Post # 1
H and I are newlyweds and I was just wondering how much is an average amount of time (per week or per month) to talk to MIL? I know the answer may depend on each particular situation, so I’ll briefly share that we don’t have that much in common and the in-laws live 10+ hours away. We only see them a few times/year, but H and his mother talk nearly every other day, so part of me thinks she gets the “scoop” on our lives from him…so maybe she doesn’t really feel the need to call me much or wonder if I don’t call her?
My wedding was a little disappointing in some respects (long story and I don’t want to re-hash everything and I have 100% kept this to myself) so maybe that has something to do with not having a very close relationship??? Not really sure. I think we have a polite relationship but that’s about it. I don’t really feel an urge to reach out, but if I should seek to be more respectful and keep up the peace, I’d like to know what a good amount of time to reach out…
Post # 2
My Mother-In-Law lives 20 min away and I don’t talk to her much, tbh. I see her once every 4-6 weeks for dinner and honestly that’s enough for me: she typically leaves me rather upset for a week or two afterwards.
As for you: don’t force it. You don’t have to be BFFs with your Mother-In-Law. She lives 10+ hours away anyway, its not like you really could be. You’re going to be married to this guy for the rest of your life, right? So you’ll have interactions with her a few times a year forever. You’ll bond then. Especially once there’s a baby involved, if you decide to have one.
Post # 3
I’m not married yet, but I only really talk to my Future Mother-In-Law when my Fiance FaceTimes them. I’ll jump in on the conversation, but I don’t know that I’ve actually ever reached out on my own just to talk. I’m like you, we have a friendly and polite relationship, but nothing much more. I’m really close to my own mom though, so that may be why I’m not as apt to create a really deep bond with my Future Mother-In-Law.
I agree with PP, you don’t have to be best friends. I’d just communicate however much feels natural to you both.
Post # 4
I like my Mother-In-Law just fine, but D H doesn’t really communicate that often with his parents, even though they only live one town over. So I’ve just taken his lead. We are friendly and loving when we see each other, but don’t talk regularly. We meet them for dinner or for events with the kids every couple months. I think Mother-In-Law would like to have a closer relationship, but D H has some baggage about them that he hasn’t quite let go of yet, so I’m not sure that is in the cards.
Post # 5
I don’t ever talk to my Mother-In-Law on the phone. Just when we see each other, which is only a few times a year as we live far from each other. We will text sometimes, but that is it. I don’t expect my husband to call up my mom and I think it’s the same for him. He updates her on things going on in our lives so I don’t feel like I need to. I’m pregnant now, so I think that will change once the baby comes, but we will probably Facetime when both of us are home.
Post # 6
My Mother-In-Law lives 8-9 hours away. My husband has a weekly Sunday night phone call with his parents. I usually hop on the call too but sometimes I’m busy so I don’t. I never call my in-laws just to chat or catch up but I also really hate talking on the phone to anyone really. Sometimes his mom will text me asking about gift ideas for my husband or to say she sent a package but never really just to chat.
I feel like I have a very good relationship with my in-laws but we aren’t friends. We don’t hang out or chat on the phone because that’s just not a part of our dynamic but it doesn’t mean we have a bad relationship.
Post # 7
Thank you all for the responses! I don’t feel so bad right now. I’m dealing with a lot of “life” things right now, and this was one thing (albeit, the minor thing of the bunch) that I wanted to evaluate to make sure I was “ok” or “not so out of the ordinary”.
Post # 8
I have great relationship with my Mother-In-Law, but I literally never speak to her unless we see each other in person. Which is maybe a few days yearly (they live overseas). Only Darling Husband keeps in touch more regularly over Skype/text.
Post # 9
Mother-In-Law lives across the country. We see her about once a year and I’ll talk to her a bunch then. Otherwise, I’ll text her and Father-In-Law pics and vids of our baby. I like the ILs a lot, but we’re not BFFs.
Post # 10
I love my mother in law and we have enough family gatherings through the year that I see her and speak with her there but it’s rare for us to speak on the phone unless it’s a brief “pass the information” kind of call. I would find it strange if she started calling me to just be on the phone and chat. Neither of us are really like that.
Post # 11
- Wedding: April 2017 - City, State
Get along great with Mother-In-Law, but like PP, I only speak with her when we see each other in person. Dh is in regular contact with her though.
Post # 12
we Live in the same city and I work nearby so sometimes if my husband needs something from their house I will go grab it (we live on the opposite side and he works far from their house), so I would text her about that. But just to chat? Never lol. She talks to my husband pretty often and that’s fine.
Post # 13
My Mother-In-Law lives a 10hr drive away and we only see her 2-3 times a year. She and I are really similar and get along really well and she apparently adores me. However – we only really talk on the phone maybe once every 4-6 months when my husband and her are already chatting.
I do also haate talking on the phone though and I think my Mother-In-Law is a bit the same. I actually talk to my grandma in law far more often (every few days) because she likes talking on facebook messenger haha.
Post # 14
Group texts sometimes or group emails and when I see her.
Post # 15
My mother in law is like a second mom. My parents live 15 hours away and my in-laws are just around the corner. So, I’ve got to know both of them really well. I usually see my mother in law at least once a week and occasionally we text each other something. Very rarely do we talk on the phone. In your situation, I don’t think it’s necessary for you to be talking with your mother in law regularly.