Post # 31
I need regular communication in a relationship.
Before SO and I moved in together he would send me a good morning message and we would chat sporadically throughout the day and then a goodnight text.
I’m an anxious person and this consistency really helped keep my anxiety in check. It’s not too much to ask for a daily message.
Post # 32
yeah, so I didn’t even get a phone capable of texting until after I was married (this year). I despise it when people try to carry on conversations with me that way. It’s a pain in the ass. If you want to talk to him, wait until he’s off work and then just call him! Texting is ridiculously impersonal and tedious to boot.
Also, since you’re the sort who tends to get really stuck on things, remember that this initial ‘lust’ as it were, is going to fade out. don’t put your expectations through the roof because he’s probably putting out a lot more effort right now, while the relationship is new, than he is going to once you two settle in more. If you think his messaging is subpar now, it’s probably just going to get worse. Find other ways to communicate. Remind yourself of cute things he does that make you happy. You shouldn’t need constant input from him in order to feel loved. The memories should be enough for a day or so.
Post # 33
skunktastic: that’s great advice- “the memories should be enough for a day or so”- because when we’re together I have zero doubts that he’s super into me, and it adds to my feeling of security bc he always has the next time we’ll see each other planned out before we say goodbye. There’s actually a lot of future planning for something this new- meaning, like what we’ll do a month out.
Post # 35
Post # 36
zebra10: for the rest of the puking guy story!
Post # 37
zebra10: if he is working, let him work and back off him. You guys are really. As pp said, it’s normal to communicate this amount right now..
Post # 38
Oh yes, a new relationship! Well, everyone has different expectations. I can understand not wanting to text all the time. But, if that is the case, then he should be calling you. I feel like now that your have decided that you are an “item” that talking daily should be part of that.
Here’s a big thing – who is always iniating conversation? Who calls who first? Who texts who first? Is it always one person? Or is it even? If I found myself always being the one to reach out to call or text… I would stop calling and texting and wait for him to call or text you. Not out of spite, but really to see if he will think to contact you.
Post # 39
I don’t do texting. Is rather meet up or call. Calling and/or meeting a 2-3 of times a week would be typical for me. But a week on my own would have been ok.
The main thing is that you get on the same page about what your expectations are.
The fact you’re feeling very insecure may be scaring him off. I womder if it may be worth you working on your own issues as it could have been an issue for future
Post # 40
- Wedding: March 2016 - Surfer\'s Beach, Grand Cayman
Everyone is different, when Fiance and I were in our early stages of dating we stayed in contact daily, usually multiple texts throughout the day and a phone call every few days but on occasion there were busy days where we would end up just saying goodnight before bed. I’m personally too needy to go days without contact in a relationship, so I’m glad my partner naturally felt the same.
Post # 41
pink.lemonade: YESSS. Closure on the puking guy.
OP, everyone is different in what they need in a relationship. some people are ok with less communication, some people need more. I think you are looking too much into it, though. If you can are comfortable with less communication, and can try to not obsess if he’s “into” you, then you’ll be ok. however, if you need more communication, this may not be the relationship for you.
For me personally, I needed at least a daily communication, and luckily my now Darling Husband always felt the same.
Post # 42
LaurieW: I almost never initiate contact. Period. nor do I initiate the next time we’ll see each other or making plans, ever. if we go a day without talking inevitably he’ll text by the following AM.
Post # 43
zebra10: i’m not saying he should be initiating all the contact. In fact, if he is ALWAYS initiating plans, texts, phone calls, then i would say he might be feeling insecure in the relationship if he is always having to initiate conversation and plans. There should be a good give and take.
Post # 44
I almost never text or call him first. He will reach out to me once a day. I get annoyed by only exchanging, like, 4 texts once per day.
Granted, we see each other in person several days per week. I know he’s incredibly busy with work and it almost seems like as soon as I reach out, in any tiny way (like text), he’ll very quickly and eagerly “take the bait”. meaning, he’ll do one of 3 things: 1) text back immediately, 2) if there was a delay, he’ll call to apologize and explain why, so I dont feel he was being inattentive, or 3) he’ll pick up the phone and call in response to my text, even if he could’ve just responded via short text back.
But if I don’t text him all day after our “good morning” convo, then I may not hear from him again until next day. I should add this is his first serious relationship ever.
Post # 45
zebra10: I think you need a therapist. Your boyfriend calls you on the phone to apologize for not texting you back right away??? And you are upset because what? And despite how important it is to stay in constant text communication, you “almost never text or call him first”???
None of this is normal or healthy behavior on your part. Your SO sounds incredibly patient and understanding. Don’t drive him away with your neediness…get some help.