(Closed) How not to offend my guests when I ask them not to bring their babies.

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll:

    Stop being a baby yourself and invite all the babies/children (and give into your FMIL)

    Don't invite the under 2's. Their parents will/won't be offended (add more below please!)

    Impose a blanket ban on all under 5's/all children

  • Post # 47
    Member
    6256 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: March 2014

    I have thought about not having children at the wedding, but we probably will.

    I am having a friend officiate, and when we meet I am going to tell him that I want him to stop the ceremony if there’s a continuously crying baby or other disturbance happening. We plan on not continuing until the offending party takes the baby outside like one is supposed to. You can edit out a baby crying between vows, but you can’t edit one crying OVER them.

    Post # 48
    Member
    6256 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: March 2014

    View original reply
    @les105:  Some children are little brats. Some adults are giant a-holes. The difference is, you can decline to send an invitation to the a-hole and people will generally be understanding about this But if you want the brat’s family to be there, you have to take the brat, too, unless you have a kid-free wedding.

    We are already fretting over this with one of FI’s cousins who has inhuman amounts of energy and has never heard the word “no”.

    Post # 49
    Member
    501 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: December 2023

    I find the whole notion of children ‘ruining’ weddings to be totally ridiculous, and a sign of how much importance is placed on a day rather than the actual marriage.

    If the couple are married at the end of the day, then it’s not ‘ruined’. If there’s some noise over vows, it doesn’t invalidate them – it doesn’t make them any less meaningful. They’re not ruined. You’re still married – and isn’t that the important part?

     

    Saying that, I think as long as you accept that there will be people who will decline the invites because they need to stay with their children, then I think you should just invite whoever you want there. If parents can arrange something and make it – great, if not then it’s just one of those things.

    Post # 50
    Member
    3175 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    View original reply
    @EffieTrinket:  

    View original reply
    @lealorali:  I made it very clear that I have no problem with my child not being invited to a wedding. My problem is that people are often unwilling to see the other side (how some parents might feel about their children not being invited), and treading lightly. As far as not inviting a-holes but having to invite kids- most people wouldn’t be understanding if you invited a woman but not her husband because he’s a jerk. If it’s not a child free wedding, people are going to be offended by you singling out their kids, just like they’d be offended by you singling out their husbands. 

    And, in regards to having witnessed children “ruining” a wedding- no one in hell could’ve “ruined” my wedding. I married the love of my life, and nothing could have ruined that…not a drunk relative, a bratty child…nothing. I have to agree with 

    View original reply
    @Nellop:  on this one. 

    Post # 51
    Member
    245 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: July 2013

    Personally I love my younger relatives. If they’re noisy and antsy during the wedding that’s fine with me 🙂 I’m planning on accomodating for them by figuring out something they can do at the wedding and reception rather than be bored and fussy. We’re going to be on the beach so it shouldn’t be too hard. 

    It’s up to you though, I can see why you wouldn’t want them there. I didn’t vote because it’s really just personal preferance. Maybe you could tell your relatives you’re having a more “adult” oriented wedding and please get a baby sitter. 

    Post # 52
    Member
    245 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: July 2013

    Btw, I think one bee on here had a good compromise: if you can, set up a separate room for a nursery with a baby sitter. Or at least have somewhere for parents to go if their babies become fussy and possibly speak to them ahead of time about it. 

    Post # 53
    Member
    275 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    i also have a 2 year old. i would never dream of taking her to a formal wedding. mostly because i need a break every now and then and would like an adult evening! i just don’t think such formal events are the place for kids. and i would not be offended in the slightest if i were to be invited to a formal wedding sans child. even if she was invited, i would not bring her.

    Post # 54
    Member
    846 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    i think t needs to be all-or-none, so you should just not invite children. if you are important enough to the people you are inviting, they shouldn’t care (especially your future in-laws). i would just say “adult only reception” on the invitation and/or put “we have __ seats reserved for you” and people will just need to deal! its your wedding,do what you want!

    Post # 55
    Member
    698 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    Girl I HAVE a baby and don’t want babies at my wedding! 😉

    Seriously.. my daughter will be the ONLY child at my wedding and a lot of people are coming in from out of town. It’s YOUR day not your Future Mother-In-Law. Forget what she says. I do think even if you do allow the kids with the few you described it won’t be TOO bad but I wouldn’t want to take any chances.

    Put your foot down, you’ve worked too hard to have to stress about a baby screaming in the ceremony or elsewhere. Put to the parents this way “I really want you to have a good time and have a night off from the kids.” 😉 Mask it as a date night for them.. you cant lose. Good luck and don’t give in!

     

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