Post # 1
- Wedding: April 2015 - City Hall NYC
My mother drives me bananas about visiting her and calling her. If she could have it her way I would still be living home (I am 35 and married). She thinks a good daughter calls her mother like 3 times a day and visits every single weekend for hours at a time. I see my mother about every other weekend and I call her a few times a week. Most of the time she doesnt even answer the phone!! God forbid I dont answer the phone when she calls I get a nasty message. Yesterday she was crying to me about how all of her friends see their kids every weekend and get to see their grandkids once a week also. I dont have any children but I have 2 younger sisters who have kids. My 32 year old sister has 3 kids and my mom sees them maybe once a month if that much. I understand shes upset with that sister but dont take it out on me!!! The other sister is 22 and has a daughter and they live at home with my mom! My mother is always crying about how she never ever ever sees me for months, which is so untrue. She convienently forgets how often I am over. I told her I am going to start logging my visits. I have over and over and over explained to her that I am 35 and married and have a life of my own. I work Mon-Fri, leave for work at 6am and dont get home till 6pm so on the weekends I have things I need to do like clean my house, laundry etc.
Am I being a horrible daughter for not visitng my mother every single weekend? Or am I completely normal and shes insane? Please help me because of course I always feel terribly guilty.
Post # 2
Your mom sounds annoying and needy. I do see my mom about once a week and talk to her nearly every day. But my mom doesn’t bug me or guilt me.
Post # 3
I live about 45 minutes away from my parents. I might drive down to visit them about once a month or so. My mom and I talk almost daily via e-mail while we’re working, and the random phone call about once a week.
When I first moved to go to college, I had this issue. I’m her only child, so empty nest syndrome was difficult for her. I basically had to tell her that we’d talk as often as she’d like, but that I wasn’t spending every weekend going home for a visit. lol
Post # 4
There’s no correct answer, as well you know. Talk to your mom about healthy boundaries for your situation and then follow that.
I’ve visited my mom’s grave on average every other year.
Best Wishes as you and your mom find a good balance.
Post # 5
I’m probably an odd duck, but I visit my mom often. Probably twice a week. She’s my best friend. We are extremely close. LOL I get anxious if we go to long without seeing face to face. We do talk everyday too.
Post # 6
My mother lives in another city (about 4 hours away), so I see her a few times a year.
Post # 7
This sounds terrible… I see my mom Mon-Fri because we work together. I’d say I see her and my dad once every 3 months and my father and his family around the same. My Future In-Laws I see weekly, sometimes more, but they live 10 minutes down the same road as my home and my folks all live around an hour and 15 minutes away.
You’re normal and she’s insane, but the guilt she’s piling on does terrible things to your mental state. Keep up on doing what you’re doing, you have to live your life and she needs to let go and understand. She sounds lonely.
Post # 8
AmandaLeigh731: Sorry, but she’s emotionally manipulative. She probably doesn’t even see that she is. You spend a LOT of time with her. My mom lives across the country, but even if I were nearby she wouldn’t have that much time to spare for me! She volunteers and a few different places. Your mom needs hobbies, friends, and things to do!
Post # 9
AmandaLeigh731: I see my mom about once, maybe twice a year. Granted I live a 3 hour plane ride away. I went home a few weeks ago for the first time in 2 years (she’s been here several times in that 2 years for a variety of reasons). I talk to her every couple of weeks. It used to be every Sunday night but her schedule’s gotten funny at work and with the time difference it doesn’t always work out. I’m 32 and have been living away from home since I was 18.
Post # 10
AmandaLeigh731: How far away do you live from your mom?
AFM I visit my mom a couple times a week. Granted she is my best friend so she doesn’t get on my nerves.
Post # 11
My Mom lives over 900 miles away from me so I don’t get to see her nearly as much as I would want. We go maybe 3 months between one of us visiting the other. I talk to her 2-3 times a day on average. If I lived close to her I would probably see her all the time. But then again my Mom is my best friend so there is that.
I think you need to have a talk with your Mom about the guilt she is putting on you. And whenever she makes a comment about how she never sees you, you need to come up with a general statement like “Mom, I do not appreciate that comment. I talk and see you on a regular basis and you know it, so please stop with the guilt trip.”
Post # 12
If my mother showed up (she’s not supposed to know where I live) I would lock the door and call the police. So I guess that’s a never from me.
Post # 13
I would give anything to live closer to my mom. We live 23hrs flying time away. So it’s an entire day of travelling in order to see her & my dad. I’m so close with them, so I struggle with living on the other side of the world. We skype almost daily & whatsapp too.
Post # 15
Haven’t seen or spoken to that crazy bitch in 8+ years, and it’s fantastic.