(Closed) How often do you initiate sex with your SO?

posted 6 years ago in Intimacy
  • poll: How often do you initiate sex with your SO?
    Always. I practically jump him every time. : (12 votes)
    4 %
    Majority of the time. : (64 votes)
    22 %
    Sometimes. : (43 votes)
    14 %
    It's about 50/50. : (93 votes)
    31 %
    Rarely : (75 votes)
    25 %
    Never. It's my SO's job to do the seducing! : (10 votes)
    3 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    916 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    I used to more, lately it’s been rarely cuz my libido has been very low due to depression, stress, and winter. I always feel bad cuz I know my Husband wants to do it more and we should be doing it a lot more, I am just rarely in the mood.

    Post # 4
    Member
    1212 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    Same here!!! Although this week I’ve been trying like crazy and got nowhere. I’m going winter camping for the weekend and told him this morning I expect to be ravished when I get home on Sunday, regardless of the state I’m in lol!!

     

    This is Too Much Information probably, but I’m peak of ‘in the mood’ during my period and he doesn’t like it when I’m ‘broken’ as he says. That kinda sucks.

    Post # 5
    Member
    235 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    I’m a huge slacker in this department. I don’t know why, but my energy and libido have really dropped recently and sex is the last thing on my mind. That, and our ‘schedules’ are totally off — I don’t want to do it in the morning when my breath is stanky and I’m groggy, and I don’t want to do it right before bed when I’m exhausted, but those are the two times my Fiance always tries to get some.

    I kinda feel like a fiancee failure with the lack of knocking boots…

     

    Post # 6
    Member
    1542 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: December 2012

    For us is like a 60/40 he being the 60. I’m not exactly good initiating and altough he likes when I do it, I feel like I come out as awkward and forced.

    Post # 7
    Member
    9627 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: April 2019

    for us it’s usually me, he never initiates and it really annoys me, makes me feel unwanted to him.

    Post # 8
    Member
    4038 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: October 2010

    Used to be 60/40 him initiating, but since I got pregnant I’ve been jumping him a lot more, so it’s probably more like 60/40 me.

    Post # 9
    Member
    3978 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: May 2011

    I have a hard time with questions like these because I don’t really even know what “initiating” translates to.

    I mean, if we’re kissing and it starts getting more passionate and we end up having sex, who initiated? it’s not like we have conversations where one of us says, “Would you like to have sex?” and the other answers yes or no

    I guess when I’m more in the mood I’m more likely to do things like crawl into bed next to him and ask what he’s doing (the bed is his makeshift office sometimes :), but again, does that mean I initiated?

    Maybe I’m not complicated enough for the question, lol.

    Post # 10
    Member
    485 posts
    Helper bee

    Well we have been together now for almost 3 years, and for the first year and a half it was usually me who would initiate. He often felt too shy to initiate, that it wasn’t ‘okay’ for him to want sex, due to issues in his previous relationship. We talked through that though, and since we moved in together a year and a half ago he has become much better at initiating. So now it’s probably closer to 50/50.

    Post # 11
    Member
    2494 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: July 2012

    It’s almost ALWAYS him, but the last month I have been making an effort. He has been teasing that my effort is something to the effect of:

    me: Wanna do it?

    him: Hockey’s on.

    me: Meh. Okay.

    him: You’re not going to try again, are you?

    me: Nope.

    him: Okay. Let’s go!

    So next step is seducing. Baby steps!

    Post # 12
    Member
    2759 posts
    Sugar bee

    The first 2 years of our relationship, it was ALWAYS me for everything. I was his first girlfriend, so he never really knew how to go for it with kissing, sex, etc. It got to be really frustrating because he would never even kiss me deeply without me doing it first, so we talked about it and I explained to him that it made me feel like he didn’t want me when he never initiated. Looking back, I think it was mostly just the living situation: we started dating in college, and we never had the place to ourselves.

    Once we moved in together, our sex life changed a LOT for the better and now I’d say it’s about 50/50, maybe with a little more on him since there’s a week every month right before my period where I’m practically asexual.

    Post # 13
    Member
    1737 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2013

    @takemyhand: LOL I love your answer.

    I’d say we’re about 50/50. I am pretty straightforward when I want it. I just say something like, “Hey, you should come in the bedroom with me” or “Hey, take off your pants.” Anything else feels awkward and forced to me. But he loves being the seducer, so there’s plenty of times he initiates with little kisses and touches, too. It’s a nice system 🙂

    Post # 14
    Member
    688 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    I feel like a bad girl because its all me. I want it all the time. Fiance is 7 years older then me n he said that his sex drive is lower now but i am just hitting my peak. I must add we been together for  4 years and the 1st year it was all him but the roles have changed.

    Post # 15
    Member
    3151 posts
    Sugar bee

    I said 50/50 but usually it is me, I feel like he doesn’t want to be pushy, but I would prefer if he did more often so I don’t feel pushy….but alas, a girl does what she has to do!

    Post # 16
    Member
    193 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: December 2015

    @Snow00774:  “broken” – lol thats why my guy calls it too, and sex during is a huge no-no in his book.

    Most of the time I’m the one that gets things started, sometimes being sexy and really working at getting him in the mood (candles, a massage) othertimes its basicly “I wanna take care of something in the bedroom, you should help” LOL

    When we first got together, I was jumping him ALLLL the time, to the point were I had to tell him he needed to start doing things to me. I was starting to feel like a live in rapist lol. But he loves it and is learning that I LOVE it, so its okay 🙂

    Now days I would say its 60- 40% I get the balls rolling (sorry, couldn’t resist)

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