(Closed) How open are you when talking to others about TTC?

posted 4 years ago in TTC
  • poll: How open are you when talking about TTC?

    I go full TMI

    Somewhat vague and conservative

    I dont talk about it at all with casual acquaintances

  • Post # 16
    Member
    1116 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2015

    I’ve told my sister and two besties, but really only share details with the one who was TTC for a while herself (she’s preggo now, yay!) I find that people who haven’t been through it just don’t get it. I didn’t get it either, until we started trying. 

    If coworkers ask, I just say we’re planning to try for a family at some point (I’m 38 so there’s no point pretending it’s in the distant future), but that’s all they need to know. 

    I told mom and Mother-In-Law we were ‘trying’ just to shut them up about when we’ll start trying. It seems to have worked 😉

    Post # 17
    Member
    1342 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: April 2012

    My desk-mate knows everything, but that is mostly because she had a surprise pregnancy last year and we talked about all the details the whole time. She’s known that I wanted to start trying for the last year and a half (starting before her pregnancy) and now that we are actually trying I can tell she is dying to ask me tons of questions. It doesn’t bother me at all, but if it was anybody else it would. If other co-workers ask me about kids I shrug and say “someday.”

    My parents know, although I didn’t mean to tell them it just kind of came up while I was chatting with my mom. At first she was getting way ahead of herself and quilting blankets and I had to tell her to reel it in. Since then we’ve had lots of long talks about fertility, and she’s told me all about how she struggled. I’m glad to have her to talk to about it. We have not told DH’s parents, and won’t tell them until we are pregnant. My sister also knows, but that is because years ago she asked that I tell her so that she can “mentally prepare herself” for it.

    Post # 18
    Member
    3053 posts
    Sugar bee

    I’d never share our TTC plans with acquaintances. No one but my best friend and sister know we are even TTC. And they only really know because I vented to them about only having one fallopian tube now. If I was fine and healthy and didn’t lose my tube, then literally no one would know we were TTC.

    Post # 19
    Member
    227 posts
    Helper bee

    Beyond vague references, I haven’t even talked to my best friends or family. Outside of my husband, and OBGYN, the only place where I’ve talked about it is here. Because it’s early days yet, I’d rather preserve the mystery and not have people constantly inspecting me for signs or symptoms—for some reason this makes me feel stressed out. However, if we ended up TTC for a while, I imagine it will come up in conversations, especially as quite a few of my friends are planning to TTC next year.

    Post # 20
    Member
    37 posts
    Newbee

    I’m not married yet, but I’m Catholic with all the bells and whistles.  We are VERY open about NFP and being open to life.  I don’t know how much sexual detail I’d be willing to give, but I’m not shy about discussing that type of thing. 

    Post # 21
    Member
    1814 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2017 - Pearson Convention Centre

    We just got married and have plans to start trying to conceive within a year, nobody knows this is a private and personal matter once we are pregnant then we will let everyone know

    Post # 22
    Member
    6299 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: September 2012

    At first no one really knew, I think maybe two of my close girlfriends but that was it. We definitely weren’t telling family, because they would have just pestered the shit out of us….they already did for years prior wanting to know when we were having kids. After our first loss obviously everyone kind of knew after that. Even still after that we didn’t really discuss, until the next loss.

    I’m not the kind of person to shout from the rooftops “we’re trying to have a baby” but I am comfortable talking about it in general settings (and about our struggles) if the topic comes up.

    Post # 23
    Member
    1745 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: December 2017

    I live in a culture where the norm is to start TTC wtraight after the wedding, but our current agreement is to wait a year. I’m sure we’ll get questions and I’ll definitely tell people we aren’t ready yet. I’m not sure what I’ll say once we do actually start trying. Probably just something about how we’re in God’s hands – before I got engaged that was my standard response to why I’m not married yet and is generally accepted.

    Post # 24
    Member
    2327 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: July 2015

    No-one unless you want the pressure.

    Post # 25
    Member
    1898 posts
    Buzzing bee

    I am 6 weeks and no one except my husband knows, and really no one even knew we were trying. We aren’t telling anyone anything for a few weeks, so it will probably be a big surprise. 

    Post # 26
    Member
    2655 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    View original reply
    calliekalico2 :  I am sooo opposite. I don’t think anyone in my immediate family knows we are trying trying. I told only my sister and 2 extremely close friends about my MC. I don’t really talk about TTC with a lot of my good friends.

    On the other hand, a lot of my yoga friends knew about my MC ( LOL) and I think all of my aquantances/friends at my gym know I am trying to get pregnant . haha I think I am a little weird in that regard but I think I am more open to them knowing because they aren’t super involved in my life, if that makes sense.

    Though I do not talk about it with work people. That would be awk. 

     

    Post # 27
    Member
    848 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: December 2015

    We haven’t told anyone we’re trying.  My sister asked me and I said we were thinking about starting and getting genetic testing done, but at this point I don’t want to share it with anyone, which is why the Bee is so helpful!  

    We’re both 31 and have been married for 2 years, so I don’t think it will surprise anyone if (when??) it happens.  We’re on cycle 4 so if it turns out we experience fertility problems, I will start telling my close girlfriends.  I feel like everyone is already looking at me to see if I’m drinking at social functions, so I don’t want to bring on more scrutiny!

    Post # 28
    Member
    2236 posts
    Buzzing bee

    LOL – re the “don’t stress” thing. I literally am years away from TTC, but bought Taking Charge of Your Fertility and am going to start charting just in case, since I’ll be 34. 

    Well reading the book prompted me to ask my mom a few questions to try to guage if I got my “reproductive genes” from her.

    She answered the questions and then immediately said, “Don’t Stress! Stress will Complicate Things!”

    *eyeroll*

    Since when is calmly collecting data “stressing?” If it gives me a higher percieved sense of control/contribution, doesn’t that *lessen* any stress?

    I think it’s weird that any time women take an interest in our own reproductive system with the intent to conceive, we must be STRESSING OOUUUTT.

    Sorry for the rant. But yeaahh… after just that ONE reaction from the one person I have ever talked about this with, I plan to not discuss at all with ANYONE. My best friend and I share everything, so she will know, but I don’t have to worry about boneheaded comments from her.

    Post # 29
    Member
    180 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: March 2015 - City Winery New York, NY

    View original reply
    duchessgummybunns :  Thank you for this! Yes, I’m temping and reading and researching, but it doesn’t mean I’m stressing. I just want to understand what the eff is going on inside me. My husband called me “baby crazy” last week because I know my fertile window and when I O’d. I’m like, no sweetie, I’m just doing all the hard work here. Le sigh.

    Post # 30
    Member
    2236 posts
    Buzzing bee

    View original reply
    LAB :  Exactly! As I said to Fiance last night, I’m actually excited for AF this cycle because I can chart my first full cycle! I think he knows better than to equate any of my newfound fascination with my own body with “being baby crazy.”

    The way I phrased it last night.. it’s like a new interactive game I get to play with my own body! How can I be stressed if I’m excited and thinking of it as a fun game?

    Society is so ridiculously unfair to women. 

    Re “hard work,” yeah I completely get how it can begin to feel that way to a woman actively TTC. But still, the onus IS on us to be sure we are “working propoerly.” Why is it never on the men to be checked? Why is it automatically us who gets the burden of the work? 50% of couple infertility issues is due to the man. 

    I find this all very empowering. I like the idea of knowing my body better, and it’s a bonus that if we get to a point of having issues, and I’ve been regularly ovulating, we’ll know that our first step will be to get Fiance checked instead of looking at ME by default.

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