(Closed) How old were you and how long were you dating before setting a timeline? Advice?

posted 9 years ago in Waiting
Post # 47
237 posts
Helper bee

I am 19 and SO is 20. When we got engaged we had been dating for 3+ years and had been planning on getting engaged after I graduated at around 2.5 years of dating. 

Post # 48
540 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I never thought I would have a timeline with someone “propose by 3rd anniversary or i’m out..” I was 18 and my FH was 32 when we started dating. Things moved fast and we got engaged a month before our 2nd anniversary. 

Casual Dates, September 2010

Offically Dating, November 21st, 2010

Living together, May, 2011

Engaged, October 14th, 2012

We talked about getting engaged the moment I moved in, if not sooner. Which made me frustrated because he never actually did what he said he was going to do (proposing wise, timeline) although I wasn’t in a rush, I was still young. 

If sounds like your guy is a little confused. Maybe try giving him a deadline and sees what he says about it?

Post # 49
237 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

We started dating at 16, we’ve been together for over 10 years now. We were engaged in September of this past year. I never had any intention of setting a deadline. Yes as more and more of our friends were getting engaged I was starting to get antsy but I knew it would be coming when he was ready and able to afford an amazing ring. 

I think the reason that I wasn’t in a rush to get married/engaged is that we don’t planning on having children. My internal clock doesn’t tick.

Post # 50
408 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2016

We started dating when I was 20 and he was 22. Now I’m 23 and he’s turning 26 next month. After my 23rd birthday (about 4 months shy of our 3 year dating anniversary) he started making jokes about getting married. That’s when I found this site, the gears in my head started spinning, and I started overanalyzing everything lol After about 2 months of driving myself crazy, I asked him if he saw himself marrying me and when, and he said in a year or 2. So I consider that our loose timeline conversation. Since then he’s said that after he gets his own apartment the next step would be to get engaged, but considering I’m in school in another state that might be a problem. So after almost 3 years of dating in our early to mid twenties, we have a timeline but it’s not concrete. Although I have my bad waiting days, most of the time I’m pretty okay with it =] 

Post # 51
875 posts
Busy bee

@MadameX:  +1, especially the part about it varying from relationship to relationship!

I started dating DBF around eight months ago, when I was 17 and he was 16. I told him that I thought he was “the one” around three weeks before we started dating, and it only took him a day or two to realize that I was “the one” for him.

About a month in, we started talking timelines. We both agreed that we could best see us marrying about eight years into our relationship, and maybe having kids three to five years after that (we’re both on the fence about biological children). Engagement is a bit more of a grey area that we haven’t discussed as much, but my best estimate would be about six to seven years in, or five or six years from now. However, something tells me that we’d probably get engaged and married on the earlier side of the timeline, or even a year beforehand. It’s a gut feeling that we won’t wait to be squarely in our mid-twenties to marry for reasons that wouldn’t really matter if we had known we were headed toward marriage from the very beginning.

We probably ended up talking timelines so early because I was about a month from graduating high school when we started dating, and I knew I was going away to college. Since we were going long-distance, timelines became essential to give us an idea of our shared future.

And on a sidenote, this thread makes me realize how heavily unusual my relationship is. DBF and I the sort that hold beliefs that would discourage us from marrying early…we are liberal and very secular, and DBF is also from a culture that tends to marry somewhat later than the average across the United States. ๐Ÿ˜›

Post # 52
189 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

I was 31 and my SO was 30 and we had been together for 2 years when I set the time line.  I gave him a year to propose.  I did this because I had made the choice to move 1.5 hours north to live with him.  I told him I loved him but since I was making a big sacrifice to move our relationship forward I wanted a commitment.  I was honest and he was okay with it.  He proposed 3 months later.  ๐Ÿ™‚


Post # 53
1286 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

There’s a key difference between a man WANTING to get married to you and being READY to get married.  Your SO can probably see himself getting married to you, but in the far future.  Marriage is a huge thing, you guys are young, and he’s simply saying that he’s not ready to marry you (or probably anyone else for that matter) until he’s got all his marbles together. 

I wouldn’t take his words too seriously.  It’s easy to say I love you, I want to marry you, etc. but actions are what show that you mean what you say.  That’s why so many of the waiting bees on here are frustrated with their SOs not making any definite moves towards buying a ring.

I’m 30 (31 in a month) and SO is 31.  We’ve been together 10 months or so and I just told him that I would like to be engaged by the 2 year mark (which is around the end of 2013).  I think he agrees with my implied timeline.  I don’t like to talk about it since it’s still relatively early in the relationship and I don’t want to pressure him.  But getting engaged by age 32 is important to me because I’d like to have my first baby by age 35 and there’s not alot of time left if you think about another year on top of that until a wedding, at least one year of married life w/o kids, etc. 

Post # 54
4835 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

We started dating when I was 22, we set a timeline when I was 28, we got engaged when I was 28 and we’ll get married when I’m 29.  

Post # 55
2973 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I never set a timeline. My Fiance is 32, and I am 30. We’ve been dating for 6 months and he just proposed on Christmas day. 

However, I’ve been in other relationships for 2.5 years, 4 years, and as long as 6 years. When it’s right, and the right time, it’s right. 

Post # 56
1223 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

We had no time line, I never wanted to talk a ton about “when we get married” since I did not want him to feel pressured, we have been together 4 years and 7 months, he proposed on Jan 8, 2012, we are getting married jan 20, 2013. I knew a proposal was bound to happen when he asked me what I would like to have in regards to a ring, meaning not show me a ring you want just tell me some specifics. So I did, and about 5 months afters that conversation of what style of ring I would like he proposed while we were hiking!

Post # 57
18 posts

I will be 24 and SO will be 23 in 2013, we’ve been dating for 3years and 9months. He asked me to marry him after 8 months of dating (and lived together for 2 months), but he didn’t have a ring and I didn’t want to tell my mom because I didn’t have had a job and didn’t feel ready. After all of that, we decided we were just to young and had a lot of things to take care of so we ended up just dating for the next 3 years trying to get where we wanted to be.

We both know that we want to get married to each other, just today he sent me a text saying “I want to marry you so damn bad” …lol. In his mind there needs to be a ring so he’s waiting to get the money. We have a very small amount of debt from when I was unemployed and we are making payments on a house so it’s been difficult to save up for an extra expense, but it’s just a matter of time now. I’m hoping after tax returns but I know there are a few other things he needs to buy with that money too…so maybe next tax return?! By May of 2014 (my birthday and after tax returns—hopefully much sooner!) it will happen!

I feel like timelines are so difficult because, at least in my experience, something always pops up and changes it. But it is nice to know whether or not you’re on the same page as your SO.

Post # 58
2442 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

We started dating at 29 (me) and 34 (him). We had our first marriage discussion after about a year of dating – and agreed that engagement would happen within a year of that discussion. We got engaged seven months later, right before my 31st birthday. (Although I had a hard time not badgering him about it… Which in hindsight, I regret terribly!) 

Our wedding will be a few days after our third anniversary, so we will be 32 and 37. 

Post # 59
76 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@sweet5k:  crazy. this is exactly my sitation with my SO down to how long we’ve been together (14 months on Jan 4), as well as when we started talking engagement/marriage and our estimated timeline (11 months). I am 28 and he is 34. We plan to be engaged once our finances are both cleaned up which should be around halfway through 2013 (nearly 1.5 years). We’ve not set a wedding date, April 2014 is just an estimate. Your plan sounds very level-headed and logical, if I can say so myself. ๐Ÿ˜‰

Post # 60
397 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

For me fiance and I, it was a little different because we started dating when we were 17. We started talking about marriage casually about 2 years into the relationship but we were only sophmores in college so nothing serious. We started getting more serious about the conversation a year later when we were 20. We ultimately decided that we wanted to graduate college before we got engaged and my Fiance to work for a year and me to get a year of my masters degree under my belt before we got married. We graduated college in May of 2011 (we were both 21 years old) and he proposed in September of 2011 (we had both turned 22 over the summer) and it was a month before our 4 1/2 year anniversery. We originally planned to get married this past summer (August 2012) but a lot of stuff happened and we are finally getting married March 30th, 2013, exactly 1 month before our 6 year anniversery. 

Post # 61
69 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2019 - Italy

We started dating when we were 15 and 16. We always knew that we were the ones for each other but that we also wanted to wait and see what life would bring and if that feeling would ever wither.

We just got engaged at 22 and 24 on our 7 year anniversary (I asked him haha spontaneous surprise!) and will be waiting another 2 years or so to get married. My parents divorced, twice, so I’ve always had a cautious approach to marriage. I figure as long as we’re together and happy it doesn’t matter when we decide to do it ๐Ÿ™‚

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