(Closed) how often do you see your in-laws?

posted 7 years ago in Family
  • poll: am I being too difficult?
    no... seeing your in-laws once a week is A LOT : (70 votes)
    65 %
    yes... it's your family, deal with it : (25 votes)
    23 %
    other... see below : (12 votes)
    11 %
  • Post # 3
    243 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2011

    I live right around the block from them so I see them a lot.  Plus my Future Mother-In-Law picks my kids up from school (not FI’s kids btw) so yeah I grateful for that.  Sometimes it can be too much, esp when there is family drama but they’re gonna be my family so I just gotta learn to deal with it. 

    We went over there Wednesday night for dinner and last night they came over by our house.  I”m sure I’ll be seeing them this weekend as well….

    Post # 4
    4693 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    Right now we’re living with my SO’s parents because our condo was condemned, so we were forced to leave, but before that we saw them about once or twice a week, and we see my family once or twice a week also. We also go away for long weekends and vacations with both of our families.  (Not at the same time though!)

    Post # 5
    3624 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    We live around the corner from Fiance parents, so yes, I see them a lot! More than my parents which makes me miss them.

    They drop by unexpectedly, which can be annoying. But it’s a reeeeeally good thing I get along with them so well.

    Post # 6
    2373 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: July 2008

    I don’t think you’re being rude, different families do different things and you may not be used to that level of closeness. I can totally see hanging out with my parents every week (and my husband would be cool with it), but I can’t imagine seeing my in laws more than a few times a month, probably less (right now we see them about twice a year because we live in another state. There have been issues with my in-laws which make visits not as fun).

     Basically, you have to do what you’re comfortable with. You’re not stopping him from going as much as he wants so I don’t really see what the problem is. It is sweet he wants you to come though 🙂

    Post # 7
    868 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: April 2011

    We see FI’s parents or mom at least once a week. I get along with his parents very well, so I dont mind spending time with them!

    Post # 8
    6351 posts
    Bee Keeper

    We spend two weekends a month with his mom and sometimes siblings at their lake house.

    Post # 9
    2463 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: August 2010

    we used to live a 10 minute drive away from my in-laws, and i think on average we did see them once a week or so, usually on sunday nights for dinner, though not always if we had other plans or were too tired; occasionally more, but sometimes less. so yeah, i agree, more than once a week can be a LOT, especially if you and your fi don’t get much downtime other wise or time with just the 2 of you. i don’t think you’re being rude, but i think maybe you should just explain why it feels overwhelming to your fi–getting on the same page is what’s most important.


    Post # 11
    3620 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2010

    I know EXACTLY what you’re going through.

    My parents go up north (two hours away) every weekend, so if we want to see them, we end up spending a weekend with them… but those trips are few and far between, and I don’t feel the need to see my parents all the time anyway!

    However when my now-husband and I started dating (and even up through our engagement) we were seeing his family 3-4 times a week… Like, Tuesday night was dinner with his mom and her husband, Thursday night we had to meet them at the mall for a crappy food court dinner and then a lap around the mall to “socialize” (his mom, sister, aunt and cousin), Friday night we had drinks out with his sister and uncles, and Saturday afternoon we had lunch with his mom and aunt… and then most Sundays, we were visiting his dad (his parents are divorced) – so we were legitimately seeing his family 5 of 7 days per week. And then he’d complain that we had to spend a “whoolllle weeeekennnnd” (insert whiney voice) up north to see my parents.

    I had the conversation with him that while I like to see his family, we need to establish boundaries with both of our families regarding our personal lives, our “us” and “me” time… I explained to him that even though we don’t spend WHOLE WEEKENDS with his family, the amount of nights devoted to them was at or more than the amount of a whole weekend up north with my family… and I explained to him that I didn’t feel like we had enough time away from family given that 5 of 7 days were taken up consistently. He seemed hurt at first, but he seemed to get it after a bit, and we started to limit it to 2-3 times a week, and then down to 1x per week… weaning them off!

    When Darling Husband got a new job that prevented him from going to family mall night, my Mother-In-Law would continue to invite me to go – I politely declined, thanked her for the invitation but explained that I was devoting the time right after work to my fitness/hit the gym, since I don’t get much “me” time to better myself.

    Holidays were tough too, since my Mother-In-Law was used to the way “we always do it” which meant her son being at both Christmas morning AND Thanksgiving dinner… we had to set boundaries, and I KNOW that Darling Husband was less than “on board” with the idea of upsetting his mom… but I was able to explain to her that it isn’t about HIS family vs MY family, but rather, it is OUR family now, and that needed to include our new family unit, the two of us. It takes a lot of communication, and sometimes it’s not always easy to communicate, it’s a balancing act – and I’m sure I’ll continue to struggle with it over the years, but stay firm, stay strong and work WITH your fiance to help him to understand that it’s not that you don’t like them, but that it’s about building the foundation for you guys’ life together.

    Post # 12
    2788 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: January 2011

    I can see where you are coming from, but honestly, I relate more with your Fiance in this situation.  My immediate family is very close and if Darling Husband and I lived closer, I’d want to see them at least twice a week.  Unfortunately, we live about 2.5 hours away, but still come down for the weekend pretty frequently.  My Darling Husband is close with my family also, but I know he wouldn’t necessarily want to see them that often (heck, he doesn’t want to see his own family that often!).  So, we do make time for just us and limit our weekend visits to 1 or 2 a month. 

    I would really try and suck it up and see them – they want to include you in their family time and I think that really says something about them.  Some in-laws would prefer to see only their blood child that often without their partner…I think that is a much more scenario.

    Post # 13
    2233 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    We live about an hour from SO’s parents, if we could we would probably see them more often than we do now (once a month). My parents however live 10 minutes from us and we are at their house pretty much every single day. He doesn’t seem to mind and actually finds it weird when we don’t see them at least 3x per week. 

    Both of our families are very close so it’s not odd to either of us to spend this much time together especially while it’s just the two of us. 

    Post # 15
    2299 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: June 2010

    My Darling Husband and I don’t really get along with his family, so we see them twice a year. We live 6 hours away and goes to university and works full time. They don’t appreciate the time we give them so we don’t even bother anymore.

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