(Closed) How old were you and how long were you dating before setting a timeline? Advice?

posted 9 years ago in Waiting
Post # 32
Member
728 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

When we were 23 and 24 we had been dating for 5 years we know we wanted to get married but decided to use our savings for a house downpayment instead of a wedding, then get married the next year.  He proposed about six months after we moved to our house.

Post # 33
Member
144 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

We were young when we started dateing (I was 17 and he was 18) we are now 24 and 25. We also have been living together for alomst 3 years. He came with me when I moved half way across the country for school. We have known that we would get married ecventually for a long time (syaing things like “when we are married…”). However we never really talked about it until last christmas, about 6 and a half years into our relationship. He told me that he had a big surprise for me. I told my friends and they all immediatly said it would be a ring (it wasnt) That was the point that I really started to think about it in more then an abstract way. I realized that i really wnated it to be a ring, but knew that it most likely woulnd not be. I got very upset and I told him about it and he asked me if I was upset because I was afried he was going to ask me and i wanst ready. I told him that i was upset because I had realized that i wanted it to be a ring. 

He has since told me that he wants to wait untill I am finished law school before he asks me (at this point he better be outside my exam door in april with a ring.. lol). 

 

Post # 34
Member
1035 posts
Bumble bee

We started talking about it seriously last year when I was 24 and he was 30. I was in the process of  finishing school. We have been together for five and a half years. Now that I finally have a job he said to keep my eyes open for next year! I’m hoping it will be by July because we would like to keep our anniversary in the same month as it is now. I can’t wiat for next year!

 

Post # 35
Member
29 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: March 2014 - Aliso Viejo Conference Center

SO and I must be one in a million lol. Currently both SO and I are 21. We started dating when we were 18 & 19. We had been friends for 5 years prior so we did have a history. At one yea. SO and I both knew we wanted to get married but we had a few other things we wante to accomplish first (finishing school, career, etc). SO let me know the other day that he had bought a ring. We have been dating for about 2 years and 8 months. We aren’t living together yet (we are waiting until after we are married). 

Post # 36
Member
1311 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

My boyfriend and I have been dating since we were both 19 (this past fall was our fifth anniversary). He told me he loved me before we were officially a couple and we knew we were going to get married someday soon after we started dating. I don’t know how we were so certain, we just were.

That said, we were both in college and knew we wanted to wait until we were settled before taking that step. He finished Grad School the same month I finished my Undergrad degree. By that time, he had been hired by the Accounting firm he’s with right now and this past summer he became a CPA. He told me that he wanted to get all that out of the way so when we are ready to get engaged (which he said he wants to do next month) he can really focus and enjoy that period of our lives. . . except when it’s Tax Season!

And you know what? It sucks having to wait, but I am extremely grateful that we did. And I’m even more grateful that he was responsible and got so much accomplished in the past few years. Now when he proposes, I know that I won’t hesitate to say yes because we’re financially secure and we’re emotionally ready for that next step.

Honestly though, your boyfriend sounds like he’s being very mature and responsible. When you get married it can make it tougher to do certain things. Does he want to earn a degree? Does he want to live abroad for a bit? Does he want to switch careers? Does he want to start his own business? Does he want to travel the world or go skydiving or swim with Great White Sharks? Some of those are kind of stupid (I’m terrified of sharks, so that’s referring to the last one), but you get the idea. When you promise to love and live with another person the rest of your life it means you no longer get to do whatever you want whenever you want.

I’d say you should discusss it with him in a calm and rational manner. Don’t cry and don’t get emotional. Just tell him that marriage is important to you and you’d like to know if it is to him as well. See what he says. If he tells you that he does want to get married to you in the future, then let it go for now and revisit it in a year or two. Do your best not to pressure him into making a decision.

You are the same age as me (1988 babies are the best). 24 is still so young and there is still so much time left for you to worry about marriage. Do your best to live in the present for now. If he wants to get married to you he will listen to your concerns, try to accomodate them, and let you know when the time is right. And if you want to marry him, you’ll say yes. Smile

Post # 37
Member
2865 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: City, State

I was 25 and Fiance was 29. After about 6 months Fiance said that a year from now we would discuss engagement– it would be a get engaged or break up, but not drag it out forever. We re-discussed it 10 months later and set an 8 week timeline and got engaged.

I made it clear that I wasn’t interested in a fling– if it wasn’t forever, we should go our separate way. He felt the same. I also said if we weren’t engaged, I would start applying to out of state grad schools (where he couldn’t work). If we were engaged, I would stay in my city,

Post # 38
Member
34 posts
Newbee

We arent engaged just yet but we are going on 7 years and 4 of those we have lived together.. We discussed getting married when we moved in together because we are both very well established financially and within our relationship. 4 years later its getting to be really serious (any day now) He is-25- and I am -23-. 

In my personal opinion, I think you know when the time is right. And it is your choice whether or not you stick it through with him to see if he follows through with marriage but coming from somebody who has waited 7 years already, I wouldnt trade those years with him for nothing! We really got to know eachother and grow together without worrying about a piece of paper and changing my last name. I guess what I am saying is enjoy the relatioship, your time will come when it is right. Dont push him or youll always wonder if hes doing it because you said so or because he really wants to. 🙂 

 

Post # 39
Member
1103 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

I was 21 and my SO was 19 when he told me he wanted us to get engaged on our 2 year anniversary. I didn’t feel I was ready so we pushed it back to last spring. Then that came and went and I was having a horrible time adjusting to my new job and surroundings, so we decided it would be best to wait till I was in a happy place before getting engaged. So my SO then told me he wanted to do it at the end of this year.

Post # 40
Member
1149 posts
Bumble bee

@grignardreagent:  6/7 mnths and I was 27 (it was a month after my birthday and a month before his 26th). It is now 5 months later and Feb is my timeline date. Whe I was your age marriage and relationships were not on my mind at all. When I met him this clearly changed so I would say your timeline and age of readiness is unique to you.

Post # 41
Member
636 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

@grignardreagent:  I’m 22 and SO is 24, have been dating for a year,have been friends for a year and 4 months and have lived together for 3 months.

he told me he wanted to marry me after when he took me home to met his family this summer.

he said he wanted to get married after he finishes grad school, so summer 2014. wanted to propose at Christmas but I felt like waiting a bit longer, so I’m guessing we will get engaged next year. 

I don’t think you should worry too much about your SO, he is still very young (I always feel like my SO is an exception since most guys his age seem to have no interest in marriage yet)and as someone said above he may be scared that after the wedding you will want kids very soon and he doesn’t feel ready for that. I know quite a few guys like that!

Post # 42
Member
195 posts
Blushing bee

My sister set a timeline… they started dating young but she said if they werent engaged by year 4 she was leaving… welp the were engaged year 4 and married year 5 at 24. It worked for her. 

Post # 43
Member
696 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

I think the right time to have this conversation depends a lot on your specific relationship… My SO and I began saying we wanted to someday be married to one another after about 6 or 8 months of dating, we clarified that we were both very serious about this after about 1 year, and around the 2 year mark we had a specific timeline conversation. At the time, we were 25 and 33. I think the only reason we hadn’t spoken about it sooner was because it was implied that we would have to wait for financial reasons (we bought a house… houses are expensive), but my SO had been talking about marriage a lot more than usual at that point and we had a heart to heart about when we wanted this to happen and what our goals to get us to that point would be. We established a rough timeline of becoming engaged within 12 months or so, and marriage within 2 years of that conversation.

When I write it out, it sounds like I waited a long time to bring up “the timeline conversation”, but we had been communicating bits and pieces of that conversation starting about 6 months into the relationship at ages 23 and 31. I’ve never been super into the idea of getting engaged and married extremely quickly within a relationship, but if I had been I could see having had that conversation sooner than we did. And I think if my SO hadn’t been so vocal about his intentions to marry me (he told my dad before we had our timeline conversation), that I would have wanted to have spoken to him about this before that point to get some reassurance that we were on the same page. He’d admitted to almost having spontaneously proposed in the past, but had held off when he realized getting married at that point wasn’t practical. But we’re pretty good at communicating with one another, so the “official” timeline conversation ended up just being a way to clarify our thoughts and expectations regarding this process and putting specifics onto the timing.

Post # 44
Member
2529 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

OK, so, we are 25 (me) and 40 (him). Neither of us has ever been married or engaged before. We have been together for a few months short of 4 years, and our first serious talk about marriage/tentative timeline was last summer– so that happened after a little over 3 years. We would make casual references to wanting to be together forever, or weddings, or engagement beforehand, but only very casually.

As of now we do not have an official timeline, but I think he knows that I won’t wait longer than 5 years (of us being together) without being REEAALLY unhappy about it, and that I want to be married before having children, and that I want to start trying for babies around the time I’m 30. And the ring/wedding talk has been up lately 🙂 –he actually has been bringing up ring stuff, and things about “our wedding,” on his own lately! EEE! But I don’t seriously think engagement will happen for at least a year.

Post # 45
Member
296 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I’m 27 and my SO is 32, we’ve been dating for about 1 year, 2 monts now.  About 11 months in we had a discussion about getting engaged / married and sort of have a loose timeline for sometime before this coming summer.  This seems like really soon for both of us, there are outside pressures and reasons for rushing and while we’re both 100% sure that this is going to last, if circumstances were different, we probably wouldn’t have had that discussion or loose timeline yet.  In all likelihood, we’ll probably get engaged at 18 months and married a little after 3 years.

Post # 46
Member
910 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

I guess we are old folks who were together a long time before we were engaged hahaha. I am 28 and he is 27 and we were together almost 4 years before he finally proposed:) LOL

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