Post # 1
I was just wondering how often others are having sex.
My Fiance and I have different sex drives. I’m more of a every other day type of girl, where Fiance is closer to once a week. I sometimes find this hard to deal with, because I get frustrated and feel like we only have sex when he feels like it, so if I want my fix then I have to be ready to be turned on when he wants sex. We are still working on figuring out what is normal and acceptable for us.
Any advice? I’d appreciate comments, but if you don’t want to discuss your sex life then voting in the poll would be very helpful.
Post # 3
We are the same as you! But i think its because hes gained some weight (50lbs). And we are renovating the house so we go to work and then come home and work on the house for 4-5 hours. Before that we had sex everyday or every other day.
Post # 4
- Wedding: June 2010 - Indiana Memorial Union
It’s so different from couple to couple, the key is that you’re both happy with it. There’s no right amount. I really would not try to compare what other people do and instead reach some sort of compromise with your fiance.
Post # 5
I’m with Ribbons, comparing other people’s sex lives will just make you crazy. BUT, I will offer you an alternative that has worked for us, since my Fiance and I have unbalanced sex drives like you guys.
He works a very demanding job, and we go through cycles. Sometimes it’ll be several times a week, other times maybe once or so. We’re not good at quickies, because it takes me longer than your average girl to get…ready to go.
So, we have “minutes.” If we’re exhausted, but craving some sort of sexual interaction, we lay in bed together, and we take turns. I have a vibrator, and then I give him oral. (It’s not a burden to me, I actually like doing that for him) anyway, the whole process takes maybe 10 minutes.
Maybe you and your Fiance can come up with something like that? We don’t use minutes to replace sex, but in addition to it on our less active weeks. It keeps both of us happy.
Post # 6
@Ribbons I see your point, I don’t think comparing will get me anywhere, but I guess I’m hoping for others to tell me that I’m not alone and not eveyone is having porn star sex twice a day.
@QuietSerenity Your system sounds great and I’m glad you have found something that works for you two. I’m struggling to make progress with Fiance because he is getting the amount of sex he needs to satisfy his sex drive, so he doesn’t really see a problem. When I try to explain that I feel like having sex more often, he gets very defensive.
Post # 7
You know, my Fiance did too, for awhile. I had to sit down and differentiate, and I sort of played to his ego a bit. I said “It’s not that the sex I have with you isn’t fantastic, it IS, but it’s so good, I need more of it to be as happy as I can be.” I tried hard to present it as something I needed, rather than something he was failing to give me.
Ultimately, hopefully your Fiance sees that it’s a need of yours that he’s not meeting, and be willing to work with you. There has to be a compromise, and just “whenever he wants it, then he’s out” is not one.
Post # 8
Fiance and I are both so busy right now and we didn’t live together before and are now both living at my parents house while we renovate our new home. Most nights I am sleeping before he even gets homes so I’d say it’s more like 1-2 per week. I hope it will be a little more when we are married and are living together and spend more time together, but overall I’m pretty happy with the way things are going.
Post # 9
i can totally feel you! Fiance and i went through a similar phase. it really made me feel insecure and get emotional as well!
i agree with the PP’s that you shouldn’t compare it to other couples, as obviously, it’s different with everyone, but i just wanted to reassure you that i have been there and totally know everything feeling you’re feeling from physical to emotional to irrational! ;P
after a month or so of frustratioin building up, i sat down and talked with Fiance about it! i know it sounds redundant cuz that’s probably the most generic advice, but it’s also the most effective! if both of you can come out from behind your walls (you being upset that you should even have to say anything) and your fi (not wanting to talk about it)… you can really see how both of you feel and at least try to make an effort toward a compromise where both of you are happy! 🙂
Post # 10
we also go in cycles…normally its about 3 times a week..but sometimes its only 1-2 times a week. we make it a point to have it at least once a week. like, if we have to schedule it, we WILL (but we make it fun since its planned).
we sometimes want it at different times too…we talked about this and the one who is not it the mood will try to “get it going” if they think they “can”. a lot of times this works for us (it’s usually me who has to get it going, but 80% of the time, i make it happen).
Post # 11
Thank you blondeeebuckeye! I understand the whole ‘trying to get it going’. I feel if Fiance wants sex, that I will do my best to get ‘turned on’ and he is generally good at kissing my neck etc. to help me.
BUT when I try to let him know I’m in the mood, and put on some of my ‘moves’ he will let me for 10 minutes or so, then when I try to take things further he pushes me away and says he isn’t in the mood. And I feel so hurt and rejected. He pushes me away 95% of the time, so now I don’t even try because I feel so stupid when he rejects me.
He says he doesn’t mean to make me feel stupid or hurt, and that he can’t help that he isn’t ‘in the mood’. I disagree, I think if he gave himself a chance he could get in the mood.
Post # 12
I find a nice pair of undies usually puts the man in the mood! We are lucky in that we are both quite well matched!
Also some saucy picture messages usually has him quite excited by the time he gets home 🙂
Am i the only one who feels like the more sex we have, the more i want???
Post # 13
We just got back into having sex more than 2 times a week- I had my daughter in August and for some reason I had a really high sex drive the first 3 weeks after her birth- but obviously we couldn’t do anything about that lol so it died down. The last three months have been really good though. My fiance will drop everything he’s doing if I am like lets get it on lol It gets rough having a baby because you are both just so tired but I try to make time atleast 2-3 times a week for him
My suggestion is to do it like the first time you had sex with him, that is always fun. Recreate it, or recreate your first date. It’s funny because we’ve gotten so use to each other for 6 years we just get it on lol but when we make it like the first it’s fun because there are certain things you didn’t do when you first did it- also it brings back those feelings so you really enjoy it. You can start it off by being like “Do you remember what I was wearing on the first date or say do you remember that lame line/move you shot at me to get a kiss
Post # 14
@roux…hmmm…i think i would feel rejected if that happened to me. one of the things we discussed was when the other person was really not in the mood, to let the other one know if we started kissing and stuff. as long as you’re both open about it, there’s nothing wrong with not being in the mood from time to time. sometimes, you just don’t want it.
another thing we do is change up the scenary…bedroom, guestroom (haha), living room, etc. from time to time. for us, it makes us feel more “adventursome”.
we have a lot of talks about sex…probably too much, but hey, it works for us! 🙂
Post # 15
I would feel really hurt by that Roux. I admit that I am the one with the lower sex drive in the relationship (blame BC and health problems). But when my husband wants to (within reason), I really try to go through the motions and do it. I end up enjoying it but I’m really not into it part of the time but if it were up to me, we probably wouldn’t have much sex which I know isn’t good in a relationship.
Post # 16
- Wedding: June 2010 - Indiana Memorial Union
If I’m not in the mood, I will assist him in his activities. That’s the best euphemism I can use 🙂 I don’t go through the motions of sex because it’s just way too uncomfortable for me and makes me resent it. Maybe suggest something like that? He doesn’t have to have sex-sex, but at least some intimacy?