(Closed) How often do you and your SO fight?

posted 5 years ago in Relationships
Post # 16
Member
212 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2015 - Bellagio, Las Vegas

I think fighting can be healthy, as long as the fighting is fair. Raising voices, name calling, score keeping – these are not the healthy way to fight. Disagreements are bound to happen when two people are together all the time, no matter who you are!

SO and I do not fight, necessarily. We’ve had our moments where we needed to talk about a disagreement and try to understand the other’s point of view, but not any knock-down, drag-out fights. I think we are lucky in that we are both very laidback people and we aren’t quick to get angry at things. I rarely get really angry and SO never gets angry. 

Keeping emotions in check and being empathetic to the other person are important! (:

Post # 17
Hostess
8575 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

We have different opinions and banter about things about once a week, but they are never the really important things. We have never argued about REALLY important things, we have the same views on all the things that really matter.

That being said, I think we’ve learned when to compromise with each other, and how to turn a little disagreement into a situation we can both handle, so it doesn’t turn into a fight.

As for an ACTUAL fight, the kind that actually makes us mad at each other for any length of time is a rarity. I honestly can’t remember the last time we had one of those kinds of fights.. most of them happened when we first moved in together [4 years ago].

Post # 18
Member
11519 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2014

sweetis:  we rarely have what I would call a fight.  We disagree, we butt heads but we don’t FIGHT.  We’ve learned how to deal with disagreements so they don’t become fights.

Post # 19
Member
3875 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

sweetis:  Fiance and I bicker all the time, probably once a day at least. I don’t think we are ever in any danger of breaking up because of it. We bicker about wet towels being left on the floor or who didn’t replace the toilet paper, things like that. We never really “argue” to the point of name calling, tears, or yelling. I think because we bicker so much, we relieve these minor annoyances daily so they don’t build up to be something more. I also don’t think that it’s in our personalities to not fight. I come from a loud Italian family where we “bust each other’s balls” so I think that’s how I approach Fiance. Like, “Oh, is is so hard for you to pick up your soaking wet towel and walk the three extra feet to the laundry basket!?” 

Post # 20
Member
3263 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

We’ve been together for nearly 8 years now and we’ve never had a real fight, fight. Like, raised voices mad at each other for an extended period of time sort of fight has never happened. We bicker, though, and occasionally (maaaybe once a year) have what we consider a fight, but nothing too serious. We what I refer to as one of our “fights” once embarrassingly happened in front of our friends (BFF and her DH) about whether or not to keep driving to our destination when something seemed wrong with the car. We turned around, got our friend’s car not even 5 minutes later, and continued on because we weren’t still angry with each other. When I apologized to my friend the next day for fighting with Darling Husband in front of her and her Darling Husband, her reaction was What are you talking about? When did you have a fight? Soooo I guess in that regards, even what I consider us fighting really doesn’t seem like much.

Post # 21
Member
3474 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Depends on what is meant by “fight,” exactly. We have had a few heated conversations, but minimal voice raising, definitely no cursing or name calling or anything like that. In the beginning, I used to keep a running tab like “oh we haven’t fought in 10 days, yay!” but honestly, as we learn each other better, there is less of a need to let every disagreement spiral into an actual fight. I honestly can’t remember the last thing we fought about. It must have literally been months ago. 

Post # 22
Member
4028 posts
Honey bee

sweetis:  I think the level of fighting and what is categorized as “fighting” will greatly vary for each couple, their tolerance for it will also vary as well.

Personally, in the 11 years we have been together (married 1 year) I can only think of 3 major fights. By major, I mean that we both got pretty heated, had to step away from the conversation and revisit it later. Some yelling occured, but no name calling or definitely physical altercation. All three were over major life decisions (i.e., where to go to college, where to move/get a job after college and when to have a major surgery).

In general, we will bicker a few times a week. Usually over what we are going to have for dinner or if we are going to go somewhere over the weekend. It’s fairly minor stuff. We are a fairly even keeled couple and neither of us is passionate or hot tempered.

I am definitely the stubborn/talkative one though and my Darling Husband is the quiet/reflective. Sometimes that helps balance each other out, other times it can be more frustrating. I like to talk through problems from the start, he likes to think on them for a while before discussing.

I don’t think a lot of fighting or drama in a relationship would be healthy for us. But if other couples can make it work and are fine with it, then that is their choice. Personally, I don’t have the energy for it, but I know people who “thrive” on the drama and the roller coaster of emotions.

Post # 23
Member
2961 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Wynn Las Vegas

sweetis:  Mostly when I am PMSing and being a b*tch, but they aren’t even fights so much as disagreements that last a couple minutes. 

Post # 24
Member
19 posts
Newbee

I would say we have a big fight about every six months it will only last an evening or a few days at worst and it usually is based on the fact I am sick of waiting to get engaged and he is in no rush. There a few little ones along the way usually because of hormones, yay for being a woman! 

Post # 25
Member
7898 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

We disagree very occassionally. I air out my grievances, and then we work it out. Fiance is just too easygoing to really get mad. Most couples probably aren’t the same way though.

Post # 26
Member
4242 posts
Honey bee

In our 5+ years together we’ve had one real, actual fight.

We have disagreements here and there but we’re both pretty easy going so it never escalates- we’re good about just letting it go or taking a minute to think/calm down before it turns into a full blown issue.

Post # 27
Member
5 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2017

It surprises me actually that we agree on mostly anything. My SO is pretty easygoing and I usually am too, so that helps. Usually when we fight or argue it’s about pretty important stuff, but it tends to get settled pretty quickly. Even when I have PMS mood swings or whatever, or he’s had a bad day, we find a way to just make each other feel better and get around that, so the arguments are rarely ever silly, but still not terrible and wouldn’t break us up. We rarely argue, but I do think a relationship where no one argued would be kind of… creepy.

Post # 28
Member
9089 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

We don’t “fight.” Fighting defined as: Escalated voices, hurt feelings, feeling mad, snappy or sarcastic tones.<br /><br />We disagree a lot, and we’ll have our little spits at one another but neither of us get mad. We hash it out (even if we don’t end up agreeing or seeing the same way) and unless it’s super important, it gets dropped. If it *is* super important, one of us usually has a really good point that persuades the other to “see correctly.” We’ve got a long life ahead of us so I’m sure we’ll have actual and legit fights down the line, but in three years of being together (and two married), so far so good.

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Post # 29
Member
3091 posts
Sugar bee

sweetis:  It depends what your definition of fight is.

We have moments that we get frustrated at eachother. It is usually over something small and its over in 5 minutes. We usually are just quiet and then either apologize or start cracking jokes about it. Those are every few weeks or so.

We havent really fought over anything serious in a good while – 2 years maybe? That was like clearly upset at eachother, maybe raised voice (probably just mine – he doesnt yell really haha). 

Post # 30
Member
229 posts
Helper bee

We really hardly ever fight. We’ve been together 5 years and the first 2 years we fought and broke up a lot. The last 3 years have been amazing and break up free. We have disagreements sometimes but we usually talk it out and or/ compromise and figure out what to do and fix the problem. Theres been a few times I’ve just hid out in the bedroom alone all evening just to get some space but when he comes up for bed we talk it out and things are ok again. There’s been a handful of times he’s ignored me or been mad at me when we went to sleep and theres been times where ive cried my self to sleep but I ALWAYS make it a point to say goodnight and give him a kiss. No matter what. Things are really great and I’m glad we are able to work things out so easily now.

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