Post # 1
I’ve been a lurker on this board for awhile, but then I had a nagging question in the back of my head and I thought it would be great to get some insight on it.
I’ve been with my SO for about a year now, he’s 32, I’m 27. Our relationship is fantastic, but because of certain restrictions coming from my religion/career, I’m a little antsy to get engaged in the next 6-9 months even though I know it will still be a reasonably new relationship. I am 100% certain that this is a lasting and wonderful relationship though, so I don’t see the point in waiting just to wait, especially since living together is not an option until after we’re married.
About a month ago I sent him a letter explaining how I felt about all this in a way that I just couldn’t speak and he responded better than I expected. He said he absolutely does want to marry me eventually and he didn’t say anything about my 6-9 month thing, but he didn’t say that wouldn’t work either.
Since then he will bring up marriage/wedding topics more frequently and while like many women I’ve fantasized and looked online quite a bit, imagining what my wedding might be like and I’m not sure how much of that I should share. I don’t think I’d bring it up, but if he does, how much info is ok without getting in scary range?
Post # 3
@sweet5k: It sounds (to me) that if he brings stuff up on his own (like, comments related to your future wedding and engagement) it’d be pretty safe to mention things occaisionally, you know, if there’s a wedding on a TV show, or something. It doesn’t sound like he’d be too freaked out by what you described!
Post # 4
@sweet5k: There’s no point skating around the topic. Just tell it to him straight. If he loves you he’ll understand and you can feel free to tell him how you feel. He can then respond and you can both come to an agreement, be it a timeline, whatever so that you no longer have these questions and uncertainty. He said he definitely wants to marry you one day, so talking about it shouldn’t be off limits.
Post # 5
- Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast
I think it’s often helpful to start with imagining your future together and discussing that. Talk about values, priorities, life goals, timelines, where/how you see your SO fitting into your plan, ask him questions to find out what he wants, when he wants it, and how you can be his teamate in achieveing his goals. When you start having these sorts of discussions, things come up organically and you both learn ever more about one another. Good luck!
Post # 6
You can’t say the wrong thing to the right guy. I asked my H to come to Thanksgiving at my mom’s house (4 hours away in another state) the first night we met. Like a crazy person. He said yes. We were married 11 months after that August night.
Post # 7
@oneofthesethings: This totally… Even a year and some months later, I might say something once in a while, feel silly about it, and when I say so to SO he looks at me and says “what? don’t feel silly, you’re fine…”
If marriage is on your mind then by all means, bring it up – subtly, and not all the time, of course, but definitely put it out there. 🙂