Post # 1
My dad gave us a figure that he and my stepmom could contribute to our wedding next october. I am grateful for anything, but i was honestly expecting more than the amount they gave us. When looking realistically at our budget, the amount they gave us will probably cover about 42% of the wedding. My fiance’s parents also graciously contributed, which will probably pay for about 16% of the wedding. So really, fi and i are going to have to save A LOT. And by those figures, I am counting on a 12k wedding, which isn’t a lot at all. I already feel bad b/c my fiance has had to pay for all of the deposits, except for reception deposit. (The money my dad gave us covers the reception minimum, but does not included tax/service charge, which tacks on an add’l 2-3k).
However, my stepmom has recently gotten a job so now my dad and her will be having 2 incomes instead of 1. At first, i didn’t want to say anything to my dad b/c they have young kids at home (3 kids under the age of 10) and my dad was paying for everying.
Is it too soon to ask my dad to help ($2k or $3k more)? That would at least cover the reception cost…
Post # 3
You really shouldn’t be asking your dad to pitch in any more than he is. If you are unable to afford the wedding between just yourself and fiance, then tone it down to as low as you can or postpone it until you two can save up enough yourselves.
It might also create ill feelings between your dad, stepmom and you if you are hoping to get more money than what is being offered. They do have kids to take care of. And even though you are their child too, they are not obligated to finance your wedding the way you want. You will have to meet them and come down to their level of help and not the other way around.
Post # 4
I agree with @Sasha…the fact that they’re contributing less then what you expected and now your stepmom has had to get a job should clue you in that they aren’t exactly rollin’ in the dough.
Post # 5
I agree with pp, you shouldn’t ask your dad to give more than what he has offered.
Post # 6
I agree with pp… though it sucks that its not what you expected (I thought the same thing with my parents, I felt the contributed more to my sisters wedding), you cant ask your dad for more. He contributed what he could. We were kind of in the same position, and our choices were work within the confines of the budget that our parents set for us with what they contributed or plan the wedding we want and come up with the rest. We chose to come up with the rest because we have enough money set aside to do so… But if you cant you cant… unfortunately it is what it is… and times are tough for everyone.
Post # 7
Yep, I agree with others, I wouldn’t bring it up.
Wait for them to make the offer, it sounds like they are doing what they can and want you to have a great wedding; so I’m sure if they determine they can give you more, they will. If they don’t offer, that prob means they can’t afford to do so.
Post # 8
I agree with @sasha2011. I wouldn’t ask for more money. Your father could have already been scrimping and saving to give you the amount he did and even with the second income, may not be able to give you any more. Maybe you could change some of your plans or scale back a bit to trim off the 2-3k you need to come up with. You could also try talking to your dad about your plans in a casual way and say something like ‘Well, really love Venue A but it’s just out of our budget so we may have to go with Venue B.’ He may realize you’re struggling and offer more money with out you having to go through the guilt of asking.
Post # 9
i agree, don’t bring it up. if he offers more on his own and unsolicited, that will be very generous, but it’s really not your place to be asking for more money when your stepmom just got a job and they have young kids. if your stepmom has been out of work for awhile, they probably haven’t been able to put much, if anything, into savings, which they really need for their kids!
Post # 10
I know everyone in the world pictures their wedding a certain way…and they want this and that….but with that all aside, its really about the idea and the union!!
You want more money which is fine as an act of nature (so did I!!) , but the fact of the matter is…you can have a great reception/wedding with the money you have. So you will have to cut out a few of the things you wanted, but thats ok. If the important people are there at the wedding, they wont care what is there– i promise, they are probably just happy they are there for you and FH.
I would try to negotiate with vendors and reception hall— tell them you have hit a financial bump and see if they can help work something out with you, but as the other bees suggested, I wouldnt ask dad either.
Post # 11
I agree with PP – don’t ask for more money. You may not know about all of your dad’s financial obligations, so even with your stepmom’s job, money may still be tight. There is always the option to push the wedding back – Fiance and I had to do this when we actually realized how much everything cost. If you mention to your parents and FIL’s that you are considered a later wedding date to give you time to save more money, maybe someone will offer you more $$ (but don’t ask for it and don’t expect it).
Post # 12
I guess it comes down to what is more important, your wedding budget or your relationship with your dad. 42 percent is generous(IMO). I wish you luck on your big day!
Post # 13
I also say don’t ask for more money. I’m a firm believer in the adage that if you are adult enough to marry you are adult enough to do it without someone else paying for it. The idea that the bride’s family pays for a wedding is antiquated. In this day and age if you can’t afford what you want to do then you’ll just need to scale it back. Good luck!
Also, if they have young kids than they have college funds to think about which is far more important than a wedding, you know?
Post # 14
So you and your Fiance only need about $5,000 to cover the rest of the wedding? THANK YOUR LUCKY STARS. You are blessed and should be grateful.
Post # 15
I first want to clarify that I am not greedy and my stepmom did not get a job just to help for for the wedding. I can’t explain my whole family situation to you so really I should have never posted this thread.
All of you that responded, are you all paying for your own weddings?
Post # 16
I am in a very similar situation. My father had originally given us a number, and told me that it was flexible. Later, after he talked with my stepmother, he took it back and gave me a smaller number and told me it was firm.
I was very upset that I felt like my stepmother was completely in control of their finances, and (as selfish as it sounds) I kept thinking that if my parents were still together this whole thing would be a different story.
With that being said, I didn’t ask my father for more money. I did however let him know along the way when we were struggling to pay for something, or when we needed to make cuts because of $$. The funny part is I found that they had high expectations for my wedding and ended up offering to pay for a few things above and beyond in order for the wedding to go the way they thought it “should”.
None of us can really tell you how to handle this situation, because you’re right, ultimately it is your family. And only you know what will work for you.
I say if you really want to talk to your father about it, then talk to him. You just have to tread lightly and keep an open mind on the outcome. Let him know what your concerns are about paying for the wedding, but I would avoid bringing up your step-moms new job.
-I just saw your other question My dad- 40%, my mom- 20% Fiance parents-20%, us 20%