Post # 1
One of my BMs is pregnant right now and was due on Monday. I’m a little worried because it sounds as though the doctor told her that they wouldn’t induce anything until next week and my wedding is next Saturday (June 8). I obviously would not be angry if she couldn’t come but I would be a little disappointed.
How soon after having a baby would you be willing to come to a wedding? What if you had to drive 3 hours?
TMI ALERT: She is 3.5cm dilated (as of yesterday) and says she lost her mucus plug- any bees care to share how long it was after either of these experiences?
I know the best thing to do is just ask her but I don’t want to put any pressure on her by continuously asking questions.
Post # 3
@MrsBeck: I would not count on her being there. She will have just given birth, and it would be extremely unlikely that she could drive three hours with a newborn, let alone be able to be an active part of your wedding.
At this point, I’d plan to send her flowers next week. 🙂
Post # 4
It definitely sounds like her baby is coming long before your wedding!! I wouldn’t get my hopes up on her making it if I were you.
Post # 5
Lost of babes are born in the two week period after their due date. Think you’re out of luck with regards to having here there!
Personally, I definetly wouldn’t drive three hours if I was 40+weeks pregnant or with a very young babe. Methinks!
Post # 6
i think driving 3 hours just after having a baby is quite a lot. also often people dont want to expose newborns to germs at an event. ultimately i think itll depend hwo she feels – tiredness, tearing during birth etc. i wouldnt count on her making it
Post # 7
After seeing all of these responses I wish she had offered to step down when she found out :/ sounds like most of you wouldn’t have driven the 3 hours even if you had the baby on her original date (Monday)
Post # 8
Lol, Babies have a MIND of their own, literally… and come when THEY DECIDE
Very few Babies come when they are actually “due”
As determined by the Medical field (where Due = Due Date)
Altho many a Dr will tell you that this is because the truth about determing a babies “age invitro” is more guesstimate than full-on science
So miscalculations are common
Here tho a link that tells you what statistics show in regards to a Baby’s Arrival / Birth vs what was the medically projected Due Date
It shows that most babies are actually born EARLY than late.
Hope this helps,
PS… I was a very young and active Mom… and IF I was in the situation you’ve described (so close to the due date) and having such signs as having lost “the plug”/ dialated … I can tell you I would not have run the risk of driving 3 Hours from my home area & hospital. AND if the baby was to arrive even in the next few days… I would not see myself (due to comfort) or the baby (due to exposure to too many others germs) attending either.
Sorry… I don’t have any better news.
Agree with another Bee, think you should take the high road here, and be prepared to send her some Flowers & Best Wishes (and no hard feelings) when she finally tells you either she’s not coming or the baby has arrived… thereby giving her a gracious way out IF she needs it.
Post # 9
Sad to say, she probably isn’t coming. I’m surprised she hasn’t told you this yet. Even if her baby hasn’t arrived by then, she’s going to travel the 3 hours to the wedding dilated to 3.5cm (if not more by then)? I’d be surprised if any doctor would agree to that anyway. And if she does have her baby it will only be a few days old, which means she’s out at that point too.
Statistically speaking, many many first babies are overdue but the mother is extremely uncomfortable by that point which makes me doubt that she is planning on coming.
Maybe she just doesn’t know how to tell you?
Post # 10
@MrsSawyer: I think you’re right. I think this is what bugs me the most- she still talks like she is coming but at this point I don’t think she is. She tends to dance around topics and not give a straight answer. Oh well, even if she tells me she can’t make it there isn’t much I can do at this point!
Post # 11
@MrsBeck: You’ll still have a great wedding 🙂 I have no doubts about that. It can be hard, because everyone is on their own path but you’ll enjoy yourself with your other BMs and guests. Try not to let it get you down, I’m sure she feels really guilty and is unsure how to deal with it.
Post # 12
I would consider attending a wedding a few weeks after giving birth. The first couple of weeks are rough.
As far as the dilation, I was 3 cm at a doctor’s appointment on Monday and I went into labor the following Sunday.
Post # 13
I am due on Saturday, and there’s a wedding in town on June 22nd that I don’t plan on attending. Way too soon with a newborn, much less a newborn plus a 3 hour long drive. As far as her coming if she’s overdue, my OB doesn’t want me traveling more than an hour away from home until baby comes and started that rule at 36 weeks. I’d say with almost certainty she’s not coming and just doesn’t want to hurt your feelings.
Post # 14
I posted this thread awhile ago, re: how early or late people had their first babies:
When (in relation to due date) was your first baby born?
… though I agree with PPs; I can’t see any possible way she’ll be able to attend and she should really be telling you this herself, now, rather than waiting until the last minute or putting you in the awkward position of having to ask.
If she has the baby before your wedding the baby will only be a few days old and she’ll still be recovering from childbirth. Even if she physically felt up to traveling, I can’t imagine her being comfortable taking a brand new baby out so early.
If she’s still pregnant, she’s going to be so miserably uncomfortable and there’s no way her doctor would want her traveling 3 hours away while almost week overdue anyway.
Post # 15
@MrsBeck: She might be in denial. There’s an event that I’d really like to go to at the end of my third trimester, and am currently telling myself its possible even though it might not be. It’s hard to accept limitations on what you can/can’t do. Although it’s too bad she didn’t tell you earlier.
Hope the wedding goes great!
Post # 16
@sailor: I never even considered that she would still be pregnant. This has really shown how little I know about babies. She kept assuring me though that she was okay bringing the new born and that her parents would keep it in their hotel room. So I hope she doesn’t change her mind about that or I’ll be a little disappointed.
The position I’m in now is just wanting her to tell me (like you said). She is still making comments about coming so I’m just not sure what to think at this point.
I know at this point I can’t do anything. I’m certainly not angry at her just a little disappointed that neither of us thought of any of this when she found out she is pregnant. I hope she tells me she isn’t coming so that I don’t have to ask. FI keeps telling me to just ask but I feel so weird doing that.
ETA: thanks for the link! I guess I always thought that women were induced after a couple of days! I swear I’m not 12 years old, I just haven’t started looking at any of this stuff about babies yet!