Post # 1
The title pretty much says it all. I’ve seen several posts recently about weird Mother-In-Law behavior, and it got me thinking about my own Mother-In-Law. We are essentially acquaintances. In the 6 years that my husband and I have been together (married for 3), Mother-In-Law and I have spoken 4 times. Once when we met, and told them we were engaged, once when she called me to tell Darling Husband that his great grandfather had passed because he was deployed at the time, and she knew he would call me. We spoke once when I messaged her asking for his siblings sizes to send them Chritmas gifts. And once when she texted me to tell me that DHs aunt had passed, and again she couldn’t get a hold of him because he was at work. She has an odd attachment to a girl that he had dated briefly before we started dating, who is now married and expecting, and even went to her baby shower. But has never even sent us a card for any holiday, our wedding, buying our house, nothing. I’m not really bothered by it, if she doesn’t want to be a part of our lives then fine, she’s missing out, not me! But it’s strange, right?! I talk to my dentist more than my MIL! Lol.
Post # 2
Does she live close by? Maybe she tries to tread lightly or shes the quiet type? She might be so attached to the other girl because the girl reached out first? If you want to change the circumstances, I would try to invite her out to dinner or a girls day at a spa. If things stay the same, well at least you can say you tried and that she is defintely missing out. I’m sure your husband would appreciate your effort towards his mother. In laws are never an easy thing to deal with
Post # 3
Well, a hands off approach might be ok. You could have the type that is always in your business telling you Whst to do. I speak to mine maybe once every 2 months. I would do more but if I do too deep, she offers an unsolicited opinion so I try to keep it light. Have you spoken to her directly and told her that you want to develop a better relationship?
Post # 4
Since my husband and I have been together (several years, married since September 2015), I’ve talked to my Mother-In-Law a total of 4 times. The first was when we were dating and I went with my honey to drive her to work. The second time was at our wedding. The third and fourth times were both at funerals. My husband and her are moderately close, and they talk at least once a week. I have no issues with her- she’s actually very nice- however, she doesn’t speak much English and I don’t speak Spanish, so communicating can be difficult.
On the other hand, we see my Father-In-Law about twice a month.
Post # 5
I wrote my Mother-In-Law out of my life 8.5 years ago, after 30 years of marriage. I was sick of her narcissism, histrionics, favoritism and toxicity. My husband did everything for her – her other kids moved a couple hours+ plane flights away, but in her eyes, he has always been deficient. It was like our family didn’t exist unless we were needed to do something. She would also treat her other children/grandchildren to vacations, because that was the only way she could get them to visit her.
Years ago she promised to set up investment funds, for our daughter and her grandson. She never did and we struggled to help her with her college costs. Years later, I discovered that she did give money to the grandson; it took years for my daughter to finish her education. The latest incident occured the week my daughter’s wedding RSVPs were due, and she sent her a couple of nasty e-mails, demanding she invite distant/estranged relatives because she thinks “weddings are family reunions.” She was the first guest to leave the wedding. Good riddance!
Post # 6
jerseygirl28: He isn’t very close with her, honestly, which is definitely part of why we aren’t close. When we first started dating and got married I always encouraged him to call, and we would send gift and cards and flowers for birthdays and holidays and things like that. They live about 12 hours away, so dropping by isn’t exactly an easy thing to do, but a little over a year ago we bought our house and the week we moved in we had a pipe burst and it literally destroyed two levels of our home. They were on vacation about 2 hours away and we had planned on driving to spend a day with them, but unfortunately, our house had other plans. We invited them to come stay with us for a night, and we could go and do stuff here, but with repairman and a serious drain on the bank account we weren’t able to drive to them. She had his little sister text him saying how he broke her heart because he wouldn’t come see her. It was super manipulative, and didn’t change the fact that our ceiling had fallen in.
sistersequin: I tried when we first started dating and got married, but over the years I’ve just given up. She and I don’t see eye to eye on a lot of topics, and that’s okay. We can be civil, there’s no hate, we just aren’t close.
I’m not really looking for advice on improving our relationship, Itried, and it just isn’t going to happen, and I don’t want to force it. Darling Husband loved his grandparents, who basically raised him, but he and his mother are not close either, so he is 100% okay with our current set up, I just read threads on here occasionally and thing ‘man, this is weird!!’ lol.
Post # 7
I think I’ve seen a lot of ranges, my Mother-In-Law passive aggressively called me and yelled at me about me now calling her often enough (because she makes it so appealing right?) and I talk to her more frequently than her son. We live over an hour away but because she is so demanding of her our attention, is incredibly manipulative we see the in laws about twice a month. We see my parents twice a year and Mother-In-Law bitches about me seeing my parents “too frequently”.
I have a friend who never talks to her in laws unless it’s like the obligatory “merry xmas” or “happy bday” message and another who is required by her Mother-In-Law to talk on the phone every week.