Post # 1
I’m a huge daddy’s girl, but I’ve had a rocky relationship with my mom.
She tried to force me to be her friend rather than her daughter. I was rarely allowed to hang out with my friends and was forced to constantly spend time with her. Meanwhile, my brother was allowed to go off and do as he pleased.
I live in a different province than my family. When I first moved, I knew no one in my new home, so I called my family about once a week.
Now that I’ve settled in, have a husband and my own friends here, I don’t talk to them nearly as often.
My mom will never pick up the phone to call me, but I keep getting these really sarcastic messages from my mom like, “Are you still alive, it’s been so long, I begin to wonder?, my phone number hasn’t changed…”
This type of thing makes me so mad and makes me want to talk to her even less.
I don’t know how to talk to her about this, because she takes even the smallest bit of critisism to the utmost extreme.
For example, when she would cook dinner, if I told her niceley I didn’t care for something she made, she would flip out, call me ungrateful and make me get my own food for the next week while still making meals for everyone else in the house.
I’m so afraid to set her off, but I don’t want to talk to her and be subject to her sarcastic remarks. What can I do?
Post # 3
@metalbride: My mom is the same way with me. I always get the guilt trip because I never contact her. I always remind her that it works both ways. We also have a rocky relationship and have never really gotten along.
Post # 4
I talk to my mom probably once or twice every 2 weeks and I am always the one calling her…… maybe I should start giving her a guilt trip??
Post # 5
I talk to my mom anywhere from every other day to several times in one day, I guess maybe 5-7 times per week.
Post # 6
My mom is my best friend, if we go like 3 days without talking, I’ll suddenly start to worry that something bad happened and call. Otherwise we usually talk every day.
Honestly though, it didn’t change from a mother-daughter relationship into a friendship until after a couple situations in a row where I put my foot down with her (usually about a decision she didn’t agree with) and proved to her that I was an adult with valid ideas, and could be accountable for my own decisions and actions.
I think you should bring everything up honestly to your mother, explain that you would like to have a relationship where you’re equals, and then let her know that you’re going to walk away until she has finished throwing her fit and actually considered what you’ve said. Phrase it nicer if you’d like :). I just find that addressing my mom from equal footing has really transformed us into friends.
Post # 7
@Rouquine: I have definately tried that, but a couple weeks later, it’s back to the same thing.
@Taeyers: The issue is that I don’t want to be friends with her. I don’t call her because I don’t want to talk to her. I’d call more often if I knew it was just my dad at home.
I have very little in common with my mom and only call her because I feel obligated. I don’t enjoy our conversations, I just feel it’s a waste of time making idle chit chat about nothing. She gossips about people I don’t care about and generally has nothing productive to say, she’s actually quite depressing.
I work in the same industry as my dad, so we talk work and we also share some hobbies, so I can actually get some enjoyment out of talking to him.
I actually dread talking to my mom, and when you throw these sarcastic remarks on top of everything, it stresses me out.
Darling Husband can’t stand her, and has asked that we cut her out of our lives. I don’t want to go that far, but definately need to do something about this.
I’ve tried talking to my brother about it, but he’s no help either, because she just doesn’t bother him as much.
Post # 8
I talk to my mom probably every other day, sometimes every day. But we have a fairly close relationship, and I usually like talking to her.
Post # 9
@metalbride: oooooh I’m sorry, I completely misunderstood the situation! I thought the problem was the way she tries to relate to you, not a huge incompatibility in personalities. That is trickly, I don’t know what I would suggest… Maybe still put your foot down though, tell her you’ll never be close, so everyone should just try to be civil and stop trying to make the relationship into something it’s not.
Post # 10
Few times a week. My dad and I text every day though.
Post # 11
I talk or text my mom every day – or once every two days. I usually don’t go more than one day of not talking to her.
I’m not super close to her, but I know it means a lot to her to hear from me, and I make the effort accordingly.
It’s taken me a LONG time to not be resentful of this (her wanting to talk to me and me not wanting to) but I’ve come to appreciate the times I can chat with her. Granted, not every conversation is a great one – but I know I’ll miss them when she’s not around.
Post # 12
I am extreemly close to my mom – we talk every day (on my way home from work usually). We talk about what happened that day – conversation ranges from 1-20 minutes on average.
I talk to my dad once a week or so.
Post # 13
my mom and I email constantly at work– and I probably talk on the phone with her 2-3x a week. I talk with my dad about once a week and my sister every other day or so. We communicate a lot apparently!
Post # 14
I email my mom more than talking but I would say once or twice a week. My dad, maybe once or twice a month. He loves far so I dont see him as often as my mom.
I should be calling my mom more often but to be honest, I am not a phone person.
Post # 15
I don’t talk to my Dad very often but I do talk to my Mom most days.
Post # 16
not very often. Maybe once or twice a month.