(Closed) How Old is 'Too Old' to have your first child?

posted 9 years ago in Babies
  • poll: How Old is 'Too Old' to start having kids?

    25

    30

    35

    40

    45

    50

    55

    60

    65

  • Post # 32
    Member
    276 posts
    Helper bee

    @SnurfMurph86:  Average age is 51. But many women go into this pre-menopausal stage where you get a period like once every couple months vs every month.

    Post # 33
    Member
    666 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    @SnurfMurph86:  Of course everyone has a different plan, but I definitely do still think there’s a stigma against older parents. I’m just offering my experience in case anyone feels badly seeing that the majority think over 40 is “too old.”

    Post # 34
    Member
    1781 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

    Just a bit of perspective from one who was born to older parents.  My dad was 53, and my mom was 38 when I was born.  I spent my entire childhood hearing that my dad MIGHT not make it to certain key future events in my life.  ‘You’ll be lucky if your dad makes it to your HS graduation, college graduation, wedding, etc’.  They weren’t doing it to be jerks, it was to provide a realistic expectation, keeping in mind the average life expectancy.  It’s a lot to tell a kid that you probably won’t be there for your grandchildren, that it might not be practical to expect them to walk you down the aisle.  And when every holiday might be the last one together, it changes the relationship.

    Also, it’s challenging to say the least to try and have any kind of mother-daughter relationship when the daughter is entering puberty at the same time the mother is entering menopause.  That’s a whole lot of unpleasant hormones running rampant.

    I’m not saying don’t do it, and I’m not judging anyone who does.  But it’s something to keep in mind.

    Post # 35
    Member
    21 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: March 2015

    I voted 50 because most women become infertile around then. My real answer would be when you become infertile.

     

    I’m 35 now. I remember when I was in my 20s I always thought I’d have all of my kids by now. Life had other plans though! My fiance and I are planning to start TTC in January of next year. I have hope…my grandmother had my uncle at age 45. I trust that if it’s meant to be for us, it will happen. 🙂

    Post # 36
    Member
    7553 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: April 2019

    For me I think I would stop trying for my first child after 40 if it hadn’t happened yet. But I want to start having kids in my late 20s (I am almost 23 now). For other women it’s whatever age works for them.

    Post # 37
    Member
    875 posts
    Busy bee

    I don’t think there’s a limit. While I personally think that anything past 50 is beginning to push it if you’re planning on becoming a biological mother, I don’t have a problem with it (although I would never see myself having a child that late personally).

    From a purely ethical standpoint,  I would take a 56 year old first time mom over a 16 year old first time mom any day. Sure, there’ a higher risk of dying if you’re the 56 year old mom, but given modern life expectancies,  chances are that you will live to see your child turn 20, which isn’t too bad. Besides, the older mom will have more life experience than a teen mom. Financially, it’s not a big difference between the two scenarios – worrying about retirement with a baby is about the same as getting a job after school when you’re in high school. (Of course, chances are that the teen will have family to help out, but both cases aren’t ideal on their own).

    However, my experience is pretty biased toward older moms (albeit not 45+ year old first time moms). Both sets of my grandparents were at least 30 when my parents (both youngest children) were born, and my parents were in their mid thirties with me, and I was a youngest child. Those experiences makes me think that having a baby past 35 isn’t scary in the least, and I honestly don’t worry about the child’s lower chance of having living grandparents (in fact, the common sight of seeing your grandchild get married is pretty hard for me to imagine, since the only grandparent I knew was in his mid-eighties bt the time I could remember him).

    However, people can make their own reproductive decisions. IMO, my opinion on not seeing a strict age limit on having children is pretty unusual, so deciding to stop at 35 or 40 isn’t a problem if it’s someone else’s decision. 

    Post # 39
    Member
    6414 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: June 2012

    @somethingaquamarine:  no because the poll asked “poll: How Old is ‘Too Old’ to start having kids?” and my Dh is getting snipped at 29. =)

    Post # 40
    Member
    1811 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    As a special ed teacher…I’ve read and heard too much in classes about the danger of having children later in life. Personally, if I didn’t conceive by 35 I’m pretty sure I’d stop trying…the incidence of Down Syndrome sky rockets after 35, and by 40…forget about it. I’d ideally like to have my first by 31, then 2nd by 34 and be done. 

     

    Post # 41
    Member
    6414 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: June 2012

    @MrsRugbee:  the door is closed at 29. I already have 1 child so it would be okay if were not able to have another within the next year and change. 

    Post # 42
    Member
    5708 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: July 2012

    As a woman I would stop before 40, but I pretty sure had I been trying a long time I would have given up by that point or found an alternative,

    As for men, I think it is acceptable to be 40 or a little older. My dad was 38 when my brother was born, and I don’t think of him as a old dad or anything. We kept him young!

    Post # 43
    Member
    3338 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    We’ll be one and done by 35 if I am lucky enough to get pregnant.  I probably won’t start trying until next year, I’ll be 32.  I don’t want more than one kid.  And I am trying to finish up graduate school.

    Post # 44
    Member
    107 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: May 2013

    @justjade:  I didn’t partake in the poll because I feel it’s personal ( when you are ready mentally, financially, time wise, etc), but I was talking to my older sister the other day (I’m 21 and she is 30) who had her first baby 2 years ago in March and she informed me that it gets more difficult to conceive after 30. The tried for 3 years before that to get pregnant, but it took forever (and they originally wanted 5 kids, so they’re off to a late start!) 

     

    Since my Fi is 5 years older than me, my sister just said he won’t have issues, but my body might so to do it before 30. Something to think about lol (: 

     

    Hope this helps!

    Post # 45
    Member
    977 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: December 2018

    @justjade:  I think it’s a personal decision and different for every couple. You have to weigh the pros and cons (the risk of birth defects, financial stability, giving up *freedom*, the place you’re at in your relationship…). There are so many competiting factors and like you said, you know what they say about the best laid plans.

    In my original plan for myself, I would have had kids by now. I am so grateful (most days) that I don’t because now I have a strong career and am in a great place to welcome kids into the fold. That wasn’t the case when I was in my early 20s (I’m 25 now). Our personal cut off date is 35. If we don’t end up getting our acts into gear by then, we will remain DINKs.

    Post # 46
    Member
    2292 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: March 2014

    There have been lots of threads about this recently. I feel like these threads are indirectly designed to make women who are over 30 feel like shit for deciding to have kids. As if you are putting your future child at risk. Hopefully no one voting 30 will have trouble conceiving and be forced to stop at such a young age because of an ideal. 

     

     

     

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