How often are you intimate?

posted 9 months ago in Intimacy
Post # 2
520 posts
Busy bee

Hardly ever.

Like 1/2 a month. We have a baby and I’m preggers but apart from all that we have been together 10 years. The spark has gone I feel and it’s proving difficult to get back. He’s attractive but put on weight in places that are not flattering whereas I’ve always been quite small. I’m ashamed to admit that I don’t always fancy him and this has lead to numerous heart to hearts about our future. I love him to death but question whether I’m in love with him. Sigh. 

I’ve not answered anything but I’ve scratched an itch by venting here.

Post # 3
7077 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2016

2-3 times is our average. He is in a very intense, time consuming PhD program right now though so some weeks he’s just too busy/stressed out. When we have a lull I don’t really think it affects the rest of our relationship. We are good at communicating our needs so if one of us feels it’s been too long since we’ve had sex we bring it up and we both make an effort to do better.

Post # 4
1382 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

During the week we often work late and go to the gym and FI is writing a research paper + wedding planning so things decline fast and we have sex only like one weeknight. 

BUT ON WEEKENDS it can be 3 times a day so our weekly average is still great lol.

Being tired/not having time are huge factors for us both and the stressful lives we lead contribute to lower libido during the week.

It is what it is.

Post # 6
1981 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

At the beginning, we dated long distance so when we saw each other, it was all we did 😉

Then we moved in together and it definitely slowed down to 2-3 times a week. Around the 6-7 year mark it slowed down more than either of us realized to about once a month. We did some reflecting and saw we weren’t as connected outside the bedroom either: neglecting date night, phones always out, not cuddling on the couch. 

We both made more of an effort in all the areas listed and have made so many improvements to get back to that closeness. Although we aren’t on a schedule, we tend to stick to the weekends with our crazy work hours. 

I definitely see the correlation between the two. 

Post # 7
1037 posts
Bumble bee

Once a week usually, although during busy times sometimes we will go a few weeks without. I am intending to make it more of a priority since I do think intimacy is very important in keeping a relationship on the right track.

Post # 9
113 posts
Blushing bee

I’d say 3 times a week to multiple times a day (unless one of us is sick, super busy, etc). We’re very attracted to one another and physically close. We tend to hug, kiss & cuddle pretty frequently too. I lay on his chest to fall asleep pretty much every night. Intimacy is pretty important to us. We both work 55-60 hours a week and take care of 4 kids so that’s our way to stay close and unwind. 

Post # 11
7492 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2013

We usually have sex 2 times/week, although sometimes only once or sometimes 3 times. We have 2 little kids, and DH works 12 hour night shifts, so those are our variables.

Post # 12
4155 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2017

kharpe6 :  average is 2 times a week. So 6-7 times a month  cause we dont do it on my period week. Some weeks we go 3, some 1, but most of the time it’s 2.

ETA, been living together almost 5 years. We have somewhat different schedules right now too. He has a lower sex drive than me. He can go a a week or 2 and not even notice. If i dont get it 1-2 times a week I go crazy.

Post # 13
4491 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: San Francisco City Hall

Interestingly enough I find when FI and I make an effort to be more affectionate outside of the bedroom it increases our intimacy in the bedroom.  Kind of opposite of what you observed in your relationship.  With that being said sex is a real difficult area in our relationship that we are working on and frequency varies.  I think sex 1 to 2 times a week would be ideal.

Post # 15
1739 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2016

We’ve been together for nearly 7 years and living together for about 6 years. We probably average twice a week. However, we seem to go through spurts so it might be that we have sex three times in a weekend and then don’t have sex again until the weekend after. Sex does usually fall on a weekend.

I think that rather than a lull in sex affecting our relationship generally, I think our relationship generally affects our sex life. So we find ourselves in a lull when we haven’t had a date for a while and if we’re both tired, that tends to lead to both of us not really being in the mood. So if we’re feeling we haven’t had sex for a while then inevitably we find we need to spend more time together and it sorts itself out.

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