(Closed) How often are you…?

posted 9 years ago in Intimacy
  • poll: How many times a week are you having sex?
    5-7 : (5 votes)
    8 %
    3-4 : (17 votes)
    26 %
    1-2 : (33 votes)
    51 %
    were not! : (10 votes)
    15 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    820 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: July 2009

    There is a similar post to this here:  http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/sexless-relationships 

    To answer your questions, while we are not on a dry spell per se, we do go through them. And we don’t do it as much as we’d like, so maybe that is a dry spell? Like you, we have been together a long time (5 years) and sometimes it gets a bit repetitive. We had a great 4 years where we much more often desired to play twister, but I recenly started a new pill that has greatly decreased my drive, and also started grad school for my doctorate, which leaves me stressed a lot of the time. Hence, we sometimes go through periods where we aren’t intimate for longer than we’d like to admit, and like you, I sometimes feel like I could be totally fine going for quite some time beyond that, while he is eager to break the streak. They say that the less sex you have, the less you want it, and vice versa, and I do think that is true. We also don’t live together, though he has his own house and I have an apt, but like you, when we see each other we often feel like we "have" to, which sometimes interferes because, well, that’s not a fun way to get in the mood! Also, we sometimes only have a few hours together, and we’re so busy that we simply don’t have time.

    What keeps me from worrying is that I know we’re still very attracted to each other, and would (will!) definitely do it more often if we lived together and had more time together each week. Also, I know my body, and I KNOW that this new pill changed things for me hormonally. I don’t plan on staying on it for too long into our marriage.  

    Like you, my fiance doesn’t get upset when I don’t feel like it. He voices that he’s bummed, but he understands. And sometimes, he even admits he’s too tired. Sometimes I wish I had the kind of Fiance who would never take no for an answer (bc he wanted me THAT bad!) but I’ve learned to look at the bright side- that I would never have to be totally talked into it. I’ve been in that kind of relationship and it sucks. If you are worried about him straying, have a serious talk about it with him. Also, I’d recommend seeing a doctor to see if it’s something medical. It sounds like you’re bummed about your body and that has a definite emotional effect on sex drive.. as does being overweight, if that is a problem for you.  

    If this is the only thing in your relationship you are concerned about, just talk to him and your doctor, and I’m sure you’ll be fine. Are you still attracted to him? When you do have sex, do you enjoy it?  Are you concerned about what it means for your relationship, or are you just worried that if he doesn’t play twister enough with you, he’ll start playing with someone else? I think the answers to those questions are pretty important for you. 

    Post # 4
    Member
    232 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2009

    do you feel comfortable asking your Fiance if he is satisfied with your sex life?  and if he says "yeah, sure – i love you," do you feel comfortable following it up with – "ok, but what would be your most ideal situation?"  i ask this because just the other day i had that conversation with my Fiance.  i just flat out asked him if he was satisfied with what he was getting.  as of now, we have a pretty consistent sex life, but it isn’t even close to what we were doing when we first got together, and i guess i was getting insecure about it.

    that’s one step, but here’s where i am going to get straight with you… if you are not happy with your body, and you have gained a lot of weight, just get out and get moving.  even if you don’t lose weight, getting out and exercising will give you a better body image, give you more vitality, and increase your sex drive.  it doesn’t matter if you are of a normal weight or overweight. women of all sizes get caught up in body image and that is a huge reason why our sex lives suffer.  you are so not alone in your situation – good luck!

    Post # 5
    Member
    241 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    Maybe you could explore other ways of being intimate?  Such as giving massages, taking showers together, etc?

    The topic ‘How often are you…?’ is closed to new replies.

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