Post # 1
Weddings and marriage have never really filled my dreams from a young age, but I guess in the back of my mind I always imagined a proposal to be a surprise; you know, like clapping my hands over my mouth, a tear of happy shock rolling down my cheek and a beautful ring before me that is somehow just perfect despite never having even hinted at what I’d like. Of course, for us at least, life has been a bit more conservative in what it’s tossed our way, so four years into our relationship we’ve been discussing marriage and rings, and are now at the stage of actually obtaining the ring.
My question is, once I know my partner has the ring, how on earth is the proposal still meant to be a surprise? I know other bees have definitely gone through this, and at times found it excrutiating, but how has it been, honestly? I just strongly suspect that the second he suggests we go for a “casual walk” or to a fancy restaurant, I’ll simply be like, “Yeah, yeah, just give me the ring already” or otherwise have to feign some kind of surprise. I guess it would be better if I don’t actually see the ring before he presents it, so that that’s at least a surprise?
Also, I don’t expect him to fly me to France and propose in a Michelin-star boutique restaurant in Paris (although…), but I would kind of like it to be somewhat romantic beyond just sitting on the sofa and feeling something ring box-like under my bum while he beams at me. Admittedly, it’s probably a silly worry. I actually wouldn’t even care so much how it happens, because it’s not even all that important, but I know it’s meant to be a detail of the relationship that is remembered forever and completely unchangeable.
Post # 3
We picked my ring.. and then he had it for a LONG 8 months~! There was some times id think hed never give it to me..but he wanted to wait until a moment when i least expected….. ours was the simplest of all ( i sortof mentioned to him i lovedddd the proposal in the time travelers wife) so it was very simialr to that.
8 months after the ring was in our home, i was having a fitful night of sleep being sick up and down- around 4 am I was laying in the bed half asleep and he came in the room and sat on the side of the bed holding the ring, then slipped it on.
It really should just reflect the way you are with each other. there is no right or wrong in love..just one bi of advice, no pressure on him- be secure knowing that you will get the ring, eventually!
best of luck!
Post # 4
We had gone to the store and I gave him 3 options. I did not know when he picked up the ring, though in hindsight I know exactly when it was. Yes, I knew the ring but HE chose everything else. I was not expecting it to happen when it did. We went away on vacation and he did it there randomly one night after watching tv with my cousin. I figured he would wait until Christmastime because my family would be around. It was still a COMPLETE surprise and his heart was still beating 1000 miles per hour.
Post # 5
We didnt exactly pick it out together but I was part of the process..and he lied to me and said he couldnt get it in time for our trip home to see our family and friends and proposed in a place that is important to me and himl…I’m sure he could be creative and figure out something sweet to do, Recreate your first date (pretty much what my Fiance did), go out to a nice resutrant or something that is special to both of you. It is nice to have something be a surprise rather than nothing at all.
Post # 6
We picked out the ring together but I did not ‘technically’ know he had picked it up. I had a pretty good feeling he had since I looked at his google latitude showing him at the mall, which never happens.
The following weekend he cooked me a very nice dinner, so I suspected it was coming. That did not make the moment any less special for me though. It was still incredibly romantic – and for me, I wouldn’t have wanted it any other way.
Post # 7
My Fiance used my great-grandmothers ring, which I had in my posession. So I gave it to him and basically said “do your thing!” about 3 months later, he COMPLETELY shocked me with the proposal. Just because you know it’s coming doesn’t mean you won’t be surprised when it actually happens.
And honestly- I didn’t think he had a romantic bone in his body, but he did the rose petals, down on one knee, champagne thing and it was amazing!!
Post # 8
I’ve pretty much completely picked my ring, but our agreement is that since I got to pick it, I don’t get to know when he buys it, or when he plans to propose, just that it’s this year-ish. So, he could buy it tomorrow and I could not see it for another 11 months…try to take your mind off of it 🙂
Post # 9
We bought my ring together, and he still managed to surprise me. Every time a special event came up, I checked to see if the ring was still in the bathroom drawer–and it was. Valentine’s Day, our anniversary, Christmas, and a New Year’s Eve passed. He swore he was going to do it when I wasn’t expecting it, though.
Then my last birthday came along (mind you, I was already knee-deep in wedding planning at this point–I just had never had a “real” proposal). We spent the day at The Wizarding World of Harry Potter and had just had lunch at Margartitaville. I ordered chocolate cake for dessert becauase it was my birthday. The DJ from Radio Margaritaville came out of the booth with a microphone and got everyone in the restaurant to sing “Happy Birthday to You.” I was shocked when he then handed the mic to my fiance, who got down on one knee and proposed. Knowing I was spending the day in a theme park (where I always dress like a bum) the last thing on my mind was to check the drawer for the diamond ring before we left home. Sure enough, he had grabbed it and carried around in his pocket all day.
Post # 10
- Wedding: November 2011 - Florida Aquarium
We went and purchased the ring together on my birthday. He waited a month to actually propose. It was in front of our dishwasher, as I was loading it. Yep, it was still a surprise.
I had put a lot of pressure on him to make it a “special” proposal… and then I realized that was silly. I wanted him to be filled with so much love for me that he couldn’t wait for me to be his wife. So I told him that. And that moment, for him, came after a really bad day at work, with the highlight of the day being coming home to me. He marched himself up the stairs, grabbed the ring, and was on one knee in front of the dishwasher before I knew what had happened. It’s a special story for us. haha
Post # 11
I knew it was coming (took me back to a place I used to live) and it was still wonderful and special. Don’t buy into the fantasy that it has to be a fairytale or complete surprise to be special.
Bottom line- don’t stress about it. Even if he wers a neon sign saying IT’S HAPPENING NOW, that moment is so wonderful.
Post # 12
I really like all your stories, and I can totally see how even the more casual proposals are really, really special. I think it’s true that the pressure adds an unnecessarily worrying element. I’m just not sure whether to see the ring beforehand or not, because on the one hand there’s 30 days to return it if it’s not what I want, but on the other it would be so nice to see it for the first time when he proposes. Having said that, this is all based on me assuming he is going to order it this very second (because I am so excited now that we have decided that I cannot imagine ordering it immediately).
Post # 13
Well, I picked out my ring over a year ago and he knew this was my dream ring. So about a month ago we started talking serious about marriage and decided that we wanted to get married this spring. And since that’s just 5 months away I knew he’d have to propose a whole lot sooner rather than later. I have helped him purchase the ring because he was worried about getting the wrong one, and apparently he has made a day of our proposal because I was told not to plan anything for this coming weekend. Personally I don’t care that I know when it’s going to happen. I don’t even care how it happens. But we wanted to share an “official” proposal. We already told my family we’re getting engaged. They were a little confused, lol. But it doesn’t really matter how you do it, or even if you officially propose. Do whatever works for you.