(Closed) How NOT to Host a Dinner Party (horror story)

posted 4 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 166
5916 posts
Bee Keeper

Overjoyed:  Thanks for the update OP, I’ve really enjoyed this thread. I’m glad your friend realized (even belatedly) your discomfort & helped get you out of there. lol yeah, my Fiance would probably mention that a week later too

As for cooking in someone else’s home at an event- I’ve only ever done that with my Fiance (before living together) & my own sister IF I’ve been assisting them in hosting and IF I got there hours before the event or even the night before. But not to show up AT the event and proceed to take over the kitchen! Besides delaying things- the guest is making the presumption that you will have space to allow her to prepare/bake etc. What if the oven was being used to capacity already with 2 other dishes awaiting their turn? What if half a dozen guests took this approach & there wasn’t enough counter space to go around? If I bring a dish, I make it at home & at most it may need warming up or a small last minute detail added.

I love cooking and I really don’t think this is common at all. I guess it could be cultural???- but our families and closest friends comprise Irish, Italian, Jamaican, Scottish, German, East Indian, British, Chinese, Japanese, Iranian, Polish, Cuban & French & I’ve never been to an event where people served only the men drinks or left guests without offers of food for several hours or brought bags of groceries at the TIME of the event- or even later!- and took over your kitchen/ held up your dinner party.

Is it possible (as you’ve heard ex-pat circles can be cliquey & inhospitable) that they see you as ‘too Americanized’, because you say you’ve lived in America before as well, and so they seek to take you down a notch since you’re (in their eyes) ‘Westernized’ and think you’re better than they are?  I definitely don’t see you as thinking you’re better than them, in fact they seem the ones with the ethnocentric bias (which would explain the ‘poem’ on the door in English that appeared to single you out), but could it be they have a chip on their shoulders and view you as a snobbish American as opposed to a ‘true’ ex-pat?

Post # 168
8320 posts
Bumble Beekeeper


Good God , I hope your dad is wrong , that would be so awful . I want to invite you to dinner and have  you sit on the couch with wine  and do fuck all until I (quickly) serve up  my best dishes.

Mind you , your husband will have to be plied with beer and bored with motorbike chat and viewing,   that being my  my h’s  idea of  being a host.  

Post # 169
5916 posts
Bee Keeper

Overjoyed:  I hope there’s no racial component there, that would be beyond horrid of them. I’m hoping that if the hosts were racist your friend would know this and not subject you to their bigoted behaviour- or be friends with a racist. But hard to say for sure, ditto my theory about them having an ‘us’ vs ‘them’ menatlity and viewing you as Americanized. 

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