(Closed) How often do you expect calls/texts from the guy yore dating?

posted 4 years ago in Relationships
Post # 31
2109 posts
Buzzing bee

I need regular communication in a relationship. 


Before SO and I moved in together he would send me a good morning message and we would chat sporadically throughout the day and then a goodnight text. 


I’m an anxious person and this consistency really helped keep my anxiety in check. It’s not too much to ask for a daily message. 

Post # 32
6625 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

yeah, so I didn’t even get a phone capable of texting until after I was married (this year).  I despise it when people try to carry on conversations with me that way.  It’s a pain in the ass.  If you want to talk to him, wait until he’s off work and then just call him!  Texting is ridiculously impersonal and tedious to boot.

Also, since you’re the sort who tends to get really stuck on things, remember that this initial ‘lust’ as it were, is going to fade out.  don’t put your expectations through the roof because he’s probably putting out a lot more effort right now, while the relationship is new, than he is going to once you two settle in more.  If you think his messaging is subpar now, it’s probably just going to get worse.  Find other ways to communicate.  Remind yourself of cute things he does that make you happy.  You shouldn’t need constant input from him in order to feel loved.  The memories should be enough for a day or so.

Post # 37
486 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

zebra10:  if he is working, let him work and back off him.  You guys are really. As pp said, it’s normal to communicate this amount right now..

Post # 38
453 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

Oh yes, a new relationship!  Well, everyone has different expectations.  I can understand not wanting to text all the time.  But, if that is the case, then he should be calling you.    I feel like now that your have decided that you are an “item” that talking daily should be part of that. 

Here’s a big thing – who is always iniating conversation?  Who calls who first?  Who texts who first? Is it always one person?  Or is it even?  If I found myself always being the one to reach out to call or text…  I would stop calling and texting and wait for him to call or text you.  Not out of spite, but really to see if he will think to contact you.

Post # 39
1184 posts
Bumble bee

I don’t do texting. Is rather meet up or call. Calling and/or meeting a 2-3 of times a week would be typical for me. But a week on my own would have been ok. 

The main thing is that you get on the same page about what your expectations are.

The fact you’re feeling very insecure may be scaring him off. I womder if it may be worth you working on your own issues as it could have been an issue for future  

  • This reply was modified 3 years, 10 months ago by  DaisyBlossom.
Post # 40
3114 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2016 - Surfer\'s Beach, Grand Cayman

Everyone is different, when Fiance and I were in our early stages of dating we stayed in contact daily, usually multiple texts throughout the day and a phone call every few days but on occasion there were busy days where we would end up just saying goodnight before bed. I’m personally too needy to go days without contact in a relationship, so I’m glad my partner naturally felt the same. 

Post # 41
882 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

pink.lemonade:  YESSS. Closure on the puking guy.


OP, everyone is different in what they need in a relationship. some people are ok with less communication, some people need more. I think you are looking too much into it, though. If you can are comfortable with less communication, and can try to not obsess if he’s “into” you, then you’ll be ok. however, if you need more communication, this may not be the relationship for you.

 For me personally, I needed at least a daily communication, and luckily my now Darling Husband always felt the same. 

Post # 43
453 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

zebra10:  i’m not saying he should be initiating all the contact.  In fact, if he is ALWAYS initiating plans, texts, phone calls, then i would say he might be feeling insecure in the relationship if he is always having to initiate conversation and plans.  There should be a good give and take.

Post # 45
7772 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

zebra10:  I think you need a therapist. Your boyfriend calls you on the phone to apologize for not texting you back right away??? And you are upset because what? And despite how important it is to stay in constant text communication, you “almost never text or call him first”???

None of this is normal or healthy behavior on your part. Your SO sounds incredibly patient and understanding. Don’t drive him away with your neediness…get some help.

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