Post # 1
Hi hive, I need some advice and opinions. We are now very new newlyweds and having the same reoccuring arguement that came about during wedding planning and just won’t go away.
We used a lot of family and family friends as vendors to save cost – some of them professionals. My family was very involved in planning the wedding since we held it near my parent’s house and we had another ceremony/reception a few months earlier in his hometown to include his extended family.
We received our professional photos the other day, and they are heavily focused on my family. During the wedding, the dj didn’t play the cultural songs he requested, but played the cultural songs my family requested. The videographer was a family friend (not professional) and the video doesn’t have one shot of his siblings but a ton of mine. I feel awful about this because I tried so hard to make this “our” day and not “my” day. When I tell him that I tried hard and that I wanted it to be for both of us and a combination of the two families (bc who doesn’t want that?), he gets upset (he said that I say I am doing things for him when they are really for myself, if I was honest I would just say they were for me in the first place).
This sounds so silly now that I write it out, but this keeps coming back in arguements. Over the registry gifts, the wedding photos, and so on. Has anyone had arguements like this over wedding planning?
Post # 3
The only thing you can do is tell him terrible you feel about everything, just tell him the truth. Tell that you love him, and let him spill out all of his feelings. Just have a rational, no shouting talk about things, and both tell your feelings. See if you can find some common ground. Ask if the day (your guys’ wedding) was still fun, and wonderful. Just ask the both of you, is this issue really important to get worked up over?
Post # 4
This is tough, because he is wanting to bring up hurt feelings & express his emotions, AFTER the fact. If he would of expressed being “left out” he should of done so before the wedding. He does sound like a typical guy, not speaking up until its too late. The best thing that you can do is ensure him that you didn’t make any requests for the photogrpaher & videographer to not shoot footage of his family & just apologize on behalf of the family friends. He’s hurt right now, and prob kicking himself in the butt for not saying something earlier. This will be a huge learning experience for you two, you know that he is the type to keep things inside, so with your help & assurance, let him know that you want the two of you to be a team & make decisions together. More then likely he will take some pushing along the way, but he’ll get the drift.
Good luck! And congratulations on your recent wedding!
Post # 5
What an awkward situation! It is a shame (for both of you) that you are missing photos of half your guests. Can you set up a photo sharing website and then call around to his family and ask them to upload any photos they may have taken? Even if they are not “professional” photos at least you will have some balance in your album. And if you edit them a bit in photoshop they could look as good as the professional photos too. Big hive hugs to you!
Post # 6
Wow, this is strange because as AnnieAAA pointed out, this is all coming AFTER the wedding is finito.
I would explain to him that you’re really hurt by all these accusations, and if he had said something before the wedding, you would have changed some things around. I would aldo give him some perspective: the weding is over and you guys are married. Isn’t that really the most important thing? Also emphasize that all decisions need to be made together, and he’ll have to put more effort into that by expressing his feelings before it’s too late, because it’s not your intention to make everything about you and your family.
Post # 7
Maybe you should have a chat with your friendors. I know there isn’t much they or you can do, but I would let them know (especially the ones that have a professional business for their services) that they didn’t follow through on their services. And take hubby with you, he is the person that they need to apologize to. If you gave your dj, videographer, and photographer a list of the things you two wanted and they failed to do those things then they certainly owe your hubs a sit down.
Post # 8
I’m sorry you’re having to hear this from your new husband! I wanted to just ask a few questions…. are there photos from his hometown celebration? And did you choose to use your family as vendors to get a good deal, or because they offered and you wanted to accept, or because you thought they would do the best job?
If it helps, I’d want to remind him of why you used those vendors. I also like Bamboo’s idea of talking with those who are professionals.
I think that would help me form my opinion about what to say. I’d also wonder how things went on the wedding day … was it integrated for both of you then, and now the video looks lop-sided? Is there footage that wasn’t used?
Would you two want to dress up again in your wedding clothes and get some beautiful portraits of the two of you together?
Post # 9
We had a great time at the wedding, or so I thought, he did not stop smiling the whole evening. Both of our families were thrilled to meet each other, everyone seemed happy, it was completely integrated, and I thought everyone had a blast. They are all still talking about it.
Throughout the wedding planning process, I tried to include him in every decision, but always got the same typical guy response: “I don’t care”. We hired the vendors to save $ and we really did save – and a good point to remind him of that. I can’t be angry at the vendors bc they charged little to nothing. I think it just hurts to think I put all this effort into an event that unintentionally excluded his family and upset him.
I need to make a caveat about the pics- we do have beautiful portraits of each other and we have about 2000+ pictures, so while they are many more of my family there are still more than enough to make a nice balanced album of all wedding guests. We also have many pics from his hometown celebration.
Mrs.Koontz is right in asking is this really an issue we need to get ourselves worked up over. The wedding is done and we are married, time to move on. Seems silly now, but I admit I am still hurt.
Post # 10
As much as I am a believer in truth, “rewriting history” by keeping a balanced photo album of all of your wedding guests is a great idea.
My Darling Husband got upset at me when I complained that I was left with the burden of wedding planning (it was a stressful day, I generally enjoyed the planning). He wanted to be part of the planning but really had no time to dedicate to it (he’s in grad school) and didn’t have much interest beyond the food and photography anyway. Hell, he chose what his groomsmen wore barely 2 weeks before the wedding! I tried to involve him in decision making, but he was either disinterested or couldn’t spare 30 minutes to talk to me about wedding stuff. So while he couldn’t be as involved, he was hurt that I was making decisions without him. Sometimes you just can’t win. I suspect it will all blow over in time, esp if you “rewrite history.”