Post # 1
Hello beatiful bees!
So, this may be a total dork question but I just dunno. How often does one speak to their FMIL/MIL? I have met/been in the company of my Future Mother-In-Law perhaps 3-4 times that I can remember (she lives out of state). Now that we are getting married I want to have a super solid relationship with her and in fact reached out to her on FB recently (sent her a friend request which she accepted) and sent her a brief message asking if we could chat (she gave me her work hours/days off/availability so that we can). I know that I talk to my mother likely every day/every other day but she for now lives around the corner from me plus she is my mom. I don’t know how to act around a Mother-In-Law or what I should say/do/ask, etc.
How did you bond with your FMIL/MIL? How often do you chat via phone? She seems super open to it but I feel a little awkward and don’t want to goof this up.
Post # 2
I don’t ‘chat’ with my Mother-In-Law on the phone – but I don’t really do that with anyone. If we do talk its via email.
We recently had our first child so now we do communicate more regularly about the baby (I send weekly emails to both sets of grandparenfs talking about what she has done that week. I only let them know more often if something major has happened, I.e. Weight gain.)
The relationship between my husband and his mum has always been slightly strained so I was wary about getting too close to her. I have seen for myself too. It’s not that she isn’t a nice person – she just has certain opinions/views, as everyone does, and cannot accept that maybe someone else may have different priorities/views on things.
if you have the opportunity to bond with your Future Mother-In-Law then do it. Maybe go out for a coffee or dinner and just get to know her. think about how you would get to know a friends and go from there.
Post # 3
I only ever talk to my Mother-In-Law when I am at their house for dinner about every month or so. I have nothing against her but we are far too different to ever be close
Post # 4
I hardly ever speak to my Mother-In-Law on the phone but we send each other viber messages every few days. I go and stay with her when my Darling Husband is away for work quite often so we are pretty close.
Post # 5
- Wedding: May 2015 - St Peter\'s Church, East Maitland, and Bella Vista, Newcastle
I tend to talk with my Mother-In-Law via text or FB message. She’ll call me if she can’t get hold of Darling Husband, or if there’s something she wants to chat with me about,but we don’t talk on the phone much at all.
Post # 6
- Wedding: April 2017 - Hogarths, Solihull
I talk to my Future Mother-In-Law a fair bit I guess? She doesn’t have a mobile phone, so we don’t text, but she’ll often send me funny stuff via Facebook messenger. She usually calls our home phone if she wants to chat, but that’s usually about presents for Christmas/birthdays etc or to arrange family gatherings.
We live about half an hour away from his parents, so we see them every couple of weeks when we go see his nan who lives about 5 minutes from them!
We’re fairly close I guess, my Fiance is an only child so I’m as close to a daughter as it gets haha
Post # 7
My Future Mother-In-Law and I text every couple of days. It took us years to get to this point. not because we had bad blood before or anything, but I’ve lived out of state and these things just take time. The wedding happening I’m sure brings us closer too.
I think it’s sweet of you to reach out. Try and schedule some alone time. Don’t force it though. Sometimes forcing a bond can actually make it so you never have one. If she is overall a fan of yours (and you of her), you will get along just fine.
Post # 8
- Wedding: May 2018 - City, State
I’m very close with my Future Mother-In-Law. We chat several times a week and she’s like a second mother to me. I see her every few weeks even though Fiance and I live in a different state.
We always bond over shopping 🙂
Post # 9
I talk to her about once a week when we go around for dinner. I would rarely talk to her on the phone or message her outside of that.
Post # 10
My fmil and I don’t tend to talk on the phone. We weren’t super close until they helped us remodel a house the my fi and I bought together. His dad did alot of the handywork and showed my fi how to do things for the future which left me and my fmil to come up with decorating ideas. We bonded and got closer and it was fun. We got to do some running and chatting and get to know each other without all the formalities.
What brought us wayyyy closer was my fbils wedding. He is getting married and we’ve met his fi about 3 times maybe four and she just doesn’t put in any effort. So we’ve bonded over that issues (kind of makes us seem like bitches, but Iswear we don’t sit and talk about her or anything like that, we talk about what we can try to improve next time or how we can make her seem more welcomed, etc etc. I swear we aren’t just sitting around badmouthing her!).
Try to include her in some aspect of the wedding?! Depending on what it is, she will probably love you for it and you two will get closer.
Post # 11
Only when absolutely necessary. She’s a severe alcoholic, the rest of the family enables her, and I refuse to pretend like nothing is wrong with that.
Post # 12
I’m also in the “only when absolutely necessary” camp.
Since our wedding two months ago when she told the photographer to get me out of pics so she could have ones of her REAL children, that has been it. Zero communication in two months. Thanks Mother-In-Law dearest!
Post # 13
I only see my Future In-Laws two or three times a year because they live about 10 hours away (driving), but they do make an effort to come to us, which helps. My Mother-In-Law has a sweet habit of calling me when she knows Darling Husband is out of town and I’m home alone – we usually have long phone conversations then (hour or so), but that’s maybe three times/year.
Other than that, we don’t usually talk on the phone unless she calls for my birthday or the holidays are coming up (she knows I know our schedule/plans better than Darling Husband does).
Post # 14
i don’t chat with Mother-In-Law. Darling Husband isn’t close to her, and while he visits her every now and then, i only see her a couple times a year. she is sick and lives in a rehab facility for the time being.
on the otherhand, i am close with DH’s aunts (his mother’s sister and father’s sister). while i don’t talk to them on the phone, i see them about once a month.
Post # 15
When I first got married almost 10 years ago, my in laws werent my biggest fan. Thought I wasnt good enough yada yada yada. We were young, 19 and 22 so I get they were worried. Even after we had a very not so great relationship, had major fights and she was very disrespectful. My mother passed away when I was 22 and after that we became alot closer. We talk once a week, sometimes less sometimes more. Im glad we are closer now. She can still get under my skin but I am now mature enough to let it slide. I think its a great idea to try and get to know her and build a relationship, even if it is thru phone calls or emails. Just keep it casual doesnt have to be to involved until you guys get to know one another. Try to include her in the wedding. I hope you guys can build a great relationship with one another. Being on both sides of the spectrum im so glad we can get along now lol. Good luck and Congrats on getting married!