Post # 1
Kind of a spin off, I’ve read this article before and saw it again in a thread today.
Im sure many of you have seen it before. It has a good overall message but ultimately it kind of makes me want to vomit. It seems super judgemental, ridiculous standards, way over protective.
Dont get me wrong, I do want to be very involved with my future children and set guidelines, but this seems overkill IMO.
Here’s the article: http://givenbreath.com/2013/09/03/fyi-if-youre-a-teenage-girl/
Post # 4
@cls9q: I set parental controls on the computer for my kids (site ratings, hours/day and I don’t allow chat sites or social media sites), except the 17 year old boy because he’s almost a man and the 14 year old girl can do e-mail, G-mail chat and FB (however, she chooses not to use FB). I tell my younger kids not to ever get in a car with a stranger and if somebody tried to take them to grab hold of something, kick their legs, poke the guy in the eye ball, etc… I don’t let my girls dress like hookers. My oldest daughter started wearing a training bra at 8 years old, she’s wearing a 32B in a women’s bra at age 14. I veto anything I find that makes her look even remotely sexy. No bikinis for my girls, even as toddlers. I really dislike anything that looks skimpy or sexy on little kids. My teens also aren’t allowed to “hang out” downtown with their friends and any visits to friends houses must be cleared with me, even for the 17 year old.
Other than that I rely on the hope that I’ve taught them well about what’s right and wrong, appropriate and inappropriate. It is my view that my role as a parent is to teach them all they need to grow up to be self sufficient adults who are decent, productive members of society. To teach them how to make good decisions. My daughters have shown me that they have no interest in being sex objects. My 14 year old is most often found with her nose in a book and I don’t think she’s ever taken a selfie. My son however has had a few questionable pics of girls on his phone. I told him he could get rid of the pics or I could get rid of the phone. Technically, even though he’s also a minor, him having suggestive, half dressed pics of minors is considered kiddie porn. Seriously. And there’s no way he could get anywhere in life with a charge like that following him around. Though I do wonder how these girls parents are not checking up on what their daughters are doing with their phones…
Post # 5
I understand protecting your kids but I feel the author of that article was too one sided. Instead of blaming the girls for their sons thoughts she should be raising her sons to not view girls as sexual objects. Once her sons are adults and have been shelterd from all pictures that can possibly be viewed as sexy because it will have them only think of the girls sexually how will he react to pictures like that when mom is not around. Hopefully he will not have the stance of “she was asking for it because of her clothng”. That is the argument i am seeing in the article that women/girls need to censor their posts because men/boys will see them only as sexual objects. Teach your sons that no matter what a woman is wearing she is treated with respect.
As for when i have my own children I am not sure I will be using every child block imaginable but i will be teaching them what is and is not appropriate.
Post # 6
- Wedding: June 2014 - British Columbia
My kids will NOT make ANY appearances on social media. If people wanted to share pictures, send it via email or upload it to a restricted and shared folder on Google drive.
As someone who’s experienced traumatic harrassment/near-rape in my mid 20s, I think, it is also important to educate kids about sexual harrassment from an early age; i.e. they can speak out safely and know how to protect/defend themselves. It is also important not to dress any truths from young. As a child, I was never led to believe fairy tales were possible but was often allowed to imagine/daydream about being part of a fairy tale. There’s a difference.
I also think, it’s judgemental articles like these, tend to minimalize how sexual harrassment incidents CAN happen. It didn’t involve dressing sleazily; it involved trusting acquaintances too naively. Heck, I was asleep when it happened.
Teaching kids about respect and self-respect would go a long way. Trust is to be earned! I don’t think it’s fair to judge others and control what your sons/daughters could see because they will find ways behind your back to have a looksie.
Post # 7
@jadlnc: I was raised a lot like you’re raising your kids, and I absolutely LOVED it (not that I would have ever let my parents know! I have thanked them since hitting adulthood, though). I feel like your rules are protective without being insane or unrealistic. I hope I grow to be an amazing Mom like you! (Because I haven’t given birth yet, and I kind of want to hold her in forever… She’d be safe then, right?)
Post # 8
@BrandNewBride: Let me know how you feel when your last baby grows up. Ugh. I could handle the other kids getting older, I mean I miss their cute baby toddler stages, but I kinda can’t wait to see how they turn out. But that last one, omg I want to make him stop growing up! I still pick him up and he’s 7. I know I gotta stop, it’s so hard!
I hope they will thank me when they grow up. I have a friend who has very well behaved children…because she controls every single thing they do. Even her 16 year old has to earn video game time and computer time. No phone. No free will. I see her point and I understand her reasoning, but how will they make their own decisions in life if they get to 18 without ever having learned how to do anything on their own? I don’t know. Her 16 year old will be a grown man in 2 years and he depends on his mother to tell him if and when to do everything, he still plays little kid games, he acts like he’s 11 or 12 instead of 16. I think he will get to college and either freak out or go crazy. All of the sudden he’ll be able to do whatever he wants.
Post # 9
@cls9q: the authors tone is obnoxious but I see nothing wrong with them actively monitoring their children’s accounts and blocking inappropriate content.
Darling Husband and I firmly believe in not giving our child unrestricted and unsupervised internet time. They will not have a cell phone with Internet access nor will they have a laptop they can sit alone in their bedroom with. Even the smartest kids do stupid thugs online and with social media these days it’s too Big a risk To take. One picture could really screw things up for you. we will not allow access to social media until we deem them to be an appropriate age (I say college Darling Husband says high school…we have at least 14 years before we have to decide and who knows what the internet will look like then!). We will also require passwords for all accounts so we can monitor them as we see fit. This is how both of us were raised and we feel lt was necessary and not o early protective. We had space to be ourselves while also learning to behave appropriately and not abuse our internet privileges.
all in all we believe in striking a balance between monitoring and protecting our child and letting them have privacy and space to learn and grow. We aren’t naive and realize we cannot krep our child from doing thingS. If they want to they will find a way. We are all about teaching them to make good decisions and making them realize the consequences when they screw up. we want to equip them with good decusion making skills. I don’t thin it does any good to shelter a child completely -those are always the kids who go buck wild when they get to college!
Post # 10
When I was younger, my parents FORBID me from using MySpace/Facebook and guess what, it made me want to do it that much more. I think people need to be realistic and understand that their kids will be exposed to certain things in life and hope that you’ve raised them well enough to turn the other cheek. That’s just my point of view.
Post # 11
I guess I see the article as helping girls to understand that those kinds of photos aren’t doing them any favours–they’re encouraging guys to think of them as objects. Certainly guys have a responsibility to not think of girls like that, but I can see how a mum who is trying to teach her sons how to treat women would get frustrated when girls seem to invite that sort of sexual objectification. I don’t know how I feel about the boys’ mum monitoring her sons’ Facebook accounts, but I feel like it’s fair enough to give girls a heads-up about the kind of message they’re communicating. Surely most of us know the dangers of posting stuff online, particularly sexualised pictures. It just sounds like the blogger is telling the girl what her own parents should be telling her–that it’s a bad idea to post those kinds of photos online, because anyone (hardly the worst being your friend’s super conservative mum) might see them.
I have no idea what we’ll do when our girls get to social media age, but it scares the ever loving daylights out of me. There is so much that can go horribly wrong online–I think it’s going to be difficult to strike a balance between protecting them and allowing them to experience things and learn to operate online safely and intelligently.
Post # 12
Rape culture in action. Teach the boys not to view women as purely sexual objects.