(Closed) How often do you make plans with friends without your SO?

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
  • poll: How often is your SO invited to hang out with you and your friends?
    Always, whether friends' SOs are there or not : (33 votes)
    24 %
    Only when it involves the friend(s) SO : (36 votes)
    27 %
    Sometimes : (54 votes)
    40 %
    Never : (12 votes)
    9 %
  • Post # 46
    Member
    1554 posts
    Bumble bee

    Same as you OP, if it’s my single girlfriends then I definitely don’t invite him. We have a few mutual friends so we’ll hang out together then, regardless of whether they are coupled up. But no I wouldn’t invite him to a dinner with just girl friends. If there were single guy friends in the mix then I’d probably invite him.

    Post # 47
    Member
    1592 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: April 2017

    ela0919 :  My Fiance would hate being invited all the time! I usually hang out with female friends when it’s not mutual friends, rather than couples, so nobody’s SO is invited.

    Post # 48
    Member
    949 posts
    Busy bee

    I meet up with a hobby group a few times a month and my husband wouldn’t dream of tagging along to those 😀 He knows a few of the people there and likes them, but it’s really not his scene, so he normally doesn’t come along.

    Occasionally (maybe once a month or every 6 weeks), I’ll go see a film or have dinner with some of my girlfriends who I’ve know since we went to school together. A few of these friends have kids, so most of the time those events are girls only, as my friends’ partners often need to stay home to look after their kids in those situations. It would be weird if only some of us had our partners along, so those gatherings are often partnerless.

    Post # 49
    Member
    3876 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: April 2017

    My Fiance and I rarely hang out with each other’s friends. We have a couple of mutual friends who we both do things with together, but on the whole our friends are separate. It’s not that we wouldn’t be invited, we could come along with each other if we wanted to, but we just don’t particularly care to! He gets to go and do his own thing for a while and I’d much rather stay home watching TV shows with my dog, and vice versa. 

     

    Post # 50
    Member
    108 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: July 2017

    9 times out of ten Fiance is invited out with my friends.. mainly because our friends are the same group.. however once or twice a month the girls all hang out and go for dinner or something and the boys will get together and go to the pub or something. I find this to be a good balance for us, but there have been times when Fiance comes out with just the girls and he’s never found this awkward or uncomfortable, he just gets involved and has a laugh with us. 

    Post # 51
    Member
    7836 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: October 2010

    I go out with my girlfriends 2-3 times a month and my Darling Husband is never invited, and they never bring their SO either. He also hangs out with his friends a few times a month without me. I need time away from him and our kids!

    Post # 52
    Member
    140 posts
    Blushing bee

    I think age / life stage may have something to do with friend time. I’m mid 30s and have been with my SO for a year. I have long standing friendships that are important to me, as does he, so we mix time alone with friends with time together. Like others, for me it depends on who is going to the event. If it’s a dinner with a few friends and noone is bringing their SO, he’s not invited. If it’s a party or get together that includes SO’s then of course he is invited! So far we have not had any issues. Likewise, I am invited to some of his events and not others.

    OP, I am thinking you just inadvertently clustered too many events together in a row which resulted in your husband feeling left out. I would just acknowledge his feelings, and discuss which events he would be interested in attending and be mindful of not having too many events without him close together in future.

    Post # 53
    Member
    2468 posts
    Buzzing bee

    I don’t know, it seems strange to me that the OP’s SO (husband, I think) is upset about not being invited to hang out with her and her girlfriends.  Has he considered how the girlfriends would feel about it, and whether they want to include him?  I’m sure they think he’s a great guy and have no issue with him, but including him would definitely change the dynamic.  

    The dynamics where most of her friends are single women and most of his friends are married couples complicates it a bit.  Although it almost sounds like his friends are actually “their friends”.  

    My SO and I have “my friends”, “your friends”, and “our friends”.  I don’t mind when she hangs out with her friends and I am not invited, nor does she mind when I do the same.  I’m occasionally invited to come when she’s doing something with her friends but truth be told, I never really enjoy myself fully because I feel a bit awkward/like a 5th wheel.  And I know my presence changes the dynamics, the discussion, even what restaurant we might go to (due to food allergies).  

    Post # 54
    Member
    94 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: July 2018

    My fiancé and I mostly have the same friends (as a result from me moving to our home city from a different state several years ago.) If my female friend’s SO’s are invited, he comes. If they aren’t, he doesn’t. And vice versa. He is probably just feeling sensitive since it happened so many times in a week. If I were you, I would have a good conversation about the situation and then let it go

    Post # 55
    Member
    1940 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2017 - Pearson Convention Centre

    Hardly ever we always make plans together to go out with friends, the only time we go out apart is if one of us is working late

    Post # 56
    Member
    3169 posts
    Sugar bee

    I hang out with my female and male friendship groups alone. With the guys, sometimes we bring our partners but it’s rarely. We’re a mix of singles and partnered. My girl friends it’s always alone. Every now and then I chuck my husband a charity invite but he usually says no.

    His friends are coupled up and I’m close to some of their female partners so that’s sometimes together. 

    Its funny typing this as TBH I don’t keep track. We have plenty of time together. If I was feeling otherwise like I wasn’t a priority and my husband went out alone all the time I would be upset but that’s not the case at the moment 

    Post # 57
    Member
    2123 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: December 2017

    Why would your husband even want to regularly hang out with your single female friends? My fiancé would hate that! I think it’s perfectly normal not to invite your SO along to everything. That said, I’ve no idea why your husband feels the way he does. Perhaps it’s principle. Maybe he just wants to be invited. 

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