmaid’s parents, so they helped with the babies and I think both couples sent the baby back to the hotel with grandparents for the end of the reception, so they could party a bit without the baby. Overall, it wasn’t a big deal or problem for anybody.