Post # 1
I am curious to know of often your SO goes out without you. Whether it be going over to a friend’s house or out to bars with friends. Do you guys have kids or no?
The reason I ask is because lately my SO has been going to his friends house and out a lot more lately. Like from 2-3 times a month to 3-4 times a week. Nothing between us has changed from what I know. His schedule has recently opened up and now he has more free nights. I guess because of this, he’s been hanging out with his friends a lot more. Sometimes he gets home at 10-11pm. Sometimes he gets home at 2am on the weekends. I don’t feel like he doing anything sketchy. It’s more just the growing frequency of it. I think I’m just not used to it, bc I’ve become so used to having him around the house or knowing he’s home and now he’s often gone.
Is this normal for me to feel this way? Is 3-4 times a week too much? I honestly am not sure bc I have never had to deal with this with him (or anyone. I’ve never lived with anyone else and this is my longest realtionship so it’s different) before.
Post # 2
We usually go out together because we have lot of mutual friends. We might do this once every other weekend or so. He’ll probably hang out with people from work or his friends from back in the day once a month or so. Same for me – we’re just homebodies. No kids.
Post # 3
Almost never, as most of our friends are mutual friends. It wouldn’t bother me if he did, but 3-4 nights a week does seem excessive. Are you home most/every night? If not, I get why he’d want to go out, but if you’re home (and free to spend time with him), it seems odd. Especially because it wasn’t a major deal until recently. Honestly, I would be a little concerned that either he was doing something he wasn’t supposed to be or that he was unhappy in the relationship and is going out more often to avoid spending time at home. I hope I’m wrong, but it’s absolutely worth a discussion!
Post # 4
We don’t have kids, and DH does not go out very often without me. That’s mostly because all of his friends are married with kids and when he spends time with them, everyone brings their families. He does go on 1-2 trips per year with his best friends.
I go out without him 1-2x per week – every Wednesday and sometimes on a Sunday or something. However, I just go to dinner or a move with my girlfriends and I never come home late.
I think we’d both be unhappy with 3-4x a week, but I suppose it depends on the situation. Are you sitting at home when he goes out?
Post # 5
- Wedding: September 2005 - A Castle
At the most, it was 3-4 times a week and I found it excessive. Softball league, bowling league, golf on weekends…and yes, we have 3 kids. I was not a happy camper. How did it change? All of that is expensive and I told him to pick one.
Post # 6
DH plays volleyball for about 2 hours 2 nights per week. Then, he usually goes out Friday or Saturday (I’m invited to almost everything he does but rarely go). It does get to be too much sometimes so when that happens I just let him know and he usually skips the weekend outings.
I think in most relationships 3-4 times a week is excessive, especially since it wasn’t always like this. Talk to him about it if you want to spend more time with him.
ETA: we do not have kids. I would probably ask him to limit it to one night a week or less if we did.
Post # 7
- Wedding: November 2009 - New York, NY
DH doesn’t like to go out without me and he has barely done it in our 25 yrs together.
Post # 8
3-4 nights a week def sounds excessive. He’s spending more time with other people than he is with you.
Fiance and I usually go out together as now all of our friends are mutual friends. During the summer/fall he goes out on late night bike rides once a week, and I go out w girlfriends maybe once a month.
Post # 9
We have one child together.
On average, he meets his friend for like 45 minutes or so 4x a week–usually when he picks up grocery, he’ll stop by and chitchat with his friends (they work close to the grocery store).
If more than 3 hours hang out session, it’s usually like 1x a month.
In the last year, he’s only come home early AM without me once.
I usually go out even less than that–I love my house. I’m currently studying for another certification so my “free” time is spent studying/reading. 🙂 During weekdays, I take random lunch dates with my girlfriends like 2x a week.
Hmmm I would mind the 3 to 4x a week depending on how LONG these sessions are. If it’s averaging 3 hours–that’s 12 hours a week that’s taken up. In a given week, we don’t really have a lot of free time if you take out basic time-eaters (sleeping, commute, work, eating) and he wants to spend almost 1/2 of that free time with friends. I would take offense if he’s not spending that much time hanging out with you.
Post # 10
My SO is gone all week so the only time we have together is weekends, we sometimes go out together for dinner or a game night with mutual friends every couple of months. He goes over to a friends house for a sports drafts for his fantasy team about four times a year. I consider myself lucky cause to be honest with the short period of time we have together in month I don’t think I would tolerate it well if he went out every weekend with friends.
Post # 11
My fiance participates in game nights at work one or twice a week and sometimes does a happy hour once a month. He also does game tournaments at a shop from time to time. It’s his hobby, so I don’t mind. He is usually home before 9pm and is communicative about his whereabouts. No kids.
Post # 12
I go out 2 or 3 times a week and spend the night. DH works a very social job and works evenings, so he doesn’t go out often, but he has friends over (sometimes for several days) two or three times a month.
We rarely go out together. Maybe twice a month.
Post # 13
We have more mutual friends since we moved from the UK, so mostly we go out together – unless he has football / training and goes to the pub afterwards, there are of course ocassions when we wont go out together or i will see friends and he will do his own thing.
Previously, we had more seperate groups, and would do our own thing 1-2 tmes a week, it was a good balance and we always let eachother know our plans, and if some weeks we had more ‘seperate time’ we would make up for it on other days.
Post # 14
We don’t have any kids as well. It’s only been happening the last 2-3 weeks. He works in a kitchen and for years he has had an all day- all night work schedule Monday-Thursday, and Friday -sun night he was free so that was when we would do things or just sit at home. But now he has finally managed to get all nights free so he’s been taking advantage of this to go see his really good, childhood friends he never had time to see before. He’s mainly just goes over there to play video games or just hang out with them. I know he’s enjoying his newfound freedom and now being able to see his friends. We see each other all the other nights so he’s still spending most of his time with me. I go out about half as much as he does, sometimes less because I am in school and I am usually doing my schoolwork after I get home from my full time job.
Since it’s been happening recently, I was going to give it time to see if it continues or if he gets burnt out soon on his own. He seems so happy to now be able to see his friends during the week that I don’t want to bring down his parade. He said he’s happy about seeing them bc he never gets to see them on the weekend bc they have girlfriends they spend time with as well.
Like I said, I just want to see if it continues And if so, I have to think about how I really feel about it and see where that goes bc if it continues, I do feel 3-4x a week can be excessive. i just don’t want to feel like I’m controlling him or holding him back from what he wants to do with his free time.
Post # 15
Also, to add. He does always tell me where he’s going, when he will be back, or when he’s on his way home, etc. He does this on his own without me asking, which is nice. When he’s home, he’s very affectionate and loving, like his normal self.