(Closed) How open are you about your finances (not necessarily wedding related) with others?

posted 6 years ago in Money
Post # 31
Member
556 posts
Busy bee

My family is very warm and close, but my parents never talked about finances in front of us kids and I have followed suit. I actually thought we grew up a lot poorer than we did because my parents only ever talked about how things were a lot of money! I like not talking to anyone but SO about money. It’s comfortable and insulated. 

Post # 32
Member
4025 posts
Honey bee

I don’t discuss salary/incomes with anyone other than my husband. However, I have openly discussed general costs of things like our wedding expenses, some of our monthly bills (i.e., utilities, food budget, etc) and saving strategies when my close friends or co-workers ask. Generally, it’s a discussion about how to better budget and how to save money. I have learned some of my best strategies through casual conversations and I am always happy to share.

Honestly, I think when it is done in a tasteful way (i.e., not bragging or demeaning), it can be very helpful for people to discuss finances. I think part of the reason why Americans in particular are bad with finances as a nation is because we are not open about it. We have minimal educational opportunities and we are closed off to discussing it. I am not saying to talk about everything, but if we all discussed saving, investing, debt repayment and budgeting strategies more, I think we would all be better off. 

Post # 33
Member
2697 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

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mschrdr:  I’m very open about money. Our families know everything.  If I got a good deal on something I love to share the triumph. 

Also, my friends and I are pretty open with salary and expenses. It is very helpful especially with costs related to kids. How much does private school cost, live in help vs hourly etc. Its really helped hubby and I budget.

I’m also happy to discuss what I paid for things, if asked by pretty much anyone. 

I feel the American idea of not discussing money is on par with not discussing sex. How can people learn from,one another without honest open discussion.

  • This reply was modified 6 years, 4 months ago by jily.
Post # 34
Member
2342 posts
Buzzing bee

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bmo88:  +1 I couldn’t agree more. I have learned so much and saved SO MUCH money as a result of talking about finances. I think it’s easier for people to waste money unknowingly if they never discuss finances with peers (again, as long as it’s not in a competitive or braggy way). Talking finances with one friend resulted in me & Fi saving close to $1800 a year on our taxes. 

Post # 35
Member
598 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I am pretty open when it comes to my own finances.  I grew up in a solidly middle class family where I always roughly knew our financial situation. 

  • This reply was modified 6 years, 4 months ago by Arae83.
Post # 36
Member
2392 posts
Buzzing bee

My closest, closest friends, sisters and cousin-who’s-like-a-sister know pretty much everything in ball park terms. We share it all. 

Post # 37
Member
4025 posts
Honey bee

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swonderful:  I agree, we have saved a ton of money on vacations, our wedding expenses, buying our home and a lot of other things by discussing finances. Blogs, websites and books are helpful, but having real discussions can be just as helpful!

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Arae83:  While I understand viewing his pre-marital finances as his own, I personally would want to know my DH’s full financial situation (income, assets, debts). Even if I didn’t have access to it, I think it’s only fair to have full disclosure in a partnership. 

Post # 38
Member
598 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

Editing to remove details.

  • This reply was modified 6 years, 4 months ago by Arae83.
Post # 39
Member
919 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

We are pretty open with our parents, without getting into the specifics. For example, DH is doing an acting assignment at work and because it was relevant, we explained that the salary increase is significant to compensate for the increased expectations. They don’t ask, either.

My father is a little different, he is terrible with money and has flat out asked me my salary, which makes me super uncomfortable.

Otherwise, we might discuss our great mortgage rate or payment plan, but not much more than that. Our parents (exc. my dad) know we put 20% down to avoid CMHC but we wouldn’t tell anyone else.  

Actually, I wouldn’t be uncomfortable telling “my” friends who do fairly well for themselves. I wouldn’t tell “his” friends because I wouldn’t want to a) rub their noses in it or b) make them judge us or think we’re loaded.

Post # 40
Member
664 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

I’m still at a point where I’m not making a lot of money and where I make a lot less than my friends so I have no problem mentioning how much I make. I usually talk about money in terms of what I’ve saved though like I got tickets to the ballet and they only cost $xxx, that kind of thing. (Not that I go to the ballet often.) I love to talk about deals and find ways to save more money or to do cool things for free/cheap. My friends are pretty open about their salaries too but I think it’s cause we’re fairly young and we’re all on the much lower end of the financial spectrum. We like to joke and commiserate about being broke. If I was making six figures, I probably wouldn’t tell anyone though. We don’t talk about savings much though but some of my friends have stocks and they mentioned to me that I should get some and they told me how much theirs cost, etc but I can’t remember now.

I think it’s okay to talk about money as long as it’s in a constructive way and you’re careful about your audience – like you probably shouldn’t mention buying a $3000 designer handbag to someone who’s just struggling to pay rent, etc but you do have to be careful because people get really funny about money (and property). And sometimes people try to take advantage of you if they know you aren’t hurting for cash.

Also like all my friends, I still live with my family (cultural norm, not looked down on here) so they definitely know my financial situation. On the flip side though, I actually don’t keep too close track of my bank accounts (for years, I never even opened my bank statements! – awful I know but I’m working on it) so I couldn’t tell anyone how much I have in savings because I don’t even know off-hand.

Post # 41
Member
555 posts
Busy bee

Funny you ask this today, because I just got hired today (yay) and explicitly told me husband to NOT tell his parents how much I will make! It makes me quite mad that I even have to tell him this, but his family talks a LOT about money and I am sure they would ask him (but not me directly).The money topic cones up a lot in his family, although not much in detail, but they will speculate how much certain family members make etc. I find this so awkward and rude and never participate.

I am raised to not talk about it. It is not necessary and if you really need to know: you don’t need to be a rocket scientist to roughly estimate what a person makes, based on their occupation. From my experience, most people who talk EXCESSIVELY about their own or other finances are either trying to show off or are jealous of someone else’s money. My own parents don’t even know my situation, nor does my sister or friends and I would never even think about asking them about their situation. 

Post # 42
Member
1188 posts
Bumble bee

I literally share everything with the people I’m close with in terms of finances. I’m just an open book about it and so are my friends. We all know how much everyone makes and stuff. But we all went through college together and are still fairly young so maybe that’s why? I’m not sure. But Fiance is super private about anything finance related. It took me so long before I even knew a ballpark figure of his income. I guess I would be upset though if my parents told everyone and their mother about our financial situation. In the end though, I just don’t care all that much about it all. 

Post # 43
Member
576 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

We are very open with our finances when discussing it with my parents. They know our income, our mortgage, even what we have in savings. Money has never been a taboo subject in my family, and I find it helpful to have experienced people to talk to about investments,  home buying, etc. It doesn’t hurt that my Dad is an extremely savvy investor. He was able to retire at age 55, and he and my Mom live a very comfortable life.They just built a new house on their own dime, they don’t owe money to anyone. They’re good people to get advice from, and I know they’ll never judge us, or talk about our finances to anyone. I would be upset if they discussed our finances with anyone else.

My husband’s family doesn’t talk about money at all. They’re like the opposite of my family. I wouldn’t care if they knew our financial situation because we are both good with money, but they just don’t discuss it. It’s funny because my husband is totally open about it. I’ve done his taxes since we first started dating so I know better than he does how much he makes. He also likes talking to my parents about finances,  it’s never bothered him at all.

Post # 44
Member
3107 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2016 - Surfer\'s Beach, Grand Cayman

My dad does my taxes, and I told them how much we bought our house for but they don’t know how much SO makes or our bills or anything.

Post # 45
Member
9565 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2015

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mschrdr:  yeah I think once were married well go to an independant person instead. I’ll miss good old Dad just taking care of it though…he’s really generous with his time- does lots of family members, extended members taxes. I’ve had long stints of self employment and he is the write off master!! He always lessens my bill/gets me a bigger check by soooo much, it’s magic. Magic! But I don’t want my parents know the details of every cent we make combined… When were married I’ll save that for an accountant. His feelings might be hurt though! Lol

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