(Closed) How open are you about your finances (not necessarily wedding related) with others?

posted 6 years ago in Money
Post # 46
Member
2695 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

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mschrdr:  The only time I talk specifics is if I’m comparing something. Like one of my friends and I live close together so the one month we talked about what our hydro bills were. Otherwise I might say things like ‘thank god it’s pay day’, or ‘I’m broke right now’. But that’s more generalizations.

Neither of our parents know specifics about our finances.

Post # 47
Member
3606 posts
Sugar bee

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mschrdr:  My parents know how much we both make, and I believe Future Mother-In-Law and Future Father-In-Law do too. Fiance and I are in the same profession, and salary information is easily available online if you know what to look for, so no point in really hiding it from our parents because they could figure it out in a second if they wanted to. Certain of our friends (the ones who are in the same profession) know what we make because we all make the same thing. It’s a relief sometimes that we can non-awkwardly talk to those friends about money and savings.

My parents are different, though – they are completely closed-book about their finances and what my dad makes. I didn’t know anything about their finances until I was well into my 20s, and only because I had to send their tax returns to someone as part of a package of paperwork.

Post # 49
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1128 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

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mschrdr:  No one know about our finances.  My mom tries sometimes to get things out of me but I just tell her that its private and that she shouldn’t be asking.  I know it sounds bad but I say it in a playful way and she knows that.  In my opinion I don’t think it is anyone’s business how much you or your SO makes or how much you are paying for stuff.  For a while I did tell my family everything about finances and that would always cause me trouble.  So I stopped.  

Post # 50
Member
991 posts
Busy bee

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MrsBuesleBee:  It’s funny because I grew up in a household that was very open about money, whereas my Fiance grew up in a household where his parents didn’t even talk to each other about money.

I see where you’re coming from with the belief that talking about money may be considered rude (It would definately be offputting to hear someone randomly announce, “I make $xx amount of salary!”) but I don’t think there is anything wrong with having open discussions about money with those closest to you.

Post # 51
Member
15513 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

I won’t tell people what we make, but I have no issue with telling them what things like cars and houses cost.  Cost of house and mortgages are public info, so that’s pretty easy to find out anyways if anyone really wanted to know.  Car prices aren’t exactly secret either, so I don’t think that’s a big deal either. 

Post # 52
Member
4693 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I see no merit in sharing financial details with anyone but my husband. I’m sure our families and friends have a general idea of our financial situation and know that we’re comfortable but, its no ones business what we make or what we save and spend.

My husband works in finance and my mom will ask him about the markets and for some guidance with where to invest their RRSPs, or we’ll talk about real estate. My parents own a few investment properties in our neighborhood so its not nosey, prying conversations..

We’ve definitely had conversations about what we paid for things but, not just for the sake of someone asking, its always for a reason.. Like a friend asking what we pay for our dog walker in comparison to theirs, or someone asking what we paid for a wedding photographer because they were also looking. I wouldn’t feel comfortable with someone asking just for the sake of asking to be nosey.

 

Post # 53
Member
1038 posts
Bumble bee

It’s private and between my husband and I unless we are comparing the commonly known price of something with people we know – like our heating bill skyrocketed over winter and my co-worker who uses the same energy company was airing his grievances to me and I agreed and talked about how much it went up (it tripled for a lot of us). Otherwise, the less people know..the better. The last thing I need is nosy family gossip about what we earn, spend and save. I like living under my rock away from their radars lol

Post # 54
Member
609 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2016

I really can’t imagine discussing my finances in such detail (much less at all!) with strangers! I tell my parents pretty much everything though. And sometimes my sisters when we’re complaining with each other about how expensive life is!

I’ve had a similar experience though….I actually felt guilty because I was getting so many intimate details. So uncomfortable!

Post # 55
Member
1838 posts
Buzzing bee

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pinkshoes:  I totally agree, when we make big ticket purchases such as when we secured our land or bought a new car we are pretty open about the cost. As you said people could find this stuff out anyway and it can be helpful for them to work out their position to have an idea of what houses/cars/land/etc are worth. 

However, we don’t tell people how much of a deposit we put down or how much we owe or what/if any kind of loan we got for the car. They are the things people don’t need to know in my opinion!

 

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mschrdr:  My Fiance struggled with the idea of not telling his mother about our finances at first. Right up until last tax time she had almost total control, but not neccessarily because he wanted it that way. She would just open up his mail and see everything; his super (retirement fund), bills, bank statements. She would even just gather up all his employment certificates and do his tax without even telling him. When we joined finances I specifically had to tell her not to open his mail and my Fiance was all “but what’s the big deal” at first. Now that tax time is coming up again and I have mentioned in passing about my tax agent (who is also a close friend) helping me do our taxes (as we have always done with mine) Future Mother-In-Law was shocked! Sorry but I don’t want you knowing every cent we made and what we have spent it on, we are adults and can handle our own money.

Post # 56
Member
698 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

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mschrdr:  My dad is a CA who specializes in taxes, so he does our tax returns each year. Because of that, he knows high level information, like our salaries, charitable contributions, financial information specific to our rental property, and certain information about our travel expenses (we live in a prescribed northern zone so can write off portions of our travel south). But, we don’t share anything beyond what he needs to know, and we don’t share any information with anyone else.  It just doesn’t come up!

Post # 57
Member
311 posts
Helper bee

I would prefer no one really know anything about our financial situation other than us, but DH’s family is very open about that type of stuff.  MIL would ask directly about what things cost (and his brothers still do) and I know it drives her nuts that we don’t allow her to do our taxes etc as she would like to know what our savings, incomes, mortgages etc look like.  I find this really uncomfortable as my parents only know our situation in generalities when necessary.

Same as some other posters there are friends that work in a similar field, or bought houses around us and would know roughly what we make/spend but we generally don’t get into specifics. 

Post # 58
Member
9438 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

My parents are both finance people (and my dad does our taxes) so they have a high level understanding of our financial situation. My best friend does too since we help each other out with budgeting and such (like our own little spreadsheet support group!) Other than that I don’t share with people unless it’s specific like “hey, how much do you pay for cable? I feel like I’m getting ripped off” or that sort of thing. I’m pretty adamant about not sharing any of that information with our in-laws since they don’t need to know and they’re just nosey. They asked how much certain family members gave us for the wedding and my husband told them! I was pissed and told him not to do that again – wedding gifts are none of their business! 

Post # 59
Member
2090 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

Not really, no. We don’t go into specifics… I think folks assume that we make a lot more than we do. My DH has an ok job. His benefits are great, it is the money that could be better. He would like to move up. My job situation has been less stable and I have been in school. When I graduate, I wish to switch fields. The door will be open for me to earn much more. We will still live the same way for 2 years if possible, and just build savings. Talking about money (getting specific) is very icky. Even with BFF, whether we earn or “more” at another job is discussed, not how much more?! 

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