(Closed) How my perfect wedding ended in tears and it still hurts more than a year after.

posted 4 years ago in Emotional
Post # 46
126 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 2019 - City, State

This is the first time I’ve heard of the “tradition” of a formal speech the groom gives about his bride’s physical beauty. I have literally never seen this happen at any wedding I’ve attended. My brother-in-law gave my sister a great “agog” look, and that’s the closest I’ve seen. I doubt your husband knew of any such thing either. I really don’t think it’s a thing. Sorry.

Post # 47
1587 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

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MrsHarryDresden: Ha ha! Fiance and I are also eloping and I completely anticipate needing a “tell me I’m pretty!” moment with him. I’ll wear sexy lingerie or get my hair done and Fiance will be like “yeah, it looks good” yet when I’m lumping around on the couch with tracky dacks on he’ll go “you are the most beautiful girl in the world”. Men are weird.

Post # 48
1799 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

I can see your upset but for your sanity let is go.  Do you want to know what happened at my wedding? My groom didnt even speak publicly at all and my night finished by trying to save my Maid/Matron of Honor from a domestic violence incident with her husband where she was repeatedly punched, in front of ALL of my 110 guests.  Put this into perspective.

Post # 49
3307 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I’m sorry that your own insecuritiy regarding your looks has led you to this point. If being called beautiful on your wedding day in front of your immediate family, (who know very well what you look like) was so important you should have clued him in ahead of time. Instead, you blew up your wedding night and given enough time, perhaps your marriage as well – over a compliment that wasn’t as effusive as you would like. Choose to let this wholly unimportant thing in the scheme of life GO.

ETA My husband didn’t even make a speech at our wedding. But I didn’t spent years dreaming about my wedding day. Thank God. 

  • This reply was modified 4 years ago by Profile Photo doberman.
Post # 50
1386 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I’m thinking back to my wedding and I’m not sure Darling Husband complimented me on my appearance. I knew I looked good, but there were sooooooo many things going on. We also went right to sleep after the wedding – we were exhausted! 

Post # 51
47291 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Self esteem comes from within. It is not dependent on someone saying how beautiful you look. A suggested resction to being told you look nice? “Thank you honey. You look great too.”

Post # 52
244 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

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MrsHarryDresden:  I love this! I love how you just ask for what you want! I try to do this too, but maybe not as gracefully as you 🙂 also your story about how he holds you when you go to sleep but lets you wiggle away when you actually want to sleep is adorable and relatable!

Post # 53
5020 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2017

So I stopped reading after this:

“My favorite part at weddings have always been when the groom publically tells everyone how gorgeous his bride looks on the day.”

Since when is this a thing?  I’ve never heard of the groom publically giving a speech about his brides appearance.  This seems really odd to me.  I’m sorry your groom didn’t choose more flattering words but yes, I think this is silly and shouldn’t be taken this to heart.

Post # 54
2763 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

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misskate18:  oh so your Fiance and my Darling Husband are members of the same club. “But I tell you you ARE beautiful, not that you LOOK beautiful just on certain occasions!” Um, ok yes, you’re totally right and this is just MY insecurity but it would be nice to hear that when I actually make an effort! “Ummmm, ok, I can do that.” And bless his heart, he does try. Congratulations btw! May you have a magical day!

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amygdala:  Ha! It wasn’t graceful at the time, or at least I didn’t feel graceful at all. Aaaaand I’m guessing you like to snuggle at first and then wiggle away too? 😉

Post # 55
1150 posts
Bumble bee

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I’ve never heard of this tradition before either.  

Post # 56
8940 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

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passthepeas:  Maybe the OP is from a different country where speeches are a bigger deal or something? Because she also says this: “I had told him all along that I would do the main speech” which confused me, since no wedding I’ve ever been to has had a “main speech.” I’ve seen toasts at the reception, made by the hosts and some VIPs. And at SOME weddings, the bride and/or groom says a quick “thank you” to the hosts and guests. But a “main speech”, and then a special Groom’s Compliments speech… never seen either of those. And they would seem especially unexpected at an elopement. So I’m guessing there’s some other culture involved maybe. Not sure though.

Post # 57
4243 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

Uhhh, wow.  Just wow.  I AM sorry you were so upset by this but at the same time it was a year and a half ago!  I am one who also holds grudges sometimes which is most definitely not my best quality but I still do not understand this.

I will say this: my husband is one of the most kind and caring men I have ever met, but he is also dumb as a doornail sometimes and is definitely not subtle, especially when it comes to stuff like you are describing.  He is not eloquent with his words (I ended up giving most of the thank you speech at our wedding) and is very blunt.  I know he is similar to like 95% of the men out there.  To be honest men often don’t know how much work goes into beauty.  Men just know you look pretty.  My husband says all the time that women pretty themselves up to compete with each other and to impress each other and I’m starting to see his point.  Guys really don’t notice those details.  You say you had skin treatments and the whole nine yards, but I’m sure to your husband you would be beautiful no matter what you looked like.  My husband wouldn’t be able to tell the difference if I did my own hair and makeup or if a professional did (and there’s a pretty big difference).  He just knows when I look nice, and he will say so…something very simple like “you look great”.

So to conclude…let this go for your own good.

Post # 58
382 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

I’m sorry that you can’t seem to let go of this but honestly, I’m more sorry for your husband. Put yourself in his shoes and imagine having your wife crying on your wedding day, inconsolable because you chose the wrong word (in her opinion) to describe her appearance. Imagine having to live with that guilt that you spoiled her day for this long after your wedding simply by not selecting the right adjective infront of less than a handful of people. I actually congratulate him for not telling you to get over it in all this time.

There is no tradition that the groom gushes about his wife’s beauty. Sure some people do it but I have never been to a wedding where this has been a big part of the speech. I’m sorry that your husband didn’t satisfy your expectations but expecting someone to say the specific words you want is probably never going to be successful unless you force them to say them in which case it probably wouldn’t be heartfelt.

Unless there are other things going on behind the scenes of this story that made this the cherry on the cake, you really need to take the steps to let this go. You’ve already wasted so much time being upset over this, is it really worth wasting any more?

Post # 59
2251 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

Omg, I understand that weddings are special and important to brides,  but if you are going to continue to dwell on one word your Darling Husband said then you got some big problems. You gotta move on asap!  There is so much more to life than one wedding day! Please find happiness somewhere and get this misery out of your head! 

Post # 60
880 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2006

You need to see a therapist because hanging on to such a small disappintment shows that you have deeper issues. You are reacting very dramatically to your husband not gushing over your beauty on your wedding day.  

I commend your husband for being so patient with you. Many men would not take your pain seriously. Quite frankly, when I saw your thread title I thought that you were left at the altar or something more serious. 

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