(Closed) How often to visit the parents?

posted 8 years ago in Married Life
Post # 17
Member
378 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

@kay01:  I don’t really think about that because I doubt that I’ll ever put myself in a situation where I’m that far away from my family. I’m not judging or anything, my dad moved clear across the country and only saw his parents once every few years. It worked for him but that definitely wouldn’t work for me. I’m extremely close to my mom, and like I said, can’t imagine things being any different than they are now.

Post # 18
Member
2336 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

@BruinBeeMPH:  Fair enough, but not all bees have that choice.  For example, when I choose my college, my parents told me they thought they’d be in New England, specifically NH next.  (Dad was a Coast Guard officer.)  I picked a New Husband college and they ended up staying in a different part of California for 6 more years and I got to pay a whole lotta money as a college student/broke graduate to fly back and visit them…  Post college, I moved to Boston to get a job.  After a few years, they retired to a small town with no jobs.  Or in DH’s case, his dad moved away and he obviously can’t live near both parents as a result.

Bees move to be near their partner’s family, ill people, where the job/school that they got into is, etc.  Even if a bee doesn’t move, families move as well.  So I guess I’m just suggesting that you try to put yourself in the other bee’s shoes.  How often do you visit your dad?

Post # 19
Member
378 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

@kay01:  I don’t. We live in the same city, ironically. We haven’t talked in about 6 years. It’s not that I’m having trouble putting myself in anyone else’s shoes, I’m just saying for me it’s not an issue. I was just answering the question “How often do you see your parents?” 🙂

Post # 20
Member
7813 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

@kay01:  I guess I see it differently. I have the rest of my life to be with my Fiance and I have maybe 10 or so more years with my parents. I’m not wasting any of it. Fiance and I both feel it’s a priority so we are happy to see them often. It works for us. You’re right though, it shouldn’t make me sad – they aren’t my parents 😛

Post # 21
Member
1455 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

My family is 5 minutes away. I work with my mom and we go over there for Sunday night dinners almost every Sunday.

DH’s family is an hour and a half plane ride or 10 hour drive away, and last year we flew back almost every other month. Now that we are having a baby, it’s going to make it a little more difficult. We promised to go back twice a year (around the holidays and May) and they will come Febuary and Summer. 

It’s hard because I think his momma gets her feelings hurt that we have created a life here. I feel bad. :(. I wish we all lived in the same town.

Post # 22
Member
858 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I see my parents almost every weekend. They live about 15 mintues from us. Also my father in law lives about 30 mintues from us so hubby sees him almost once a week. My mother in law and step father in law live in florida so the last time we saw them was at our wedding. We are going down to see them for x-mas this year. 🙂 

Post # 23
Member
996 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

My mom lives 15 minutes away and I see her maybe once a month. She works 2 jobs & is really busy during the week. DH & I are out of town most weekends. F/MIL live 70 miles away and we’ve been on vacation with them the past 3 weekends in a row, for a total of 11 of the past 17 days & we are going to see them on the 4th of July (we are parking at their house and taking the train to the airport for vacation.) They travel a LOT & to see them this much in 2 weeks is out of the ordinary. I’d say we average seeing them 1/month for a half day/meal. 

Post # 24
Member
4090 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

In my entire 14 years of living out of state, I have visited home twice a year on average (it requires a flight).  Normally I have made the trek alone.  My H has been out twice total in our 5 year history together.  So that would be 2/10 trips.

Since my entire family has not seen me get married TWICE now which is just plain odd to me, I really wanted to curb my visits home.  Maybe out of spite – but why should I have to do all the traveling year after year?  So maybe that will go down to 1x a year now.  I don’t know, it’s hard because I have nieces and nephews too and they are all little.  I’ll probably resume my 2x a year because I’m a creature of habit I guess.  I do not drag H along becuase I don’t want him to endure my family.

My mom did come visit me after the wedding.  I think it was like a make up visit, “sorry I didn’t go to your wedding again.”  Because I told them how disappointed I was in them.  Now she wants the come out again in September.  I am not sure what to think.  Kind of too little too late for me.

We both go visit H’s parents for Christmas (also requires a flight).  Every other year his family does a vacation together on Orcas Island (they own a home there – nice!).  Sometimes they drive their RV to stay with us.  They know how to travel and they are retired.

Post # 25
Member
1074 posts
Bumble bee

@sienna76:  The whole retired thing is one of the hard parts for me too! DH and I both work, he’s in school, we’re trying desperately to save for a house and a baby, etc. You know, the pretty typical newlywed story. The family we’re always obligated to visit are mostly retired or semi-retired, they have nothing but time on their hands, they ALL have campers and RVs and they still couldn’t manage to make the drive for our wedding. We go there at least six times a year, they can’t make it once for our wedding? Granted, most of his siblings managed to make it for the wedding but it just sort of boggles my mind that the visiting 100% up to us.

Post # 26
Member
4090 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@artichokey:  OMG You had the same situation?  They did not go to your wedding either?  I even tried to entice them will all expenses paid food/lodging/shuttle for three days if they just got the tickets.

 

Then my mom went on vacation to Florida (by plane!) just 4 months after I tried to get her to come to our wedding.  I told her that looks really bad you know.  Then she finally flew out to me in April.  It was too soon for me.  She wants to come back in Sept.  Ugh.  I guess that’s what I wanted?  I don’t know.  I think she just wants a free vacation.

 

Post # 27
Member
1074 posts
Bumble bee

@sienna76:  Yep. Most of his family didn’t even RSVP, they just didn’t show up. His aunt handed us a check when we visited four months later, and his grandma gave us a box of wine glasses wrapped in newspaper. I think they must have come from a rummage sale because they didn’t have packaging at all. That was the full extent of their involvement. We probably invited 25 of his aunts/uncles/cousins…and this is a pretty close knit family. I see these people pretty much every time we’re there because they do EVERYTHING together so none of them bothering to come was sort of shocking. The best part is, it’s totally either because they don’t like me, or they don’t like either of us enough to drive out. His brother’s wedding is next weekend back in their hometown and you can bet your boots the whole family will be there. Mine just wasn’t “real” enough for them, or something. Ugh.

Post # 28
Member
279 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

Gosh.  I can’t imagine only seeing my parents and/or my in-laws a few times a year.  That’s just sad to me.  My parents live 20 minutes from us and his parents live 5 minutes from us.  Obviously, we see each other all the time… probably 2-3 times a month, or more, depending on birthdays, holidays, special occasions, etc.  And, most of our extended families also live in the area as well.  We love our families and would be devestated if we ever had to move out of state away from them.

The topic ‘How often to visit the parents?’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors